Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”- Matthew 11:28 NLT

Restless

Sarah crawls to her chair, defeated before she tries to connect with God. Her nights are filled with memories of  conversations she’s had with her distant child. She flops continually, each night.

They were once so close.  “What happened?” she wonders.  She rehearses each conversation in her mind, doubting every word she speaks. “Should I have said this? Did I do it wrong, God?  I was trying to do the right thing, but now I’m all alone.” 

Hot tears stain her Bible as she continually remembers the hurt. These thoughts run through her mind constantly, stealing her peace.  She’s prayed, begged God and apologized so many times, yet her grown child remains aloof and un-phased by her kind gesture.

Sarah strains to find the good in God’s Word. Hopelessness consumes her as she wades through her days in a continuous fog of pain, self-loathing, shame and doubt.  

What’s a mom to do when a child won’t receive her apology? Where does she turn? How does she find peace and hope again after she’s been battered by one she’s loved deeply?

Complex Topic

This topic of apologizing is complex and difficult to navigate.  Please know my heart is not to bring condemnation nor provide simple answers.  Let’s wade through this topic together, extending grace as we go.

There are two camps when it comes to apologizing:

-The Prideful: They bristle and won’t budge and would never apologize to their grown children.  I’ve seen it in families, and it’s caused irreparable harm in their relationship.  There is distance and harshness all around.

-The Hopeless: They have apologized profusely and are left in a pile of brokenness, wishing they could change their relationship, but their child refuses their love and kindness.  This is the most heartbreaking of all. 

Most of us probably fall somewhere in the middle on our ability to apologize and see progress in our relationship with our adult kids.  So let’s address the hopeless today because my heart breaks for these moms. 

There is no greater pain than when you’ve humbled yourself before someone to apologize and they don’t accept your words.  What are we to do with our bleeding heart?  What does this mean for our relationship with our adult child?

Four Steps To Peace When An Apology is Rejected:

• Pour out your pain to God

No one understands a broken heart better than our benevolent God.  He’s waiting to minister peace and hope for your pain.  Get honest as you navigate the heartache.  You’ll never be judged or ridiculed for your feelings, but you will be asked to rest in God.  “I cry out to the Lord; I  plead for the Lord's mercy. I pour out my complaints before him   and tell him all my troubles.” Psalm 142:1-2 NLT

• Surrender results to God

We hope our apology will have an impact and when it does not, we’re devastated.  The only solution is surrender.  We lay it all down before our compassionate King, not taking it back.  We quiet ourselves before Him and submit to God’s perfect timing. “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”-James 4:7 NLT

• Trust God 

This will be a season of walking by faith.  But, our Maker is worthy to be trusted with our adult kids.  He’s always doing so much more than we can see.  As we trust, we’ll feel peace return.  We won’t be consumed by the pain anymore, because we understand God’s ways are perfect. ”Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

• Practice unconditional love

We want to pull back when we’ve been rejected, but God asks us to do the more difficult thing; to love our child unconditionally.  Don’t allow their rejection of you cause you to, in turn, to reject them.  They need your love more than ever.  Love wins every time.   “ Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a    multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NLT

Human relationships are complex, at best. We assume an apology will right all wrongs, but often it does not.  Do we still apologize? Yes, we do, but when we’re rejected, we can still have hope. We partner with God by releasing the pain. We surrender our child our Maker and trust His ways, even when it doesn’t look good. We love our adult children unconditionally because this is what God’s loving-kindness propels us to do.

As we take these steps, peace returns to our frayed emotions.

Pray with me.

Dear Papa, when I’m feeling rejected and bruised, help me turn to You instead of allowing offense and bitterness to grow in my heart. Comfort me with Your love and help me lay down my adult child at Your feet, again. Help me see Your greatness, so I can trust You completely. Let me be a channel of unconditional love towards my child. In my love, may they see You. Thank You for healing the hurt. Amen

I’ve created a free guide for you, “Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child.” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.