What A Boundary Is And Why You Need It
/
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”-Proverbs 4:23
Welcome to the Rest Over Weariness where we’re learning what contributes to our weariness as Christian women. We’ve focused on people-pleasing awareness and now we’re ready to work on the solution: boundaries. Join as we learn what a boundary is and why we need it.
Establish the Boundary
Deborah gathers her bag ready to head out for the day and sees her coworker, Julie coming toward her desk. Normally this would instill some anxiety in Deborah because Julie’s usual pattern is to not pull her weight on a project, then at the last minute she expects Deborah to finish it for her.
Julie smiles coyly and says, “Hey, Deborah, can you finish this part of our presentation? I don’t have time to get to it, and you’re so good with words. You do it so well every time.”
Deborah recognizes the tension rising in her stomach because as a people-pleaser she’s aware of her usual response. Normally she’d cave and not want to disappoint Julie. However, Deborah is weary and wants to learn new skills to let go of being a pleaser.
So this time she takes a deep breath and confronts Julie with a confident, “No, that won’t work for me, Julie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Deborah grabs her bag and walks confidently out of the office. Butterflies swirl in her tummy, but she feels a sense of accomplishment for establishing a boundary with Julie.
Most people-pleasers have few boundaries, and this is what contributes to their weariness.
What is a boundary and why do I need it?
In the natural, we see boundaries as fences, walls, manicured lawns, and signs. A boundary communicates this is where my property begins. In the spiritual world, boundaries are just as real, but it’s hard for us to see them.
Dr. Henry Cloud describes boundaries like this:
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.
Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do what I like. Taking responsibility for my own life, opens up many different options. However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited.
Benefits of boundaries:
We can learn to say “no” because we understand what we’re responsible for and what others are responsible for. We realize our sense of self is not dependent on what others think of us. It is neither unkind or selfish to say, “no.” Jesus had well established boundaries with people and so can we.
We won’t feel overwhelmed by things we must do. Because we let our “yes be yes,” and our “no be no,” we’ve opened up space in our day. We recognize we have limits and we don’t have to push past them to please others.
We gain respect. We won’t feel like our voice doesn’t matter and everyone takes advantage of us. Once boundaries are established in a relationship, there is peace.
We won’t fear conflict as much because we’ll learn we’re not responsible for others feelings. We’re responsible to them but not for them. Boundaries help us understand we’re only responsible for our part.
We’ll gain a sense of freedom instead of the closed feeling of no boundaries. Keeping boundaries gives us liberty because we are no longer tied to things we don’t want to be.
Friends, holding boundaries is a life-changing skill for the people-pleaser. It feels scary at first, but I promise with practice you’ll experience a newfound freedom. Hang in there with me, we’re going to keep learning about boundaries this month. Let’s learn together.
--------------------------------------
As a thank you for joining me on the blog today, I have a free five-day devotional to help you connect to God. Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.
