“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31

Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Amber scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Amber thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Maddie was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Amber sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Maddie barked. Aghast, Amber yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” Maddie hollered. 

 Amber quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Amber noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Amber’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

• Why God?

• Where did I go wrong?

• What will others think of me?

• What if they experience complete separation from God?

• How can we get along when we disagree?

These are heavy questions. I know because I’ve asked them too.  But I also know we serve a gracious God who is ready and willing to minister to our every need if and when our child rejects his faith. 

You are seen. You are held. You are loved.

You are a partaker of Christ’s divine nature and that might be the sweetest revelation of all. You are not left alone in your pain. 

Holidays with Grace

 Let’s infuse our interactions with a little holiday grace as you navigate family gatherings.

God’s grace is an immense comfort and source of strength for Christian moms facing the pain of a child rejecting their faith, especially during the holidays. Here are some ways God's grace is available to these moms:

1. Grace to not pressure your child to conform to your views.

 It’s normal to want to rush in and tell your child what to do or believe, but those days are over. Your child is free to think and believe differently than you. That’s no affront to your influence, it's just that sometimes our adult children need to try out ideas. 

It’s in wrestling where they make their relationship with God personal. They may need to reject God for a season and you have to be okay with that. But you need to remain calm and not demand anything of your child, while you wait for God to reveal His heart to them. Your child already knows where you stand with God and any lecturing will only deepen the chasm between each other.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”-Romans 12:12

2. Grace to manage your emotions well.

I know you are wading through powerful, overwhelming emotions. You may feel anger, sadness, regret, confusion, shame, and grief, but this is not the time to overreact emotionally. You need to control your emotions in a healthy way, especially when you are around your child, who rejects God. 

This doesn’t mean you pretend. No, no, no. I’m saying process your emotions away from your child and with God.  You get honest with God and let those tears of anger and pain pour forth. Journal, pray and walk, have an anger cleaning session( am I the only one who cleans the best when she’s angry?) You work out your emotions with God so you don’t unleash your pain on your adult child. When you explode emotionally, it causes fissures in your bond with your child. I know you don’t want that.

 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”-1 Peter 5:7

3. Grace to listen to your adult child’s perspective.

This might be the hardest grace to apply but you will get a hundred fold return on your connection with your adult child. As humans we desire to be heard. Your child feels the same way. They want you to listen to their perspective without judging them for their opinion. 

The best way to foster this is to invite your child into a conversation. Simply say, “Tell me where you’re at with God. I’d really like to hear your perspective.” Then listen to understand. You're not listening to give a rebuttal or find the hole in their argument. You’re listening to understand your child’s heart.  After your child has shared, simply say, “Thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot.”  Then give them a hug and end the conversation. This is how you build a connection with your child. This is the way back to each other.

 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."-James 1:19

4. Grace to love your child unconditionally.

What your child needs most now is your unconditional love. They need to know that no matter wha,t they are safe with you and are confident you will not withhold your love for them. You won’t give up, withhold, or condemn them for rejecting their faith. 

What could it look like if your pain was replaced with compassion? So often, I imagine Jesus’ compassion for the lost. He was gracious, kind, and direct, but foremost, He led with love with every human He connected with. He is our model for love. He is our perfect example. Lead with love, momma, and watch your bond be restored.

 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”-1 Corinthians 13:7

Grace allows you to stand even when your child rejects God because you know God isn’t finished yet. You’ll hold unto Him as you don’t pressure your child, manage your emotions well, listen to understand, and love unconditionally. Surely Christ will see you through.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I don’t want to walk on eggshells, this holiday season, with my adult child. Help me not take it personally when my child rejects You. Help me demonstrate love and compassion as my child wrestles with her relationship with You. I praise You for holding her and me through this challenging season. Amen.

Still struggling?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a robust guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling Mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory Mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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