How Being Perfect Causes Our Weariness
/
“But to each of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” - Ephesians 4:7
Pushed to Perfection
Angela stays up late working on her presentation. As the hours click by and sleep calls, she pushes the urge to rest aside. One more cup of coffee will get her through the night. “Sleep is for wimps, and this project is going to be perfect,” she thinks. She’s spent hours in research and pouring over the graphics to get them just right. She agonizes over her color selection for the powerpoint presentation. “Is it pretty enough? Will it wow her boss, so she finally notices her talent?” she wonders.
It’s not just this presentation that has to be perfect, everything in Angela’s life. She attacks her home, her dresser drawers, the way she folds her towels, her hair, wardrobe, the way she posts on Instagram with utmost precision and thoughtfulness, being sure everything is pristine. Her internal dialogue pushes her to try harder, be the best, and never rest.
Inside, she fights a battle of self-loathing and fear of rejection. She feels she’s not enough, so she pushes hard to control external things in her life. She seeks to fill this longing inside and believes if she does everything perfectly, then she’ll be at peace. But the truth is the peace is fleeting. Instead of stepping back and admiring the work, she’ll notice the one little thing she does wrong. If it’s not perfect, she feels like a failure.
Where is God in all of this?
Instead of drawing near, she pushes Him away, wrongfully assuming He isn’t pleased with her. She can never enter into rest with Him because she thinks He cares about how she performs. This is a false assumption about God.
So He is far off and she’s caught in a perpetual cycle of exhaustion and self-contempt.
Can you relate?
For many people, perfectionism is a trap that keeps them from rest. They are driven to perform at optimum capacity in everything they do, and it leads to endless weariness. According to Robert McGee, in The Search for Significance, the perfectionist believes a false narrative that goes like this: “I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself.”
On the outside most perfectionists appear competent, but their motivation is insecurity. They have a set of self-imposed rules that they must follow to feel good about themselves. They like to be in control of all situations, so this pushes them to work hard. They rarely enter rest.
God never intended for us to be perfect. He desires us to be holy, or “set apart” and used for His purposes, but even in this, there is His grace and empowerment. Only He is holy. Only He is perfect and the constant striving for perfection ultimately leads us to emptiness, because in our minds eye, we never achieve it. It’s an empty chasing after that never fulfills.
The answer to perfectionism is grace.
Grace says, “I love you in spite of how you perform.” It releases the choke hold and invites us to relax in God’s presence. The love of God says, “you are enough because I am enough in you.” Grace is an inside job where the heart is at ease and comfortable. All striving ceases when grace abounds. The pressure is replaced with relief and isn’t that what we long for most? Grace says we are loved because of Christ’s goodness, not based on how we perform.
Mercy is a fresh mindset that focuses on Christ instead of self. It recognizes Christ's finished work on the cross completes us, not our own standards of perfection. This benevolent view takes the pressure off and helps us relax into God’s deep love and appreciation.
Here’s a fabulous truth to speak over your life is perfectionism is a trap you’d like to escape:
Robert McGee recommends memorizing this statement and saying it over yourself several times a day: “I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave His life for me, and therefore, imparted great value to me. I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted and complete in Christ.”
If perfectionism drives your behavior and causes your lack of rest, there is a way of escape. We can rewire our brains and step away from the false narrative that we must perform perfectly in order to feel loved. The Perfect One loves us not because of how we perform, but because of who He is. Let this truth settle over our weary hearts today.
Let’s pray.
Dear Papa, Help me recognize I’m stuck in the trap of perfectionism and the only way out is through Your grace. Help me understand Your love is not dependent on my performance. Your love is freely given because of Your goodness, not because of what I do or don’t do. I want to learn Your rhythms of grace where I can live lightly and freely with You. Please show me how. Amen.
---------------------------------------
As a gift for you, I have a free five-day devotional for those who want to learn to reconnect with God. Draw Near Beloved: Five Encouragements to Increase Your Intimacy With God will land in your inbox. Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.
