“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” - 1 Chronicles 16:34

Holiday Blues

I have felt the sting of sadness when plans don’t quite go the way I imagined. I long for the days when all my kids were around my holiday table.

I long to cling to the traditions I built when my children were young. 

I loved how the kids fussed over setting the table. We’re an artistic bunch and they worked hard to make it pretty.

Now that my children are grown, it’s not always possible to be together every holiday. I have to share them with their spouses' families. They all live far from me and the distance can be a hindrance to us gathering. As much as I want holidays to remain the same, it’s no longer possible.

In the early years with my adult children this left me heartbroken and sometimes bitter. 

Moms, we know we need to adapt, but we struggle with change. We wrestle with traditions being set aside now that our children are grown. In the quiet, when we’re honest, we really want things to go our way. We wrestle with selfishness. 

What if there is a way for moms to release holiday expectations? 

Could gratitude hold the key?

While expectations rumble with selfishness and demands, gratitude keeps our hearts open to the goodness of God and the needs of our family members.

While we want to hold tight to our old ways and traditions, gratitude helps us see new possibilities and gives us a fresh perspective. 

Where expectations squeeze and take, gratitude releases and gives.

The antidote to expectations is gratitude. As we shift our heart to give thanks, we invite God near. His nearness transforms us. 

Where bitterness reigned, softness was invited to dwell.

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” - Psalm 9:1

Let’s define gratitude. 

Gratitude is simply whispering a quiet thanks to God for all you see and who He is. Gratitude is a small gesture that reorients us to God’s heart. 

What does it look like to actually practice gratitude?

It will require you to look beyond yourself and notice your environment. You will need to pause and observe. Become a chaser of beauty and delight. 

When you find beauty, there you will see God. And when you see God and know He is near, you will hold more loosely to your plans and expectations. 

Your heart will expand. I know because I’ve experienced it myself. There’s a lightness, freedom, and contentment that comes when you make gratitude a habit.

So, how do you do it?

You need to think small and specific when you list your thanks: the warm cup of coffee, the golden sunset, the light across the wood floor, your grandchild’s giggle, the smell of fresh baked bread, and the warmth of your spouse’s hand in yours. 

Gratitude helps you see what you have instead of what you lack. Ann Voskamp calls this list gifts, and she recommends you never stop writing them down. 

Find a notebook, use the note app on your phone, or a google doc on your computer and make writing the gifts a daily discipline and watch how your heart is changed. 

It seems too simple, doesn’t it?

Let’s talk about why gratitude helps us release expectations. Are you ready?

1. Gratitude changes hearts:

   We cannot be embittered and grateful at the same time. The two cannot coexist and this might be the best news for the frustrated mom. Our hearts are softened and moldable when they are washed in gratitude. This in turn makes us tender towards our adult children when they ask to do something different for the holidays.

2. Gratitude helps us see God.

   As a mom is required to shift in this season of motherhood she may feel abandoned. Gratitude reminds us that God is very near. Listing the gifts helps us experience His sweet presence. Gratitude opens our eyes to God's proximity. In His presence we find peace and the ability to adapt. This will be a gift to our families. 

3. Gratitude can mend relationships:

   Instead of finding fault or criticism, gratitude helps us call out the good in others. What could it look like if we started thanking God for the gifts we see in our grown children, instead of criticizing or judging them. Imagine the delight and heart transformation as we reconnect with our adult children.

4. Gratitude ushers in joy:

It’s funny how we get this wrong. We think when we’re joyful, then we can give thanks, but the opposite is true. Ann Voskamp sums it up best: “Being joyful isn’t what makes you grateful. Being grateful is what makes you joyful.”

The habit of gratitude is the pathway to joy because this rhythm helps us experience God, who is the true source of all joy. When we feel melancholy roll in and try to steal our joy, because the holidays look different this year, fight back with gratitude.

Like the Grinch that stole Christmas, we will feel our hearts expand. I promise it works because I’ve experienced it myself. 

Momma, I understand change is hard for you. I wish I could give you a big ‘ole hug right now. I wish I could say navigating holiday change doesn't hurt, but I know it does. 

You will get there. Be gracious with yourself and try gratitude. I promise if you make being grateful a daily habit, you will feel a shift in your heart.

When we practice the habit of listing the things we’re thankful for, we will experience a change within. We’ll see our adult children in a fresh light, and we will experience more joy. 

This in turn will help us lay down the damaging expectations we carry about our holiday plans.

May this holiday season be the sweetest yet. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I want to practice the art of gratitude. I want to release the expectations I carry that cause stress in my family. Open my eyes to Your goodness and presence all around as I become aware of the beauty You place before me each day. I want to see You more, so I can let go of these expectations and experience the joy of gathering with my family whatever that looks like.  Amen

Still struggling to navigate your relationship with your adult child?

Maybe this will help.

I’ve created a free guide for you, “Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child.” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.