4 Ways To Conquer Your Fear Of Releasing Your Emerging Adult
/
pink flowers
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.”- Psalm 9:10 NLT
The End of An Era
Keenan stood at the podium at his high school graduation, on a steamy June evening, as he offered a short speech. His 6’5” frame was draped in a red graduation gown and mortarboard hat. Years on the stage made him a confident speaker. He was calm and articulate; his hazel eyes bright with anticipation for the future.
He wasn’t driven by achievement or accolades. He loved ideas and meaningful connection. He devoured books and ideas like candy. He was a wise old soul for a young man.
He was leaving our rural Minnesota hamlet to attend a college in downtown Minneapolis. What a jump it would be and he was bursting to get out of small town life. There was little to do except hang out with friends at the local coffee shop or drive around. He was ready for richer experiences.
His junior and senior year were spent mostly away from us because of work and student activities. His absence at the dinner table seemed a normal part of our routine. But not having him in our home felt impossible to reconcile. His siblings adored him and so did we. How was I going to let my firstborn go?
Every mom comes to this point in her relationship with her emerging adult. It is time to release them. This is God’s plan and a normal process of parenting. We knew this day was coming. Instead of dreading it, we partner with God to release our emerging adult children.
God in His sovereign goodness does not abandon us. He is our source of help and strength in this unfamiliar phase of motherhood. As we lean into His strength, He infuses us with the ability to relinquish control and watch our baby soar.
You are not left alone. You are not forgotten.
As we honor these truths, we are able to surrender:
Letting go fosters independence: The goal of parenting is to get our children to adulthood equipped to be on their own, to build a life separate from us. We’ve all heard of children who fail to launch, and it is largely the result of parents who did not encourage them to do so. Codependency and enabling are often part of the relational dynamic.
Permission is the first step that strengthens and fosters independence. Your child needs to know you believe in them. They may falter and fail, but they will learn as they go. We support them and encourage them to make decisions that they are responsible for. Our firm grasp will not produce the growth they need. “By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” - Peter 1:3 NLT
Living surrender is a requirement for those who know Christ. As followers of Christ, we are required to relinquish our desires for the greater good of Christ. The natural progression is to part with our children. We are charged to care for them when they are children, but once they reach adulthood we surrender them to God’s plan, His dreams and desires for their lives.
We set aside our wishes so they can live out God’s good plan for them. A tender heart towards God allows us to relinquish control of our grown children. “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 NLT.
God is worthy of our trust. We are able to abandon our need for control because we serve a faithful God. We do not release our emerging children to an empty void. We set them before our strong Father. When we remember His great care in the past, we can look forward to its continuation. We gain confidence as we partner with God. We commit our children to our most competent King.
We rely on Him by way of the loving union we cultivate through relationship with God. We commit to prayer when we feel unsteady, we walk by faith when the road seems hard, and we bring our needs before the One who has all authority. “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.” Psalm 9:10 NLT
Healthy Boundaries are in place: This is a fresh season of understanding what personal responsibility looks like for our emerging adult. Boundaries help both know who is responsible for what and when.
These limits are set out through mutual agreement. We simply talk about what they are responsible for and what you are responsible for. This is the opportunity to hand all responsibility to your young adult then let reality be the teacher. No more rescuing, or fixing. “Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.” Proverbs 19:19 NLT
It’s normal to be fearful of this phase of motherhood. Letting go requires trust, faith, and self-control, but when we partner with God in the process, and have honest conversations with our emerging adults, we can feel confident we will both survive the process.
Would you like a little help with communication with your young adult? I have a free guide, 10 Things Moms Say That Frustrate Their Adult Children (and 5 Ways to Stop Yourself From Saying Them). Leave your name and email so I know where to send it.
