This is a series on the power of forgiveness. Go to last week’s post to read my family’s story. As we begin to walk in our true identity in Christ, we understand we are forgiven. Since we are forgiven, Christ also requires us to extend forgiveness to others.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Grace Was All-Around

A canopy of gold and red hangs above our heads as we meet at the park on this glorious October day. I sense God’s presence as I walk into a holy moment, one that changes the trajectory of my life. The sun shines brightly against the cornflower blue sky reminding me of the goodness of God. He is our light in the darkness, and I experience this truth profoundly in the weeks following the tragedy. This is the first time I will see Al’s face since the shooting.

Just two months earlier, I’m filled with rage towards my step-dad, Al. It’s been a slow boil for years as the devastation of alcohol abuse has wrung me out.  The thought of him makes my stomach churn. The endless bottles of alcohol, his slurred speech, the ensuing arguments. The sad, emptiness in his eyes, as he’s in denial about his drinking.  I find his behavior weak, repulsive, and feel justified in my anger. I’m only nineteen, but both my father and step-dad succumb to alcoholism, and I’m simply fed up. I should have compassion for his brokenness, but I only feel disgusted. I mean, come on, he shot my mom. Surely that warrants hatred? I am confident in my stance.

Until God interrupts my hatred! 

The only explanation I have for my parent’s reconciliation is surrender and divine intervention.  My step-dad surrenders in jail, while my mom has her own “come to Jesus” moment at home recovering from surgery. A local pastor’s wife reaches out to my mom, and they build a friendship. My mom is equally exhausted from a life of co-dependence being married to two alcoholics. Her first marriage ends because of my dad’s drinking.  Her father is also a recovered alcoholic, which likely contributes to the familiarity of it all. She does not want this marriage to end in divorce.

I watch in awe as God begins to rebuild my parents.  It starts with letters and conversations and evidence of change.  However, the biggest factor is my mom’s ability to forgive my step-dad for shooting her.  It seems absurd, to even think it could happen.  But it is supernatural as God began to soften their hearts towards Him and each other.

Forgiveness Is A Choice

We often misunderstand what forgiveness is.  It’s not about emotions.  Forgiveness is a choice and an act of the will.  Unforgiveness is drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.  Unforgiveness rots our souls; it looks like bitterness, resentment, anger, unkindness, and despair. 

Neil Anderson says it like this: 

“Forgiveness is not forgetting. It does not mean you no longer feel the pain. It does not cease your longing for justice. It does not mean you make it easy for the offender to hurt you again and it is rarely a one-time event.”

 Forgiveness means you want good for someone who has hurt you.  It means you’ll no longer hold their sin against them.  Forgiveness is grace to not punish someone for hurting you. It doesn’t mean you have to trust them or be in a relationship with them; it simply means you’re not enslaved to bitterness anymore. Forgiveness only makes sense to someone who understands Christ has forgiven them. My mom understands. 

My mom does not want revenge; she wants reconciliation. There is much wreckage in her past; she wants to live a new way and a relationship with Christ allows it.  My parents awaken to the goodness of God at the same time, and it is new and beautiful to witness.  We didn’t know this is how God works.  But as my parents grow closer to God, He restores their relationship.  It is like nothing I have ever seen.  It gives me a lot to think about. 

Al and I have conversations on the phone, and we exchange letters from jail, and I can sense the change in his countenance.  Where once stood pride, arrogance, and stubbornness, there is now humility, gentleness, and kindness.  It fills me with hope.  How can I hate this new man?

I’m sitting on the picnic table anxiously awaiting his arrival. I nervously fidget and feel the tears bubbly below the surface. “Keep it together,” I think.  But how can I?  I’ve never been good at pretending.  He pulls up in his work truck.  The jailer releases him to work each day as a welder.  He walks over in his familiar boots, dirty work clothes, and cap. There is a softness and warmth in his eyes, a newfound brightness. He wears a sweet smile and tears are already running down his cheeks, and I’m undone. 

“Hey, Hon”, he says, in his warm Texas drawl. “It’s so good to see you and the first thing I want to ask is, would you please forgive me? I’m so sorry how I hurt your mom.” 

I leap into his arms, and he holds me with broad shoulders, big hands wrapped around me.  I feel safe, protected. “I do forgive you,” I whisper as the weight falls off my body.  It’s astounding how light one feels when you let go of hatred and bitterness. Grace rains down like rays of sunshine, warming our hearts. Surely God is in our midst.

We find forgiveness difficult because we are run by our emotions, but realizing it’s a choice allows us to set the drama aside and walk in the obedience and strength Christ provides.  You never know what beautiful thing God will create on the other side of forgiveness.

Dear Papa, Thank you forgiveness is part of Your plan.  You sent Jesus to forgive me of my sins and now You ask me to extend forgiveness to those who hurt me.  Unforgiveness only results in pain, but forgiveness sets us free to live a more abundant life.  Thank You for helping me learn this lesson.  Help me keep short accounts and be quick to forgive because I have been forgiven much. Amen.

Still, struggling?

Maybe this will help.

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