Dealing with Parental Estrangement: a Guide for Moms

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Dealing with Parental Estrangement: a Guide for Moms

“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”- Romans 12:18

Two Broken Hearts

Parental estrangement is on the rise and it devastates families. Communication breaks down and it’s easier for the child to slip away. Mom is left heartbroken with no understanding of why the child has cut her out. Two people who once loved each other are now separated. It doesn’t have to be this way.

There are steps a mom can take to improve her relationship with her estranged child and care for herself at the same time. This will require humility, compassion, empathy, and reliance on God. Please note, if the child is toxic or abusive, mom needs strong boundaries.

Both mom and her child are hurting deeply or the estrangement wouldn’t have happened. It would be easy for mom to nurse her wounds, but reconciliation requires her to step into her child’s world and understand her offspring’s perspective. Simultaneously, mom must be diligent to care for herself. There needs to be a delicate balance of compassion for her child and herself. 


God’s Perspective on Estrangement

What is God’s perspective on estrangement? I imagine it breaks His heart. God created us for a relationship with Him, first, then it trickles to our family and friends. Unfortunately, God understands our tendency towards selfishness, disagreement, and willfulness. 

In conflict, we want there to be a right and a wrong party, but both mother and adult child suffer when a relationship is severed. Paul writes to the church in Roman with the understanding that relationships are difficult. He admonishes the Believers in Romans 12:18, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

I’m Done with You!

Jessica struggled with her daughter Lisa for years. Tensions ran high daily. There were endless misunderstandings and miscommunications. They clashed on everything from clothing styles, grades, and her friends. Lisa felt she never pleased her mom. She felt picked on and had a deep sense of resentment.

Jessica pushed hard with extreme discipline, and Lisa pulled farther away. There was no pleasing her mother. When high school rolled around, Lisa just stayed away more. This infuriated her mom. 

College came and Lisa was thrilled to live hours away from her mother’s control. She loved the freedom and didn’t miss the hassle. She felt liberated. Every time her mom called or texted, she ignored her phone. Lisa relished the freedom and the opportunity to believe what she wanted without her mother’s influence over her anymore. 

One day she texted her mom, “Please don’t reach out to me anymore. I’m done with you. Respect my wishes.” Jessica was understandably devastated. The following weeks Jessica felt hopeless, heart sick, and exhausted. “How could this have happened to me?” She wondered. 


What is Parental Estrangement?

Parental estrangement is one of the most devastating issues for moms to face in recent years. Thousands of families are left heartbroken and bewildered. Today I’ll attempt to give a broad overview of a complex topic. 

First off, let’s define parental estrangement.  According to Wikipedia, “It is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical and/or emotional distancing often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals for a prolonged period.”

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

Runaway Thoughts

As I loaded the dishwasher, worry clung to me like a staticky silk skirt. Soon Rebekah would drive seven hours from Evangel University, in Springfield, Missouri, to our home in Iowa. “Was it even a good idea for a single young woman to travel across the country alone?”, I wondered. My imagination ran wild as I envisioned car trouble, or worse, an attack at a gas station, or a horrific car accident. I’d be so far away, it would take forever for me to get to her. 

Anxiety mounted in my chest. Every scenario I played out in my mind had a deadly ending. I shook my head back to the present, astonished how far I had let my imagination wander. Shame enveloped me. It was ridiculous and so unbecoming of the woman of God I was. Why did I have such a small view of God in those moments? Why had I let worry run free in my mind?  

Worry and Fear

We get lost in worry for the future, don’t we momma? Peace is swept away as anxiety grows in our hearts and minds. What’s a momma to do?

There are two things that keep us from the present with our adult children: worry and fear. Oh, how easy it is for moms to jump ahead and fear the unknown future. These negative forces take root in our thoughts as we predict events that haven’t even happened. We’re consumed with “what ifs.” We are robbed of our peace and joy. 

Julie LeFebure, author of, Right Now Matters, said, “The future becomes a distraction when we allow fear and worry to fill it.” Do we realize our worry is a distraction? The enemy designed it so it would make us take our eyes off God. We get focused in unseen places and we completely miss God.  

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Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children

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Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! - Romans 12:16 NLT

Kids Return to the Nest

”They’re here!” hubby said, as we ran out on the porch, undeterred by the blustery December winds. Bekah and Ryan jumped out of the car and grabbed their frisky puppy, Bea. Bob helped them haul in their luggage while we exchanged hugs on the porch. “Hey Beautiful Girl," I whispered, “It’s so good to have you home.”  Exhausted after their seven hour drive from Missouri, we plopped down on the living room couch to relax. 

Grandsons, Teddy and Gus arrived bright eyed and ready to go with mom and dad in tow. Had they grown another inch? I wondered. Moriah swept in with her cat, Desmond, and the mischief level in the house rose exponentially.  Caleb and Ashia were the last to arrive from Minnesota. We wrapped them in warm hugs.  Forrest and Keziah had a short three hour drive. They schlepped baskets of laundry and bright smiles.

I soaked in the goodness as I surveyed the room. Our kids were all home together, and it was the sweetest feeling: a mixture of nostalgia and pride. They’re all grown. Our work is done and now we connect as friends and peers. Sometimes I’m shocked we’re at this stage already. Wild, busy children gave way to real adults. The transformation is stunning.

“When are you going to buy a sectional mom?” Moriah quips! Every single time the kids come home that’s what they ask.  Sheesh! Yes, our living room is a little cozy for 13 people, but I don’t even care. “Get over it,” I winked, secretly hoping we can get a sectional one day. 

A Stress Free Holiday

How do we manage a household of adult kids who have differing views and perspectives? How do we handle difficult conversations with grace and truly enjoy our time together? How do we make room for apologies and tenderness when tensions rise? How do we handle schedules and meal prep so mom isn’t exhausted?

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

 “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.” - 1 Timothy 6:6


Longing for Christmas Past

Angela riffled through the familiar Christmas boxes, as she quietly set up the tree. Memories of Christmases past swirled through her mind. Christmas morning arrived with bleary eyed kids awake early, while gooey cinnamon rolls baked in the oven. The smell of cinnamon and a fresh brewed pot of coffee wafted through the home. The three eager kids were lined up on the couch, in their matching Christmas jammies, waiting for them to doll out their presents. “Which one did Santa bring?” the youngest exclaimed as Angela and her hubby shared a knowing glance.

Hours were spent on the floor playing with their new toys, while discarded Christmas wrapping and bows floated around the room. Lego sets were carefully organized at the table as little boys built their new creations. They could barely pull the kids away from their new treasures to enjoy a little Christmas breakfast. 

“I wonder what Christmas will be like this year?” Angela thought. I wish we could go back to those simple days when all the kids were at home. We had them all to ourselves. It was so easy. We didn’t have to share with in-laws. I wish we could just keep it all the same forever. I feel sad that those days are gone.  


A Season to Adapt

We long to cling to the good ole days when our kids were young and we knew exactly what to expect. It was easier. We weren’t required to adapt. We wouldn’t be disappointed. We understand this tension of longing for the past but realize we must adapt for the good of the whole.

 This is a new season with our adult children and holding on to old expectations is the surest way to ruin the holiday season for our whole family. We have a gracious God who willingly supports us as we learn new ways.

Let's define expectations so we’re all on the same page.  According to Collins Dictionary, a person's expectations are strong beliefs they have about the proper way someone should behave or something should happen.

For moms, a lot of expectations center around how we believe the holidays should look for our families. When our kids don’t meet those expectations it causes tension.Disappointment bubbles up, resentment brews.

Do you have expectations of what the holiday season should look like? Are you crushed when your expectations aren’t met by your grown kids? What if there were a better way for us to enjoy the holiday season with our growing families?

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

The Invitation to Pray

Have you ever had a directive straight from heaven? I heard the Spirit whisper clearly one day, “If you don’t pray for your adult children, who will?”

The impact of that question rattled around in my heart and head. Aside from their grandma, who was praying for our adult children? Besides their dad and I, who was interceding on their behalf? Maybe someone from church? Maybe their pastor? Maybe a few friends or their in-laws? The list seemed quite short in my estimation.

The significance of my “yes” to pray seemed magnified. “Challenge accepted, Holy Spirit!” I whispered.

We often feel unsettled when kids grow up and leave. We see them less often, and we have diminished impact over their choices. They have free will. They get to make their own path. This is God’s will for humanity. God wants our kids to choose Him but He will not force His hand. Instead He lovingly calls them to His heart.

We need to remember we still have influence through our prayers.

It’s a privilege to pray for our adult kids as they navigate relationships, health trials, young marriage, career choices, parenting “littles”, cultural wars, and what they believe about God.

Prayer is one thing we can do for our adult children. It’s an honor and privilege to intercede on their behalf. Prayer is the tool we use to surrender our wishes, and hold fast to the promises of God. Momma, you know how we are as moms. We think we know best and when life with our child doesn’t go how we think it should, we get a little upset. We question God’s goodness, we doubt His presence, and we feel abandoned. 

Prayer is the tool we use to reorient our hearts to God.

Stormie Omartian said it best in her book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children, “Prayer is not telling God what to do. Prayer is partnering with God to see that His will is done.”

More than anything I want God’s will done in my children’s lives. Even the ones who doubt He is real or feel hurt by the church. My continual prayer is they would have a fresh revelation of His great love for them.

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NL

Connecting with God


The sun bursts forth as my hubby and I head out for our early morning prayer walk. There’s something powerful about talking to God about our adult kids. Our five offspring are all out of college, four are married, and they are all pursuing careers they enjoy, and yet they all have struggles. Just like any family, ours deals with financial stressors, physical pain, sickness, mental health, relational strife, cultural wars, parenting issues, and managing adulthood well. This is all part of being human. Our kids will always have stressors, but we must respond with faith.

Moms have two options: worry relentlessly about our kids, or pray for them, releasing it all to God, allowing Him to have His way in their lives. As we stroll each morning, we lift our kids to God. He certainly knows what they need more than we. Each prayer is an act of surrender and a way to restore peace to us. Most of the stressors belong to our adult kids. They need to figure them out. We are here to love and support as they navigate adulthood with their own resources. 

My husband and I know that apart from God we are nothing. With God all things are possible. What a privilege to rely on Him as we release our adult kids to His capable hands. Blessed assurance rises in our souls as we pray.

How about you? 

Have you leaned into your relationship with God even more now that you’ve gently released your child into adulthood?  I often hear moms say, “I need God now more than ever before. It was so much easier when my kids were young.”

We want to cling, hold fast to old routines and familiar patterns and all the while God says, “Let them go and cling to Me. Everything you need, I have provided. I’m here. I’m for you. Move a little closer and let me show you I’m trustworthy.”

God waits for the weary, worried mom’s arrival. He’s ready to assist her as she pours out her anguish and fears and then remembers who He is to her.

Jesus uses the teaching from the vineyard to show us what it means to have a living breathing relationship with God, where we cultivate our union and bear fruit because of our connection with God.  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NLT

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Do's & Don'ts of Launching Your Child

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Do's & Don'ts of Launching Your Child

“May God give you more and more mercy, peace, and love.”-Jude 1:2 NLT

Move in Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I had made this transition five times, it never got easier for me. 

Transitions

When we launch our children to college, the military, or a job in a new city, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as moms. It’s a mixed bag of jubilation and sorrow, excitement, and dread. We know what we must face once we return home to an empty bedroom.

We will miss their adorable faces and everyday interactions. We will long for the pile of dirty dishes in their rooms, and the friends they brought home. We’ll miss their voice and plopping down on their beds to chat. They’re absence changes the family dynamic, and that’s an adjustment too.  

Many questions fill our thoughts: Will they make friends?  Will they be lonely or homesick? Will they be responsible? Will they continue to love God? Will they be safe?

This is the season where we let go of our kids and cling to God. 

We understand the assignment.

We recognize everything has changed, but we are not left alone to figure it out. 

God lavishes mercy, peace, and love on us. He’s tender with us. He understands our heartache and He equips us to do things differently. As we are infused with love and peace, we are able to relate to our emerging adults in a fresh way.

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My Midlife Battle Cry

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My Midlife Battle Cry

Have you ever received a surprise via email?

I opened my email and started reading about his gorgeous green book called, Midlife Battle Cry: Redefining the Mighty Second Half, by Dawn Barton. The email mentioned my niche to midlife women and asked if I’d be interested in a free copy. Well, my ears perked up and I said, “Yes, I’d love a free copy of this book.”  All I had to do, in return, was write a blog for “my people” and share it on social media. Easy Peasy. The book arrived a few days later.
That evening, I crawled into the hot bubble bath and opened the introduction. I was hooked, even though she jokingly said, “No one reads the introduction.” I always read the introduction because this is where the writer tells us what we get from reading said book.  

She talked about the shock of reaching the “fiddy” milestone birthday and all the expectations we carry along with a bag of regrets. We wonder what’s next and if we’re all a little washed up in midlife.She proposes the second half is the best and half and I have to agree. 


More About the Book

 From the back cover:  “In Midlife Battle Cry, hilarious bestselling author Dawn Barton blends stories, insights and –yes some sass—to inspire you to 

  • embrace who you are physically, spiritually, and emotionally;

  • make your midlife a pivot point into a bold and powerful season; 

  • share your experience and wisdom; and 

  • accept that sometimes adding arch support to your favorite shoes is the way to go.”

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” - Romans 13:10

Oh how we enjoy family time together! 

Our robust family of thirteen is spread across Missouri, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. We gather together two-three times each year. When they were young, I never imagined the physical distance between us. It’s hard for all of us. The kids are constantly bickering about which state is the best to live in and why don’t we all join them there. 

Our adult kids traveled hundreds of miles and descended on our home weary and stiff, but happy to be there, for the long July 4th weekend. Hugs were shared as each family trudged up the front steps with suitcases and a few pets. 

Our normal, tidy home for two, was bustling with chaos and activity. The diabetic cat and the hyper Goldendoodle weren’t too fond of each other. We were vigilant to keep them apart. The coffee pot never stopped humming, and we went through an insane amount of Coke. Each family was in charge of a meal, from grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup. The bathrooms were busy, as the washing machine spun the dirty towels.

My Family Is Just Like Yours

We’re like any normal family. We have different values and beliefs. We say or do things that are insensitive. We get miffed with each other. We have our share of struggles, including mental health, financial, job transitions, friendship despair, philosophical, and religious differences, but we have purposed in our hearts to create a home where our grown kids are loved and welcomed, just as they are. We endeavor to apologize when necessary and listen well.

In her book Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth says this: “Your job is to create a haven relationship, one where your adult kids long to be near you because of how they feel in your presence.” It’s the heartbeat of what we’ve created with our grown children. We want to be a safe space for them. We want them to enjoy being with us. We want to love them as Christ loves us. 

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The Best Ways to Easily Stay Present with Your Senior

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The Best Ways to Easily Stay Present with Your Senior

“There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6

I watched Rebekah gracefully cross the stage to accept her certificate, confident and composed, as my mind flashed to her four-year-old-self. I saw her in her purple sequined tutu and her first pair of tap shoes, blissfully on stage at her first dance recital. Her wavy hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, with a purple feather hat tipped to the side. She grinned from ear to ear as the music faded up. Her brown eyes sparkled as she danced.

I remembered the challenging middle school years where girls hurled insults and hurt her tender heart. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a movie, it was a shocking reality for my young teen. She navigated rejection and learned important lessons about friendship.

High school brought endless leadership opportunities and growth. And here we were at the end, as our calendar was filled with events.The final Choir Concert, Spring Musical, National Honor Society Banquet, Prom, Student Council Banquet, Speech Banquet. She blissfully walked through each event while I thought my heart would break in two. How can a mom experience such joy and sadness in the same moments?

My thoughts raced ahead. In three short months, we’d be dropping her off at a college 431 miles away from us. What were we thinking? Will she find good friends? Will she feel homesick and want to come home? What am I going to do without my daughter? No more coffee dates, Target runs, or show tunes blaring from the bathroom. Anxiety and fear welled up inside of me. I dreaded thinking about the fall, and the deep loss I would experience. 

It was time to give myself a little pep talk. “Focus on today,” I told myself. “She hasn’t left yet. Enjoy your summer together.”

Momma, how about you? Are you moving too fast and already grieving when your child leaves in the fall? What if there is a way to stay present with our children and soak up all the goodness, today? Right here. Right now.

It’s a normal response to feel sad, when we think about the future apart from our grownup child. What if instead of projecting into the unknown future, we stayed active and present with our seniors while they were still home?  

Imagine my shock, as a friend was telling me about this passage in the Message version. A certain phrase stood out and I know it will mean a lot to you too. “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6.  Momma, God is saying there’s a right time to hold and another to let go. Isn’t that the best news? It’s not time to let go, YET! God invites you to hold on for a little while longer and savor the moments with your emerging adult. Isn’t that the sweetest permission?

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Surprisingly Helpful Tips When Your Baby Graduates High School

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Surprisingly Helpful Tips When Your Baby Graduates High School


“There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you,  across the skies in majestic splendor.- Deuteronomy 33:26 

Welcome to the month of May when you have a senior. It’s a little part grief, overwhelm, and annoyance. Hang in there, momma. We are going to get you through. Let me tell you about our first born’s graduation party.

That Didn’t Go As I Expected

We spent the day preparing for our first born, Keenan’s high school graduation. I was a stressed out momma, wanting everything to be perfect. The white tent was set up in the backyard, the food was prepped, and the decorations looked lovely. I drew a bubble bath, to relax after a busy day, when I heard a piercing scream. 

Baby sister, Keziah was at the back door holding her dangling arm. Our kindergartener had spent the day happily jumping from a bench to the clothes line pole while we scurried about prepping for the grad party. On the last jump, she missed the pole and landed on the ground, her arm mangled from the impact. We knew immediately it was serious and rushed off to the ER. 

Our small town ER sent us eighty miles away to a larger hospital so she could have the compound fracture surgically repaired. I sat shocked and dismayed as I waited for her to get through surgery. How is this even happening, I thought, eyes lifted to heaven? I wondered why we had to face this difficult situation in the middle of an already stressful season. I was miffed at God. Where were those angels of protection when we needed them?

We returned home at 5am and tucked our sweet girl into bed. Exhausted and stressed from our baby's injury, we now had the reality of hosting a graduation party in a few hours. I was already exhausted, and now I had lost a whole night's sleep. Goodness. It was too much to bear! 

The party went off perfectly, and our sweet little kindergartener was lavished on by our guests. She was a real trouper considering all she had been through. Our senior enjoyed the party then set out with his friends afterwards. It was a beautiful day in every way. The day before wasn’t anything like we expected but we learned a few lessons from it. 

How about you, momma?  How are you handling the stress with your high school senior?

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The Heart of Faithfully Trusting Your Powerful God

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The Heart of Faithfully Trusting Your Powerful God

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord." Jeremiah 17:7

I’m on the highway again, heading the hour drive to the Twin Cities so I can be with my young husband for another week's stay at the Multiple Sclerosis Center at Fairview Riverside Hospital. There he’ll be pumped full of steroids to tame the inflammation that attacks his nerves, leaving him with a new tremor, spasm, or disability. MS is a beast that will not be tamed.The disease has upended our family in profound ways.

A 90’s song plays on Christian radio. The lyrics go like this: “Life is hard, but God is good.” Tears stream down my cheeks for an hour. I’m by myself, as the three little kids are cared for, so I’m free to let the tears flow. I need to be near my husband. Holy Spirit whispers so gently, as He has everyday since this disease invaded our home, “Do you trust Me?” Through stifled sobs and bitter weeping, I whisper, “Yes, Papa, I do.” 

Those years of struggle were fertile ground where God planted my roots deep in Him. He taught me to trust when my world was completely falling apart. When things only got worse and the doctor recommended my husband be placed in a nursing home, it was preparation for every trial I would face in the future. 

It prepared me for when some of my children rejected God. It enabled me to trust Him no matter what I experienced. It helped me let go of outcomes and trust Papa’s good work on hearts.

I was rewarded for trusting God. He gave me peace, identity, and set me free from fear because I was already living my greatest fear. 

We bristle sometimes when we’re asked to trust God. 

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

 “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a NLT

Tossing and Turning

Julia kicked the covers off, rolled over, and stared at the clock again as frustration grew in her heart. Angrily she thought “Why can’t I sleep???” The orange glow of the digital clock blared 2:30 am back at her as she scuffed because she had tossed and turned for an hour. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. 

She spent an hour thinking about her youngest daughter at college. Fear and worry tumbled through her mind. “What if she gets with the wrong kind of friends? She seems so lonely. What if she dates the wrong guy? What if she makes the wrong choice? Why doesn’t she love God anymore? Where did I go wrong? What if she’s attacked at a party? What if she’s drugged and raped? Goodness that escalated quickly!” she thought. 

Spiraling, she knew she needed to stop. Breathing deep, she whispered, “God, please help me. Give me faith to trust You. Give the ability to understand You are with me and You are my help. Remind me of Your faithfulness. How easily I forget.”

Have you struggled to lean into God’s faithfulness when it comes to your adult child? 

This is often difficult for moms because we’ve always managed their problems. We were the fixers, problem solvers, and rescuers. How do we let go and entrust our children and their problems to our faithful God?

What does it mean when we describe God as faithful?

What do we need to know about the faithfulness of God? 

According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of God's ethical nature. It denotes the firmness or constancy of God in His relations with men, especially with His people. It is, accordingly, one aspect of God's truth and of His unchangeableness. God is true not only because He is really God in contrast to all that is not God, and because He realizes the idea of Godhead, but also because He is constant or faithful in keeping His promises, and therefore is worthy of trust” 

The Bible reverberates with the faithfulness of God. Each story and chapter is laced with examples of His dependability to His children. Even when God’s family disobeyed and rebelled, He was consistently trustworthy. 

Here is a moment where Moses met with God on the mountain. God spoke through a cloud.  The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a

God spoke directly to Moses and what a message it was. He said he was slow to anger, filled with unfailing love, and faithfulness. If God is telling us this Himself, can we not trust Him when He speaks? How can we doubt what He says about Himself? This is proof of His faithfulness, We can settle our hearts on this revelation and rest in peace. 

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How to Hold onto Hope When Your Child Rejects God

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How to Hold onto Hope When Your Child Rejects God

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” - Romans 15:13 NLT

Lost Hope

As Julie sat in her comfy chair, tears streaming down her face, she felt the weight of her daughter's words crushing her heart. She could feel the pain of her daughter's rejection of God, like a sharp knife slicing through her very being. She could hear the echo of her daughter's whisper, "Mom, I don't believe in God anymore," replaying in her mind, over and over again, taunting her with the fear that her daughter was lost forever.

She knew her daughter's struggle with faith was not uncommon, but it felt like a personal defeat, a failure as a mother. She tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape her chest, but they escaped anyway, wracking her body with every gasping breath.

Julie's heart was heavy with the weight of her daughter's rejection, but she knew that she had to keep fighting for her. She had to keep praying, keep loving, and keep hoping that her daughter would one day come back to the faith that she had known and loved. With each tear that fell, Julie whispered a prayer, pleading for God's help and guidance in this time of darkness.

What do we do when our child rejects God? 

We feel ashamed, betrayed, and hopeless. Our hearts are ripped in pieces.

Yet, surely God knows.

He understands.

He sees us.

He’s moved with compassion when we are distressed.

How can we hold on to hope when our child rejects God?

Fortunately, God is an expert hope infuser. Hope is His specialty. He ladles it out in abundance to hungry hearts who are willing to trust Him. He lavishes it upon His children. Instead of wallowing in doubt, we are invited to connect with the God of hope as He infuses us with His strength.

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How Gratitude Helps You Release Expectations

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How Gratitude Helps You Release Expectations

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” - 1 Chronicles 16:34

Holiday Blues

I have felt the sting of sadness when plans don’t quite go the way I imagined. I long for the days when all my kids were around my holiday table.

I long to cling to the traditions I built when my children were young.

I loved how the kids fussed over setting the table. We’re an artistic bunch, and they worked hard to make it pretty.

Now that my children are grown, it’s not always possible to be together every holiday. I have to share them with their spouses' families. They all live far from me and the distance can be a hindrance to us gathering. As much as I want holidays to remain the same, it’s no longer possible.

In the early years with my adult children this left me heartbroken and sometimes bitter.

Moms, we know we need to adapt, but we struggle with change. We wrestle with traditions being set aside now that our children are grown. In the quiet, when we’re honest, we really want things to go our way. We wrestle with selfishness.

What if there is a way for moms to release holiday expectations?

Could gratitude hold the key?

While expectations rumble with selfishness and demands, gratitude keeps our hearts open to the goodness of God and the needs of our family members.

While we want to hold tight to our old ways and traditions, gratitude helps us see new possibilities and gives us a fresh perspective.

Where expectations squeeze and take, gratitude releases and gives.

The antidote to expectations is gratitude. As we shift our heart to give thanks, we invite God near. His nearness transforms us.

Where bitterness reigned, softness was invited to dwell.

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” - Psalm 9:1

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How to Release Holiday Expectations

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How to Release Holiday Expectations

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16


Holiday Tension

As the calendar flips to November, my thoughts turn to holiday plans and the air is ripe with tension as I wonder if and when I’ll be reunited with my grown kids.

Momma, do you feel the tension too?

I have precious memories and traditions and I can’t bear the thought of them not continuing. My heart is full of expectations on how the holidays will look, but I know that my refusal to budge causes irreparable harm to my family.

I long for the days when the kids were near. There was no doubt we’d be together around the table at every holiday dinner. My grown kids are all returning home to celebrate their dad’s birthday mid-November, so that means I won’t see them all for Thanksgiving. Instead of them all coming home, we’ll gather at our oldest son’s home in Minnesota, along with some of his siblings. I must adapt. I need to have a good attitude about it.

There are plenty of reasons why your holidays could look different. Your child might want to spend time with their significant other. Perhaps work doesn’t allow them to return home. Maybe they’re tired of the endless holiday shuffle from home to home with cranky grandkids. Could it be that they need to be with their in-laws this time around? What if they just want to have a simple Christmas at home?

Moms are required to lean in and find strength in God as we release expectations for the good of the whole. Instead of causing strife in our families, by demanding our grown kids celebrate the holidays a certain way, let us choose the way of least resistance, as we learn to let go.

  • Could we lean in and find strength from God as we realize the holidays will look different now that our offspring are grown?

  • Would could it look like if we laid down our demands and chose the way of peace?

  • What if moms laid their expectations at the feet of Jesus and processed the loss with Him?

  • How would a mom filled with gratitude communicate graciously with her adult children?

  • What if guilt was replaced with compassion?

  • What if pressure was exchanged for peace?

  • Could the art of compromise be practiced so everyone feels like their voice is heard?

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Four Reasons Why You Can Trust God

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Four Reasons Why You Can Trust God

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” - Psalm 9:10

When It’s Hard to Trust

At times, I allow my concerns for my grown children too much time in my head. I rehearse their struggles. I lament about where they’re at with God. I want to fix and rescue them because that’s what I did when they were young. I make God small, as I magnify their problems.

We find ourselves in this dark place of fear and doubt, don’t we, mommas? We’re perplexed and overwhelmed with our children’s difficult circumstances. We wonder why they walked away from Him. We fear for their future. We doubt their ability to make wise decisions. We question God’s ways.

We have two options in this season of motherhood: We can spend our days obsessed with our offspring’s struggles, worried, our lives devoid of peace, or we can experience the calm that comes from trusting God.

It’s normal to worry about our loved ones, but it becomes sin when we don’t turn it over to God. When we struggle with a lack of trust, it’s helpful to ask ourselves why do we struggle to trust God? What is it about His character that is lacking? Why do we want things to go the way we think they should? Why do we feel this need to control outcomes?

What The Bible Says About Trust

A short jaunt through the scriptures and we find endless reasons why God is trustworthy. Here are a few:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” - Psalm 37:4-5

“Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.” - Psalm 33:20-22

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” - Isaiah 26:3-4

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” - Isaiah 12:2

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” - Psalm 9:10

“When I am afraid,I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” - Psalm 56:3-4

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” - Jeremiah 17:7-8

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How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

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How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

My Quiet House

My usual bustling house was eerily quiet. Four of our kids were out of the nest, with one left to finish three more years of high school. I looked forward to time with the baby, but she was pretty busy with school activities and work. I’d hug her in between events, but she was independent. I admired her strength. A heaviness hung over me as my mind flashed through my usual routine.

Motherhood is all I knew. I spent nearly three decades focused on my five kids. There were endless appointments, sporting events, musical concerts, homework, sibling rivalry, laundry, grocery shopping, counseling, training, loving, laughter, and tears. My days jumbled together in a monotonous repeat of tasks, but I saw motherhood as a high calling and a gift.

We dropped the fourth child at college recently and questions tumbled through my thoughts:

Who am I apart from being a mom?

What do I want to do with this life now that my kids are grown?

What dreams had I set aside to raise them?

My children were my focus and now they are gone. My active mothering would end. How could I conquer this phase of motherhood, the one that was more hands off, less child focused?

We will all face this chasm. This shift between what we always did, and the future apart from our grown kids. We have dropped a child at college and life looks different. It doesn’t matter if it’s our first or our last; everything changes.

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4 Ways To Conquer Your Fear Of Releasing Your Emerging Adult

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4 Ways To Conquer Your Fear Of Releasing Your Emerging Adult

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.”- Psalm 9:10 NLT

The End of An Era

Keenan stood at the podium at his high school graduation, on a steamy June evening, as he offered a short speech. His 6’5” frame was draped in a red graduation gown and mortarboard hat. Years on the stage made him a confident speaker. He was calm and articulate; his hazel eyes bright with anticipation for the future.

He wasn’t driven by achievement or accolades. He loved ideas and meaningful connection. He devoured books and ideas like candy. He was a wise old soul for a young man.

He was leaving our rural Minnesota hamlet to attend a college in downtown Minneapolis. What a jump it would be and he was bursting to get out of small town life. There was little to do except hang out with friends at the local coffee shop or drive around. He was ready for richer experiences.

His junior and senior year were spent mostly away from us because of work and student activities. His absence at the dinner table seemed a normal part of our routine. But not having him in our home felt impossible to reconcile. His siblings adored him and so did we. How was I going to let my firstborn go?

Every mom comes to this point in her relationship with her emerging adult. It is time to release them. This is God’s plan and a normal process of parenting. We knew this day was coming. Instead of dreading it, we partner with God to release our emerging adult children.

God in His sovereign goodness does not abandon us. He is our source of help and strength in this unfamiliar phase of motherhood. As we lean into His strength, He infuses us with the ability to relinquish control and watch our baby soar.

You are not left alone. You are not forgotten.

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