“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” - Isaiah 43:18-19

Shuffling Down Memory Lane

Angela sat crossed-legged on the wood floor surrounded by tattered photo albums of her kids. How many times had she returned to them to reminisce? “Who even uses photo albums anymore?” she wondered.

Memories flooded her mind as she recalled tender, silly moments with her growing children. It was so much easier then. She knew exactly what to do. Even when she questioned her mothering skills, she knew how to find answers. Her local MOPS group was filled with friends and squirrely kids. Moms traded parenting tips like their kids exchanged Pokemon cards. They prayed together and clung to each other. There was so much support. They scoured Parenting magazine and listened to Dr. Dobson's, Focus on the Family. The answers to parenting questions were plentiful back then.

There was a rhythm to life that revolved around feeding, bathing, playing, and bedtime routines with her children. Every season she’d sort through their clothing and assess what new items they needed. Hand Me Downs and garage sale finds were traded between kids. 

Her biggest problems were endless laundry, bickering kids, defiant toddlers, and the need to cook another meal for her hungry crew. Oh, how she wished she could go back in time where she felt assured of her role in this world. Her children adored her, even if they did have moments of tension, she knew how to make it better.

Right Now

Now that her children are grown, life feels more complicated. The stakes are higher. There are bigger obstacles, and she’s supposed to “let go.” How can she honor the past, but not get stuck there?  

Pitfalls of Living in the Past

It’s normal for moms with adult children to get stuck in the past. Nostalgia overwhelms us and we don’t always accept the grownup child in front of us. Truth be told, we’d rather go back to simpler days. Nostalgia has its place. It’s okay to reminisce, as long as we don’t get stuck in some idealized version of the past.   

These are pitfalls of living in the past:

1.  We don’t realize our children have changed, so we pigeonhole them into a version of themselves that has long passed. We must realize our children are grown; they are not babies anymore. 

2. When we focus on the past, moms can get stuck in regret. Regret is futile because it won’t change the past, it will just make us miserable today. Regret needs to be left at the foot of the cross, where Jesus covers our mistakes.

3. When we focus on the past, we miss the beauty and good of the present. We miss what God is actually doing now with our grownup children. We won’t see how our offspring have matured and grown if we continually focus on the past.

The best way to live is to be present. How can a mom be present with her grown kids? How can she honor the past and see the beauty in today? 

What is God’s heart on the matter? “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” - Isaiah 43:18-19 God asks us to not look back. He invites us to release the past and focus on the new thing He is doing.

He calls us to be present as He does a fresh thing in our children’s lives. It’s okay to reminisce, but we weren’t meant to live in the past yearning for what is no longer here. Today, right now, God is doing something spectacular in your grownup child’s life. Don’t miss out on the good because you want to go back to simpler, familiar times. 

In her book, Right Now Matters, author Julie Lefebure, makes this powerful statement: “Right now matters because it’s where God is and where He desires to meet us. It’s where God desires us to live, not in the past nor in the future. Right now matters because it is the only moment God is present with us. Did you know the word “now” occurs 1,219 times in the New International Version translation of the Bible? This word, which means “at the present time or without delay,” was clearly important in Bible times as it is today.”

Embrace the Present

You have a choice to make and a shift in your thinking. These tips will help you embrace the present.

1. Acceptance is key.

Longing for former years will make you miserable today because you can never go back in time. Instead you invite the changes you see. You accept those sweet days are gone, but in doing so you are able to recognize the gifts God has today. You welcome change. You accept your new role, and you believe there is goodness right here and now.

2.  Manage your fears.

Most often you don’t want to be present because fear causes you to pull back. Instead of living in fear, you learn to manage your stressors and worries. You battle through prayer and honest confession with God. You have the Holy Spirit  fill you with courage so you can have peace. You understand your great God is at work in every tense situation. Your abiding in Him gives you strength to handle today.

3.  Recognizing today is precious.

You are not promised tomorrow. The Lord gives you this day and he asks you to rejoice in it (Psalm 118:24). You are welcome to seek His presence now. To dwell with Him because you do not know what the future holds. In these past years, with Covid and wars, you’ve learned the fragility of life. What are you doing to be grateful for this day God has given you?

It’s normal for moms to long for the simpler days, when kids were near and we knew what to expect. We understood our assignment and they were sweet times. But when we’re stuck living in the past, we miss the glorious gifts of today with our grown up kids. Today is all we have. Let’s enjoy it.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, Help me to recognize the past is sweet with its memories, but I can’t get stuck there. You’re not calling me to move backwards. You desire me to focus on today, because today is all we have. Give me the courage to face today with confidence in You. Help me find the gifts in being present with my grownup kids. Help me bless and see them as they are now. Amen.

Still struggling?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, to the Questioning Mom to the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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