8 Awesome Bible Verses To Study About Communication

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” -Colossians 4:6

Hard Conversations

Amanda leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, as she faced her young adult daughter, Rachel.  Rachel’s eyes were downcast, fearing the conversation. “I know this isn’t going to go well, she thought, “but here we go again.”

“Mom, I just don't want to go to college!” Rachel pleaded. “It’s a stupid waste of money. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. Why do I have to go? Can’t I just kick back for a year and see what happens?”

Amanda braced herself for the exchange as she felt the tension in her upper back. “Why in the world would you take a year off? That’s just stupid. You think you can just slide into adulthood? It doesn’t work like that.  Around here, we do the work. You should definitely register for classes at the university. You’ll be fine.”

The tension hung in the air as Rachel slipped away, defeated and wondered, “When will she ever stop making suggestions and listen to what I have to say?”

Is this type of conversation familiar in your home?

I didn’t mean to give unsolicited advice, yet suggestions quickly rolled off my tongue, and I saw the ache behind my adult child’s eyes when I offered advice. 

In an effort to protect our kids, or show them the path ahead could be harmful, we overstep. We talk too much. We say things like, “You should…” or  “Why don’t you…”  We magnify the situation, resulting in conflict. 

We say they are being rebellious or disagreeable, but if we are honest, we are irritated that they will not do what we want. Our adult kids are no longer children and they are not required to obey us (Ephesians 6:1). This is a hard shift for moms to understand.

Gracious Speech

No mom intentionally sets out to frustrate her adult children, but in our carelessness we often cause harm.  

Gaining a fresh perspective from God’s Word is what we need. It’s helpful to remember God cares about how we speak. 

In any conversation with our grown kids, ask this question: Is this necessary and will God be glorified in my speech? There are several verses we can read and pray over as a way to remind ourselves to pepper our speech with grace. 

*Proverbs 11:9 “Evil words destroy one’s friends; wise discernment rescues the godly.”

*Proverbs 15:14 “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

*Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”

*Proverbs 12:18 “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

*James 1:26 “If you claim to be religious but can’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself and your religion is worthless.”

*Titus 3:2 “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy of all people.”

*Matthew 12:36 “But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an account on the day of judgment.”

*Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” 

Communication with your grown kids feels complicated. You may fear saying too much, and causing rifts. Other times it feels like you are navigating a minefield, fearing the next thing you say will set off your adult child. 

Sometimes you overstep boundaries, giving advice, suggestions, or speak critically of your child’s actions.  This causes tension in your relationship. Your connection is broken and both parties feel deflated.

We can do better as we partner with God and appreciate our Maker who cares about our speech.. We see God desires us to use a gentle tone, and gracious speech when we talk to our grown kids. As we meditate on these verses, they will change our heart. We will realize our  grown children deserve better. They long for respect, honor, and acceptance when we talk. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, Help me remember You care about my speech. You have set guidelines for my speech in your Word. Help me renew my mind and be careful with the words I choose with my adult child. I want to honor You and them with the way I speak. Give me strength to speak with wisdom and restraint.  Amen.

Still struggling?  Maybe this will help.

I’ve created a free guide, “10 Things Moms Say That Frustrate Their Adult Children (And 5 Ways to Stop From Saying Them).” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.