What Everybody Ought to Know About Feelings
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“I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills.” - Exodus 31:3
Here’s a typical scenario from my life. I sit down at the computer to do anything: a little work, read some emails, tinkering on my website, and I’m confronted with a technical issue for which I have no skill. My immediate response, every time is to get frustrated. This anger and impatience rises to the surface, and I scream at the computer or I berate myself. My inner critic screams, “You should know by now. Why are you so stupid.” Can anyone relate? Please tell me I’m not the only ridiculous person screaming at computer screens. Does that seem like an overreaction? Of course it is.
Why do we react? Most often our big feelings come from a place of hurt. Truth is, when I pay attention deep down, I feel stupid. I feel shame for not knowing how to do things. A better way to handle it is to remove all the emotion. In the moment, I could graciously say to my inner critic, “You need to just back away and be quiet. I’m learning how to do this. I’ll get it eventually.” It’s amazing how easy life goes when we remove the emotional drama and manage our feelings.
We have two choices to make when we’re faced with our big feelings. We can stuff them or we can explode and neither is a healthy option. When we stuff or deny our feelings, it creates peace for the moment, but eventually those feelings will come rolling out at a most inopportune time, and you won’t understand why. Stuffing also leads to a myriad of physical ailments. Exploders simply react instantly and usually cause damage with their words or their physical outburst. You get holes in walls, broken dishes, and shattered hearts.
Well known author, Lysa Terkeurst says it best in her book, Made to Crave, “Feelings are indicators, not dictators.” When we feel something, it’s an indicator of a deeper issue. Something is going on inside, and we should pause and pay attention. The feelings don’t have to dictate an unhealthy response.
Here’s helpful ways to manage your feelings:
When you feel something big, pay attention. It’s an indicator something deeper needs to be addressed.
Before you respond, pause. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” It’s likely we respond to the same emotional triggers. Pause and look for a pattern and then dig deeper. You’ve likely felt this before. Anger is easy, but it’s also a secondary emotion. Rumbling right under the surface of anger is usually, hurt, rejection, or shame.
Respond instead of reacting. Take the big emotions away and simply respond. This is going to be difficult for a person who is used to reacting, but with time you will be able to do it.
Invite the Holy Spirit into the moment. He’s always present. Allow Him to speak truth to your feelings. Allow the truth of the Word to bring clarity to your frayed emotions.
Replace the lie with a Truth. For example, the lie I believe when I fail at technology is, I’m stupid. The truth is I have amazing emotional intelligence, but when it comes to technical things, I’m not good at it because I haven’t done it much. So I tell myself, “You can do it. You can learn new things, and it’s going to be OK. Pamela, just be patient and gracious with yourself the way you are with others. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, even if technology is hard for you. God will help you.” Isn’t that better then screaming at a computer screen?
Our job as Believers is to grow in understanding. Not just understanding of God and His ways, but understanding ourselves and why we do what we do. Once we learn to be emotionally healthy, it opens us to the greater things of God because we’re not getting tripped up by our unhealthy ways.
I’ve included a free printable resource to help you pray through your difficult emotions. Just click the graphic, “How to Handle Feelings,” below and it will take you to the Encouragement tab on my blog. Leave for name and email for my free resource.
