“Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” - Jeremiah 31:3

Tears in the Hallway

Flustered Erica dabbed the tears from her eyes and begged God for the courage to hold it together today. She bumped into her friend Julie and her mom, Nancy on the way into Bible Study. She tried to hide her tears, but they spilled out in the safety of friends. Julie reached out to Erica and pulled her into a warm hug. “Erica, what’s wrong?”

Choking back the tears, “I’m so upset! I don’t know what to do. My daughter was arrested last night. There was a huge party, and it was busted, and they were taken in. She’s so far from God, and I feel like a failure. Can you pray with me?” Erica sobbed. “Of course, sweet friend,” said Julie. Wise Nancy, with the warm brown eyes and kind grin, didn’t seem concerned at all. She placed her hand on Erica’s shoulder and said with a sly grin, “Oh sweetheart, she’s just working on her testimony.” 

Erica laughed and felt the tension ease from her body. Julie handed her a Kleenex, and they took in the truth of the poignant statement. Elizabeth was right. Calm settled over Erica as she realized God was still with her daughter. This wasn’t the way she wanted her daughter's story to go, but she couldn’t deny God's presence. 

They bowed their heads in the church hallway to pray. Erica’s breathing slowed, as the tears the tears stopped. She heard the still small voice whisper to her soul. “She needs your love more than anything.” Stunned by the revelation, Erica headed the voice of God and knew the best thing she could do was love her prodigal. 

Have you felt the sting of your child making poor choices?  Are they far from God, and you don’t know what to do?

It’s stunning what the Lord revealed to Erica in the midst of silence. When we pause and bow before Him, He speaks. We want to fuss and carry on when our children stray, but God invites us to love our prodigals well.

 We often focus on how we lack and our feelings of inadequacy. We shake our fists to heaven and say, “God it’s not supposed to be this way!” We’re distraught, confused, and disappointed. Yet amidst all that turmoil, God calls us to a higher assignment, love. It’s the upside down ways of the kingdom as we are invited to participate with God in His good work. 

What can we learn about God’s love?

When the Israelites roamed the desert for forty years, hell-bent on doing things their own way, God was incredibly patient. They constantly disobeyed God. The children of God bowed down to idols, complained relentlessly, and married the wrong people. They were stubborn and rebellious, yet God never gave up on them. 

Jeremiah the prophet explains God’s character beautifully. “Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”-Jeremiah 31:3

Here we see the graciousness of God. He could have become angry. He could have said, “I’m done with you.” Instead He reminds them how much He loves them. Oh the riches of our glorious Father. When their hearts were far from Him, He lovingly called them to return to Him.  

 It sounds a lot like our prodigals doesn’t it?  They’ve lost their way. They’ve ended up in places they never intended to be, and yet there is a patient, loving God who continually pursues them with His love. 

Four reasons your prodigal needs to be loved.

1. Questioning their faith is normal.

Momma, sometimes you jump to conclusions and don’t understand it’s normal for your child to wrestle with God. They need to examine other ideas and beliefs. It’s not because they want to reject how you raised them, instead, in wrestling, they will figure out what they believe. They ponder and adapt. They will try out new concepts. 

When you ease up and trust the process, you won’t overreact or try to correct. Instead you’ll love your questioning child by engaging in conversation where you listen well to their opinions. Don’t fear wrestling. Invite them to talk and process. This is the sweetest way to love them.

2. Owning your part brings restoration.

According to Joannie Debrito, mental health professional, the way you parent may impact your child's desire to reject God. Often authoritarian parents are overbearing and the child wants freedom from the control. With permissive parenting, the child felt loved but lacked structure, or guidelines to be successful. Neglectful parents create children who feel unloved and don’t know how to have healthy relationships.

Momma, you aren’t entirely responsible for your child’s behavior as an adult. Debrito says, “However, suppose you see that you partially contributed to the distance between you and your young adult child. In that case, you have the amazing opportunity to be a part of the solution. Be the first to show empathy and say, “Hey, I miss you, and I think that I have some responsibility here. Can we talk about this? I’m ready to hear what happened, from your perspective, and to tell you where I was coming from so we can figure out how to have a more healthy relationship as adults.” 

3. Empathy builds a bridge. 

Instead of criticizing or judging your prodigal, try empathy as a way to connect with your adult child. Lay down your desire to correct and be present with your prodigal right where they are.

Brene’ Brown said, “Empathy is feeling with people. It’s a sacred place where someone is in a deep hole and you go down and join them. When they say, ‘I’m stuck and overwhelmed.’ You respond with, ‘I don’t know what to say, but I’m glad you told me.’” A person in pain needs to feel safe to be honest. They need us to recognize the state of their pain without fixing it. They want to feel seen and heard. 

Empathy is infused with compassion, and grace. Listening with a tender heart is a gift to your wayward child. It seems a lot like Jesus. 

4. Your love will help them see God.

Your child may have an incorrect view of God which can shape his decision to reject Him. You want your offspring to lay down his biased views so he can find the true God. The surest way to do this is to show love because when you exhibit tenderness, it’s a reflection of God.  

Your child doesn’t need to be preached at, instead, they need a living, breathing representation of God’s love in you. Be a banner of love over your child. Walk and live like Jesus did, tender, kind, patient, and non judgemental.  When your child sees love in action they will respond favorably. 

When our adult children reject their faith, they need our love more than anything. They desire gracious mothers who lay down their expectations, rights, and criticism. They yearn for moms full of devotion and patient understanding. The require love in our eyes, kindness is our tone, and a heart set to listen and be empathetic. When your child sees love in you, they will see God.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, Give me the ability to love my wayward child well. Help me be less consumed with my hurts and focus on how to love them well. I want to be a pure example of unconditional love. I will trust Your work but help me do what I need to do as You draw my child to Your heart. Amen.

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