The Routinely Forgotten Moms of Adult Children

“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the who formed you says, ‘Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you; I have called you by name. You are mine.” - Isaiah 43:1

Can We Talk?

I recognized the name in my direct messages from decades ago. We met through mutual friends and had kids of similar ages.  Anna reached out wanting to know if we could talk. I sent her a message welcoming a conversation.

I heard the heaviness in her voice as she held back tears. “I love my adult kids so much, and we have a great relationship, but I see changes in my son and I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to mess this up,” she says.  Her adult son was raised in the church and went to a Christian college, and now his lifestyle is completely anti-God, and he told her he no longer believes in God.  

“I feel like such a failure,” she cried. “I remember feeling like that, too,” I sighed. “I didn’t know who to talk to about it. I can’t talk to people at church because they’ll judge me. I’m so worried I’m going to do something wrong to damage our relationship, and I don't want to do that,” she said. “I didn’t know where to turn, and I thought of you,” she said.  We chatted for thirty minutes as she poured out her heartache. I silently whispered a prayer of thanks for God sent her my way. We need each other. I listened and encouraged as she felt relieved to talk about it.  

The Forgotten Moms

We have an army of forgotten moms trying to navigate their changing roles with their adult children, and they are filled with shame and don’t know where to turn.  They suffer in silence assuming they’ve completely ruined their kids. They carry grief and emotional overwhelm. 

They can’t talk to their friends about it because of the shame they feel as mothers. They tried their best and didn’t receive the outcome they’d hoped for, and now they feel lost. 

I want to make a shift in my writing to help these moms. I’ve been parenting my five adult kids for fourteen years now, and I’ve failed, fallen, grown, and rallied. I’ll share what’s helping and what’s not. I want to encourage these seasoned moms and support them as they navigate the emotional rollercoaster of parenting their adult children, through intimacy with God. 

Moms, we are not forgotten, and we are not required to take this journey alone. God is waiting to help and pursue.  We’ll not just address wayward kids, but all our children because there’s a lot to manage and not many people are talking about the complexities of this time in a mom’s life.

Here’s how I want to help:

-normalize our children wrestling with God

-help moms know it’s safe to come out of hiding and talk with other moms

-release control, expectations, criticism, fear, offense, and selfishness

-practice unconditional love for your adult kids

-handle the emotional overwhelm through connection with the Holy Spirit

-be responsible for the state of your heart

-relate to your adult child with respect and honor

We need each other, mommas. I want to gather all these women and give them a big hug and tell them they’re going to make it.  Their children are held by God, too.  God’s not done writing their stories. As moms we need to support, encourage, and help each other, so we don’t feel alone. These are unchartered territories, but God is faithful. As we lean on Him, we can successfully navigate these unfamiliar days. 

So keep returning here as we talk about how our intimacy with God will help us as we step into this new chapter of motherhood. 

Let’s pray together.

Dear Papa, I recognize my emotional overwhelm as I navigate this new season with my adult children.   I want to learn to respond with grace and kindness instead of criticism or judgement.  I want to pour out unconditional love and know I’m not alone in my struggle.  Holy Spirit help me as I learn and grow.  Amen.

I’ve created a free guide for you, “Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child.” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.