Little Known Ways to Encourage Your Adult Kids
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“Behold children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3
We marked a major milestone with our five kids as our youngest daughter, Keziah, celebrated her eighteenth birthday last month. Bob and I are shocked our offspring are all adults, as their age range is 18 to 29. We enjoyed a quiet evening at home, just the two of us, as we talked about this phase of parenthood.
When life was full with busy, small children, we looked forward to when they were all grown. Since Bob and I are quite tall, we imagined they would be too. We were correct with our prediction. We ranged from 5’11” to 6’6” and it’s the one notable characteristic of our family .
Last night my hubby says, “I just wish they were all little and I could tuck them into the Suburban.” It’s a funny thought because lest you think our times in the Suburban were peaceful, happy times— they were anything but. Our kids were notoriously, horrible travelers. We were rarely more than an one to two hours car ride from family, but you would have thought it took days to travel . Dramatic plea’s from the backseats and much lamenting were part of each trip. We always had to stop for restroom breaks and let’s not forget the trip home from Mall of America when we all puked. Now we’re living in three different states and five separate cities, where the car trips are extra long.
Though the days were noisy, long, and tedious, it was nice to have them underfoot. Their problems were in proportion to their size; small children equaled small problems. Solutions were simple; extra love, some attention and guidance was all they needed. They were close and we were responsible for their physical, spiritual and emotional development. Aside from a few broken bones, we hope we didn’t scar them too much.
Now that they’re grown, it’s hard to watch them struggle. We want to rescue and protect them like we did when they were small. It felt like nothing could harm them when we were all tucked together inside the noisy Suburban. We’ve stood on the sideline their whole lives, cheering them on and picking them up when they fell. Now as adults they are learning to stand on their own, navigating choices about college, careers, future spouses, what they believe about God and the world.
Here’s what we want them to know:
We will always love you unconditionally. There are no exceptions, no additions or subtractions. No matter where you go, or what you do, we will love you.
We will foster close relationship. We will encourage and support but not dictate your life. You are adults who are free to make choices which may be different from ours. We’ll model open communication. We will apologize when necessary and hope you do the same.
We will continue to entrust you to God. Your story is not our story. God is writing yours, and we will let go of expectations we have of how the story should go. Our great God has guided us as your parents and we trust Him to guide you as adults.
When you are married, we want you to leave and cleave. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 Leave us and create a beautiful life with your spouse. We will always be here for guidance when you need it, but we will not force our will on you. God has placed dreams in your heart and we want you to pursue them.
Our home will always be your home, no matter where it’s located. Come home often and raid the fridge, make a mess, tell us all about your life and let us spoil your babies.
Don’t forget your manners. Please and thank you will take you very far in this world.
One day maybe you’ll have a Suburban of your own, filled with noisy, rambunctious kids! We can only hope!
