“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—” Proverbs 1:5

Do you feel the tension, momma? 

I remember wondering, what do I do now? I felt lost and confused as my child left home. What am I supposed to do with my emerging adult? What does it look like to let go of a child you poured your life into? How do I trust them when they’re on their own? Will they make good choices? Will they be responsible? Will they get hurt? What if they walk away from God?

We are trapped between the need to maintain what we have always done, as a mom, with the knowledge our role will change once our child reaches adulthood. We understood what was required of us when the kids were young. Systems and routines ruled the day as we confidently mothered our brood. Expectations were clear and each family member understood their role. 

Now, there’s a shift. 

We feel unsteady, unsure of how to move forward. We are required to adapt–to grow and expansion feels uncomfortable. We face one of the greatest transitions in our parenting, when our child becomes an adult. 

Where is God in this? How can we rely on Him as we foster independence in our child and do the heart work required to navigate this change? How will we remain steady through this transition?

President of inLight Consulting Inc, Rob Streeter says this about transitions:

“When we go through a difficult transition, we must force our minds to acknowledge that God is a careful and purposeful orchestrator. ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ (Romans 8:28). As the sovereign and omniscient Orchestrator, He has worked it all into His plan. I honestly don’t know of a greater encouragement than that.”

God is in the midst of this change. He orchestrates it all and there is no sweeter peace. 

Change is inevitable and transitions are a part of life. The big question is: are you ready to grow, or are you resistant to change? Will you refuse to adapt and create added stress in your relationship with your adult child? Will you partner with God as He helps you through this rocky phase?

I understand you feel nervous and unsure, but when you are brave enough to accept a growth mindset, you will flourish in this season. There is growth for you and your adult child. When you submit to the work, you will come through with a deep dependence on God and a strengthened bond with your grown child. 

4 Foolproof Ways To Supercharge Your Growth

• Adapt a willing heart: The posture of our heart in this season is crucial. In order for God to help, we must be tender toward Him and our grown child. Resistance and stubbornness to maintain our old roles will result in trials with our grown child. It’s easy to remain unchanged, but in order to prosper now, we need to adapt. There will be missteps and foibles, but a heart gently bowed before God is a heart willed to grow. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of  compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. - Colossians 3:12

• Practice vulnerability: There’s no need to be strong as you walk through this transition. In fact, the opposite is beneficial. When we don’t refuse to expose our true needs, we are met with compassion. We won’t have the answers and we will feel unsure, but tenderness  and honesty before God and our grown child results in a more secure connection. When was the last time we were honest with God about the challenges in growing? “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” - 2 Corinthians 9-10

• Extend grace: Let’s define grace for this situation. Minister Mary Fairchild explains:  “The doctrine of grace stands at the center of the Bible. It is the theme that connects every book and the thread that winds through every verse. In the original Old Testament language, grace comes from a word meaning ‘lovingkindness,’ which is often used to describe the Lord’s character. God’s grace flows from the essence of his being.”

When we refuse to belittle ourselves, or pressure our adult child, we know grace is present. Grace says, “We don’t have to have this all figured out. Both of us grow and change. We will make mistakes but there’s no penalty for it.” As we practice grace to ourselves and our grown offspring, peace is ushered in.  Perfection and performance are laid aside. Gentleness and compassion towards one another abounds. “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” - Exodus 34:6

• Rely on God: One area of growth will be your reliance on God. We are not left alone in this challenging phase of our motherhood.  God is near and helps us grow. We are required to trust Him in fresh new ways. This is not the time to rely on old promises. As we bond with God and lean on His truths, we will be strengthened.  He will help us navigate the heartache, frustration, and overwhelm that sometimes accompanies this transition. Momma, God is our shield. He is ready to support us!  Linger longer, read more of His Word, trust Him deeper. “Our soul waits for the Lord. He is our help and shield.”- Psalm 33:20

You are required to adjust the way you relate to your grown child.As you recognize the need to grow and adapt, you will feel more settled. The growth comes as you continue to make changes in your mindset, communication, and reliance on God.  

When we willingly participate in growth, aren’t afraid to be vulnerable, extend grace, and rely on God, we will flourish in this unfamiliar phase of our motherhood. Growth comes as we are focused, gracious, persistent, and dependent on God. He will see us through, and on the other side of growth, you will experience delight as both you and your child have adapted to a new way of relating.  

This is God’s plan, and it is good. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, give me the desire to grow. I want to be moldable and shaped by your hands. I want to understand I need to change the way I relate to my grown child.  I’m scared and nervous. Please give me strength and wisdom to navigate this transition emboldened with grace and compassion for myself and my adult child. Help me cling to you. Amen.

Still struggling? Need a little help talking to your adult child?

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