“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge.” - Psalm 62:8

Honest Prayers

I’m in my usual early morning spot with God, curled up on my pretty orange bird chair. I’m tucked under a blanket with a cup of coffee, my Bible, and my journal.  I carry deep sadness today. I had a challenging night with pain.  I awake with another headache. It goes up the back of my head and lands on my forehead. It feels like hot coals on the inside.  I must have slept weird again. Why or why can’t I train my body to land the right way when I’m sleeping, so I don’t wretch my neck? I try to massage the knots, but they never go away.

 I want a good night’s sleep.  I  want the pain to end.  Six years of pain feels unbearable, especially from a car accident that isn’t my fault. A distracted driver rear-ends me, and I’m stuck with endless ache. I still see the two young men laughing as I look in the rearview mirror after impact.   Today, it feels like too much to bear. 

I don’t talk to God about my pain lately.  I have in the past, but His silence and inactivity keep me from bringing it up. It seems like my prayers for relief have bounced off the ceiling for years.  But today, I’m weary.  I don’t think I can do this anymore.

So, I bravely pour out my frustration with prolonged suffering. I release my anger and sense of abandonment. I voice my contempt as hot tears fall.  “Why won’t you rescue me, God? I believe in Your power!  I’ve seen You do miracles and yet You do nothing for my pain! I read through the New Testament of Jesus’ miracles and His compassion towards the sick.  When is it my turn?  When will You turn and be gracious to me?  Why God? Why?”

It’s like a release valve is opened as I honestly talk to God about my disappointment.  

I sit quietly and catch my breath. Piles of crumpled Kleenex rest on my Bible.  Instead of feeling abandoned, I feel relieved.  It feels good to get it off my chest.  Sweet peace settles over me and I hear God speak. 

I hear His gentle voice, “I’m so glad we’re talking about this.  I like it when you tell me how you feel.  You don’t have to hide a thing from Me.  Pour it out. I’m here.”

I’m learning to receive God’s grace in my most vulnerable places.  I don’t have to hide my emotional or physical discomfort from Him anymore. I’m taught to trust His ways.

Vulnerability Builds Connection

One of the most helpful things to do to grow our connection with God is to have unguarded conversations with Him.  When we open up about what’s truly on in our hearts, then we build intimacy. We pave the way for loving union. We share our deepest needs than God, in turn, will minister to our trouble.

If we never talk to God about what weighs heavy on our hearts, how can He help us?  We’re left making unfavorable assumptions about God. We think He’s unkind, uncaring, or unloving.  

When we have an unfiltered conversation, we create an environment where God can release His love on us.  If we never go to Him with our deepest distress, we can’t receive our Maker’s healing touch.

Benefits of Vulnerability:

1. It leads to intimacy: When we freely open up, it leads to closeness.  God already knows everything we’re thinking or feeling, but when we have a conversation with God about how we feel, we’ll feel united.  It’s like when we have a chat with our best friends. It creates a bond.

2. It builds trust: When we reveal our hearts to God it shows Him we trust Him.  We trust Him to care for us with compassion and grace.  God will never judge us for being honest.  He welcomes transparency.

3. It helps us be vulnerable with others:  Once we learn to be unprotected with God, it trickles into other relationships.  As long as we find “safe people”, we can practice being vulnerable with them.  Start in your marriage, with your kids or your best friend. Watch your union grow as you learn to be candid with them.

Vulnerability is the gateway to security with God, so don’t fear it, sweet friends.  We will be met with compassion and love as we have honest conversations with God, and as a result, we’ll experience His comfort. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, Help me learn to open up to You about the things that weigh heavy on my heart.  I want to know how to have honest conversations with You and build trust in our relationship.  Thank You for meeting me with acceptance and grace when we meet. Amen.

Still, struggling?

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