How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

My Quiet House

My usual bustling house was eerily quiet. Four of our kids were out of the nest, with one left to finish three more years of high school. I looked forward to time with the baby, but she was pretty busy with school activities and work. I’d hug her in between events, but she was independent. I admired her strength. A heaviness hung over me as my mind flashed through my usual routine.

Motherhood is all I knew. I spent nearly three decades focused on my five kids. There were endless appointments, sporting events, musical concerts, homework, sibling rivalry, laundry, grocery shopping, counseling, training, loving, laughter, and tears. My days jumbled together in a monotonous repeat of tasks, but I saw motherhood as a high calling and a gift. 

We dropped the fourth child at college recently and questions tumbled through my thoughts:

Who am I apart from being a mom? 

What do I want to do with this life now that my kids are grown? 

What dreams had I set aside to raise them?

My children were my focus and now they are gone. My active mothering would end. How could I conquer this phase of motherhood, the one that was more hands off, less child focused? 

We will all face this chasm. This shift between what we always did, and the future apart from our grown kids. We have dropped a child at college and life looks different. It doesn’t matter if it’s our first or our last; everything changes.

Pamela Henkelman quote

God, in His goodness, leaves us with clues to our identity. We’re not just moms. We are accepted, cherished, loved, filled with unique strengths and gifts apart from our motherhood. He calls us to something new. A brave, fresh place in this world filled with possibilities. Instead of shrinking into despair He beckons us to rise. 

4 Ways To Conquer College Drop Off

*Know your identity in Christ: We got our value from motherhood, but now we need to remember we are esteemed because of Christ in us, not because of what we do. We are loved, accepted, redeemed, chosen, forgiven, and valuable apart from the role of mom. 

Knowing our worth in Christ ushers in peace. We stand before God not because of how we served through motherhood, but because Christ is in us. Christ makes us whole. When we feel small or useless, we remind ourselves Christ makes us enough. “For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.” - Colossians 1:27 NLT

*Talk with a friend. Find a trusted friend who walks through the same experience or has already dropped a child at college. Healing for your grief comes in sharing the heaviness with a friend. Don’t stuff the pain down, or lash out at other family members. You’re not alone. You are not forsaken. 

Most moms will face the day when their child leaves home. She will need an extra dose of courage, and the ability to see past her pain, but for now it’s healthy to process your grief. When we navigate the grief with a friend, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming.Talking to someone brings healing. “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” - Proverbs 27:9 NLT

*Practice acceptance. Moms often get stuck in heartache when they refuse to let go of their child, or their changing role with their child. This longing for our children to stay small is an unhealthy mindset. It will drive our disappointment and lack of contentment, 

When we accept our role will change, and it’s God’s good plan for our child to grow up and flourish apart from us, we will experience peace.

One way to practice acceptance is to find beauty through thanksgiving. Notice the way God is present in little things: the light from the window, the aroma of your flowers, the comfort of your hand in your husbands’. Keeping a list of gratitude strengthens our souls and helps us see God in this transition. “All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.” - Psalm 18:30 NLT

*Focus on your needs: Before you bristle at this suggestion, hear me out. This is a fantastic season to look inside and pay attention to what you need. Is it a rest? Is it strength? Is it to reignite a dormant passion or skill? Do you need a counselor or a coach? Is it time to focus on your marriage instead of the kids? Would renewing your connection with God bring you hope?

It’s neither selfish, or sinful to look inside and ask God to reveal what you need. As He shows you an area of need, then pursue His will with abandon. You never know what beautiful healing and joy God will bring. “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in secret You will make wisdom known to me.” - Psalm 51:6 NASB

To drop a child off at college is an immense milestone in our motherhood. We need to pay attention to what’s happening inside our hearts and minds. Being aware will help us prepare and make the transition smoother.  

God has neither forsaken or abandoned us. He simply bids us to draw near as we learn to view our role with fresh eyes. As we graciously move through the longing, God will meet us with compassion and grace. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I want to conquer this transition well. My child has moved to college but that doesn’t mean life is over for me. There are new fresh prospects for me in this season. Help me to accept this is your will for my life. Help me see your goodness, process my loss, and focus inside for just a little while. Show me Your will and help me know I’m accepted and enough because Jesus lives in me. I’m so much more than a mother. Amen. 

Still struggling?

Here’s a free guide to help you support your adult child best in this season.  Grab, Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child, when you leave your name and email so I know where to send it. 

You can do this momma! I’m cheering you on.