Pamela Henkelman | Empty Nest Coach

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

Runaway Thoughts

As I loaded the dishwasher, worry clung to me like a staticky silk skirt. Soon Rebekah would drive seven hours from Evangel University, in Springfield, Missouri, to our home in Iowa. “Was it even a good idea for a single young woman to travel across the country alone?”, I wondered. My imagination ran wild as I envisioned car trouble, or worse, an attack at a gas station, or a horrific car accident. I’d be so far away, it would take forever for me to get to her. 

Anxiety mounted in my chest. Every scenario I played out in my mind had a deadly ending. I shook my head back to the present, astonished how far I had let my imagination wander. Shame enveloped me. It was ridiculous and so unbecoming of the woman of God I was. Why did I have such a small view of God in those moments? Why had I let worry run free in my mind?  

Worry and Fear

We get lost in worry for the future, don’t we momma? Peace is swept away as anxiety grows in our hearts and minds. What’s a momma to do?

There are two things that keep us from the present with our adult children: worry and fear. Oh, how easy it is for moms to jump ahead and fear the unknown future. These negative forces take root in our thoughts as we predict events that haven’t even happened. We’re consumed with “what ifs.” We are robbed of our peace and joy. 

Julie LeFebure, author of, Right Now Matters, said, “The future becomes a distraction when we allow fear and worry to fill it.” Do we realize our worry is a distraction? The enemy designed it so it would make us take our eyes off God. We get focused in unseen places and we completely miss God.  

Three pitfalls to worry:

1.Worry is often founded in our imagination. 

Have you ever gone to that worst case scenario in your mind? You’ve played out a whole tragic scene that always ends in heartache. In a matter of seconds peace is gone. But when we pause, we realize it hasn’t happened; we’ve simply imagined fiery trials. Goodness, it’s easy to do, isn’t it? We get lost in our imagination and it robs us of contentment. 

2. Worry keeps us focused on negativity and catastrophizing.

There is nothing positive about worry or fear. They’re the vehicle for negativity. According to Medical News Today, “Catastrophizing means that a person fixates on the worst possible outcome and treats it as likely, even when it is not. Therapy and medication can help reduce or stop catastrophizing.” With catastrophizing we believe the negative outcome will come to pass. Catastrophizing is often associated with anxiety or depression. Thankfully, there is medical help for the condition.

3. Worry leaves God out of the equation.

When we worry we experience spiritual amnesia. We lose sight of who God is. We forget His character and ability.  We doubt He will come through for us. We fail to remember He is near. We draw a blank that He’s right here, ready to help us as soon as we call on Him. 

God Cares

God is concerned with moms who carry fear. He has provided endless promises to overcome our doubts. Here’s one helpful way to live: “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 MSG

God is calling us to be present. When we give our entire attention to God presently then we don’t need to fuss about what may or may not happen. If and when something bad happens then God will be right beside us to get us through. Isn’t that good news momma? This is our benevolent King. 

In those moments of worry, we can pause and say, “God keep us here, where You are. Help us focus on You instead of imagining horrible outcomes for our grownup kids.”

How Staying Present is the Remedy for Worry

1. Focus on today:

You do not know what tomorrow holds, but you know God holds your future. Instead of falling into worry, you remind yourself to seek God today, right now. Today is all we are promised, so you can be present with God and enjoy it. Seek His face. Talk to Him. Be aware of His presence and your worries will flee.

2.  Focus on God’s presence.

 The great God of the Bible is with you each day. Let that give you confidence. Meditate on the magnificence and power of God in the scriptures and you’ll watch your worries shrink quickly. Spend time studying the character of God so you understand how awesome He is. In doing this, trust in Him will grow. 

3. Choose the peace God offers now.

Instead of becoming overwhelmed with your adult children’s lives, choose the peace God offers today. Peace is a byproduct of walking closely with God. We can reach for it at any moment. It’s also embodied in the character of Jesus, our true Prince of Peace. Let’s not forget it’s one of the fruits of the Spirit displayed in the mom who trusts her Lord. 

Worry will come and we don’t have to berate ourselves for being human, but let’s be mindful. When we pay attention to what we’re thinking we are aware of worry and stop it before it sends us to negative spaces. As we are present to God we are able to lay our concerns at His feet and receive His tender grace which always leads to peace. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, Help me stay present with You now instead of storming into the future in my thoughts, as I’m enveloped with worry and fear. Help me understand You are with me now and that’s all that matters. Help me learn to stay aware of Your presence instead of rushing into worry. Thank you for being the peace I so dearly long for. Help me stay present with You each day. Amen.

Still struggling?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, to the Questioning Mom to the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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