The Critical Wife

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” -Proverbs 21:19

A few years ago I was feeling kind of blah in my marriage. Have you ever been there? Dissatisfaction and nit-picking were becoming part of my normal routine. It had nothing to do with my husband and everything to do with ME. This was my problem! Sure, I loved my husband, because he’s an amazing man, but this critical spirit had descended upon me, and it was clouding my perspective. The feelings simmered below the surface and effected every interaction we had.

One morning as I was spending time in prayer, Papa(my name for God) and I were talking about it. God asked me to make a list of all the things I loved about my hubby. I rattled off twenty items easily. There’s no one who makes me laugh the way he does. He’s this wonderful mix of serious and weird. He saves the most weird for me, and then tells everyone he married me so he’d look normal.

He’s a man of integrity. Who he is in the pulpit is the same man he is in our home. He does what he says he’s going to do. I love when he holds my hand because I feel safe, secure, and protected. Let’s not forget his legs! He has great legs because he’s an avid bike rider. I adore watching him parent our kids because it helps heal the wounds from my father. In the last five years he started making me breakfast every morning. Who does that? Bob does it because he knows I feel loved when he serves me. He makes me amazing breakfasts, like frittatas, omelets, and avocado toast. Isn’t that sweet? Why in the world would I be critical of a guy like this?

Papa then asked me to make a second list. This time I was to list my sin, failures and shortcomings. First on my list was my critical spirit. Why was I so critical of such an amazing man? What is broken in me that causes me to focus on his flaws? How about my sassy tone? Why can’t I just respond with a gentle reply?

Next came my bossy ways and suggesting how he do things. For heaven’s sake, he’s a grown man and doesn’t need me telling him what to do! How disrespectful can I be? As I continued with my list, the tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt ashamed and disgusted with my behavior. Papa wasn’t being hard on me, He was simply showing me, there was plenty I could work on.

I took those lists and prayed through them each day for several months. It was so encouraging to remind myself of how amazing my husband was. He was mine. This incredible gift from God was mine and I would have the privilege of loving him the rest of my life.

Being Critical Hurts Your Marriage:

• It makes it difficult to feel joy in your marriage.

• It causes you to magnify your spouses faults, while minimizing your own flaws.

• It distorts your perspective, and the true state of your marriage.

There is only one person you are responsible to change and it is YOU. Only God can change others. It’s not our job to change our spouse. Only the Holy Spirit can move on another’s heart. My husband jokingly says my voice and the Holy Spirit’s are a lot alike.

When criticism has moved to the forefront in your mind, it should indicate something needs to be addressed. I knew this was on me. I didn’t even tell Bob I was going through this, but I bet he could see and feel the difference after Papa dealt with my heart.

I make it a point to remind myself each day what a blessing it is to be married to Bob. This keeps my heart in the right place and provides the sweetest atmosphere for our love to deepen and grow. If and when a critical spirit pops up, I know to take it to God in prayer and allow Him to change me.

I’ve included a free resource, “Five Ways to Improve Your Marriage.” Just click on the image below for the free pdf.