“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like potsherd and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircle me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment. But you, Lord, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.” Psalm 22:14-19

I had just spent six weeks on bed rest waiting for our third child’s safe arrival. Church family brought meals and helped with our two preschoolers along with my mom, who lived two hours away. Those six weeks were emotionally exhausting. The probable causes of the preterm labor were dire. We had so many questions; would our baby be healthy? Would we make it full-term? If he came early, what medical issues would we face? Sadly, abortion was offered as an option. I stayed in bed, prayed, and read the Word as each hour I’d count the contractions to make sure I wasn’t having too many. My days were long and the weeks seemed to stretch on forever.

At 37 weeks I got out of bed, did my Target run to get ready for baby, and he arrived the next day — 9 lb 1 oz of complete perfection. Relief and rejoicing flowed freely. It was short-lived as two months later my husband was diagnosed with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, and it would become the hardest years of my life.

The diagnosis brought two and a half years of endless pain and destruction. My husband was hospitalized every six weeks for seven to ten days to ease the symptoms. Medical doctors have no known cure for the disease. With MS, they treat the symptoms and hope for remission. My husband had a chronic form which only progressed and never went into remission. Eventually he would be completely disabled. He was on seventeen prescriptions, his body riddled with muscle spasms and tremors, suffered short term memory loss, speech problems, and used a scooter for mobility.

I lived in the book of Psalms those difficult years. I could relate to the despair King David felt. As he poured out his heart before God, it gave me permission to do the same. The pressure of three small children, financial lack, the endless medical appointments and hospitalizations wore on me. Let alone, watching my once strong, young, capable, vibrant husband face days of endless pain and loss.

Each morning I would pour out my heart. I’d cry and beg for God to change our situation. Holy Spirit would ask, “Do you trust me?” Through the tears I would whisper, “yes.” Those years of wrestling with pain taught me a lot.

Lessons from King David:

• When David felt overwhelmed emotionally, He knew spending time in God’s presence would help.

• David didn’t fear vulnerability with God. He poured out his heart and held nothing back.

• David did not deny or stuff his deep emotional need.

• After He expressed his true feelings, David turned His thoughts to God. He recounted God’s goodness and faithfulness.

• David expressed his dependence on God. He knew apart from God he was nothing.

• He didn’t get stuck in self-pity and he moved forward in hope.

• He reoriented his thinking to reflect trust in God.

Psalms has been my favorite book of the Bible for over twenty years. I equate it with comfort. God comforted me through David’s words and taught me how to approach Him with my honest pain. There’s nothing I hide from God now. I feel safe in His Presence and as I pour out my heart, He always meets me with truth. He reminds me of His goodness and comforts me with His love, just as He did King David.

I’ve included a free resource for you. Just click on the graphic below and I have a worksheet for you. It’s a prayer guide to help you sort through strong emotions.

Be Encouraged!