What is Grace?

As moms, we are in desperate need of God’s grace.

We are called to receive God’s grace, but what does that mean?

Grace is a term we throw around a lot in church culture, and it’s a consistent theme through the old and new testament. Most define grace as an “undeserved favor,” but my hubby, the pastor, often teaches how grace is the empowerment to make good choices. It’s God’s influence over our lives. When we partner this beautiful idea of undeserved favor with empowerment, we see the fullness of God's grace.

Grace flows from His character, then spills over into us as our Maker enables us to love our adult children well. 

Favor + Empowerment

Let’s look at some verses to explain:

“[We] are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” - Romans 3:24 Paul is writing to the church in Rome to explain that our salvation in Christ is a free gift. God is that good! We cannot do anything to earn it; we receive it with thanksgiving. Paul is saying God’s undeserved favor and love come to us because of the redemptive work of the cross.

What does this mean for a mom of adult kids? It means that we have God’s favor and generosity at our disposal. We don’t have to be so hard on ourselves as we adjust to parenting adult children. We accept the benevolence of God as we learn how to relate to our children in a new way.

Let’s look at this verse:

“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” - 2 Corinthians 9:8 Again, Paul is writing to another church, this time, in Corinth. Here Paul is saying grace is an empowerment to live the right way. This is God's power working through us to live the way Christ has called us to. 

For the mom with grownup kids, it means we have access to the power of God to do the hard things in our relationship with our kids. This includes letting go, listening well, and not rushing in to fix or rescue. This means when our kids want to move states away, we don’t view it as rejection. Instead, we accept their choice and bless them. Perhaps our child rejects God. Instead of losing faith, we learn to trust God as He works on our child’s heart. Instead of judging our child, we trust God to perfect our child’s faith in Him.

In an article, What is Grace, Pastor John Piper said this, “If once I thought of grace only as a character trait or a disposition or an inclination in the nature of God, which moved him to treat sinners better than they deserve — if that was my only conception, once upon a time — now, having seen all the texts, I broaden my understanding of grace as the Bible uses the term. Now I say, “Well, it appears that the word grace in Paul’s use not only refers to God’s character trait or disposition or inclination to treat people better than we deserve, but the word grace also refers to the action or the power or the influence or the force of this disposition, which produces real, practical outcomes in people’s lives, like being sufficient for good deeds or enduring the thorn in the flesh or working harder than everybody else, which Paul says about his own apostolic work.”

With the understanding that grace is both an undeserved favor and empowerment to do the right thing, let’s look at four reasons why a mom needs grace.

Four Reasons Why Moms Need Grace

1. Grace understands you have never parented an adult child before:

You forget that this is an entirely new experience for you as a mom. When your children were young or teens, you had to learn how to parent them. You fumbled and failed but then you figured it out. The same is true for parenting adult children.

Grace allows you to be a learner and make mistakes. When you overstep or tell your adult child what to do, remind yourself you must relate to them differently. Learn to take the back seat and help them solve their own troubles. Stop berating yourself as you walk through grief and learning how to support your grownup child well. You’ll figure it out as God graciously shows you what to do.

2. Grace covers your regret.

What mom hasn’t berated herself for the way she parented. You may live with regret, wishing you could go back and change the past or rewrite history.  You cannot do that but you can experience God's grace in the midst of regret. 

Allow God’s forgiveness and love to wash over you. When you repent before Him with a humble heart, God rushes in with His unfailing love to redeem every regretful moment. He tenderly cares for you as you pour out your heartache. Then He goes about the business of healing. It may take time and intentionality, but He will repair your brokenness. That’s how gracious our God is towards a repentant momma.

3. Grace relieves your pressure.

Sometimes you feel heavy for your adult child. When your child struggles, you become overwhelmed. You lay awake at night, filled with worry and dread. You don’t know how to let go of your addicted child’s struggles. You want to fix your child’s problems.

Jesus calls us to a life of lightness. When we walk with Jesus He does the heavy lifting. So everything that weighs heavy on your heart concerning your adult children can be brought to Jesus. You can let him carry your burdens. You can learn the unforced rhythms of grace of Jesus. You do this by spending time with your Savior. You follow Christ's example of dependence on the Father. You release control.

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”- Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

4. Grace allows you to focus on something other than your kids.

Motherhood was a beautiful calling. You did what God asked you to do, but now you are free to focus on new interests.You can pursue the deep longings of your soul that you put on hold while you raised your kids. You can make a good marriage even stronger. 

You have freedom to focus on volunteering, a new hobby or business, or building new friendships. Grace allows you to see motherhood was meaningful, but you are ready for the new thing God has for this season of your life. Grace enables you to courageously pivot. Who knows what good God has ahead for you? What could your life look like if you asked God what to do now? 

When we understand the fullness of God’s grace, we see it as a reflection of His unfailing love and care for us and the enablement to do all that He’s asked of us in this fresh season of motherhood. It’s amazing grace, indeed.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I know I’m in need of Your grace. Help me understand it as I move into this new phase of parenting adult children. I long to learn Your unforced rhythms of grace. Help me to understand Your unfailing love and lean into the empowerment You give me to do well by my adult children. Amen.

Still struggling? 

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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