7 Uplifting Prayers Your Heart Needs When Your Adult Child Struggles

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Prayer Matters

Your prayers are impactful.

When your adult child struggles, you feel helpless, as you want to rush in and rescue, but you know that’s not the best way to proceed. Your fixing stunts your adult child’s growth. Instead of rescuing, there’s a better way. Support them through prayer.

Prayer is an act of grace and a defiant “no” to the enemy’s schemes in your grownup child’s life. Instead of being upset, you bow your head and engage with your powerful God.

Prayer changes you, as you lay down your rights and get in tune with God’s work on the earth and in your adult child’s life. You trade your worries and fears for confidence in your Maker. You trust your good God will see your child through each struggle. Growth will come. Hope will rise as you intercede.

Remember, your child will struggle; troubles come to all of us. When it all feels too much for you to bear, turn to these prayers. Sit with God and pour it all out, as you exchange your fears for His lovingkindness and grace.

1. A Prayer of Lament When You Need to Be Honest with God

Scripture: 

“Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;  answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust you. You are my God.” Psalm 86:1-2

  Prayer:

Oh, God, it hurts deeply to see my child struggle. I’m hurting and I’m overcome with worry, but I know I need to run to you. So here I am, pouring it all out. I need your help. My child needs your help. Hear me and answer me because I love you and you love me. I know you are my faithful God. Amen.

2. A  Prayer for Releasing the Need to Fix Your Child

Scripture:

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.” Corinthians 6:12

Prayer: 

Dear God, you know I want to rush in and make everything better for my child. I could, but if I did, it would thwart their growth. So give me strength to understand what my child is responsible for and what I’m responsible for. I do not want to get in the way of their maturing. Amen

3. A Prayer for Relinquishing Control of Outcomes

Scripture:

  “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”- Proverbs 19:21

 Prayer:        

God, you know I struggle with expectations about how my child’s life should go. Help me surrender my plans for your purposes. You, alone, know what’s best for my adult child. I relinquish my desire to impact any outcomes. I know your plans and purposes are best. I accept them wholeheartedly. Amen.

4. A Prayer for When You Need to Accept Your Child’s Troubles

Scripture:

 “But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.”- Job 2:10

Prayer:

Oh, Lord, you know I get this wrong so often. I assume you only give good gifts so when troubles come I’m disappointed in you. That’s the wrong way to view you. Help me understand you allow hardship because you care about my child’s relationship with you, more than their comfort. You are good. You are always good, even when difficulties arrive in my child’s life. Amen.

5. A Prayer for When You Want to Trust God More

Scripture:

“The Lord is my strength and shield.I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”-Psalm 28:7

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I know this season of my life is all about trusting you more. You love my grown kids more than I do, so help me lean into my relationship with you. Reveal your greatness and reassure me as you teach me how to trust you with my grown children. These kids are yours, and I trust you with my whole heart. I know you're working in unseen ways. I bless you for helping me. I praise your great name. Amen.

6. A  Prayer for Finding Strength in God

Scripture:

“O Lord, do not stay far away! You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!”-Psalm 22:19

Prayer:

Lord, I must confess, there are so many times I feel weak when it comes to my adult kids' struggles. I become consumed with worry and I know that’s not how you want me to live. Be my strength and shield. Help me understand apart from you I am weak and fragile. But when I lean on you, I am held, confident and secure. Be the strength of my life and my confidence forever. Amen.

7. A Prayer that Your Child Seeks God

Scripture:

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”-Jeremiah 29:13

Prayer:

Papa, I ask you to draw my hurting child to your heart. Help them seek you with all their might. Help them lean into you through their suffering. Help them experience your love through these difficult days. When they are far from you, draw them closer, as you minister your love. Amen.

You have the privilege of praying when your adult child fails. Your prayers are important. “Because no one has the burden of heart for your adult children that you do, your prayer for them will have a fervency that no one else’s will have.” - Stormie Omartian, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children

No one cares for your child more than you; you have a front row seat to God’s miracles in your child’s life. Keep praying, momma!

Can I pray for you?

Dear God of Tender Mercies, I praise you and thank you for this momma. Thank you for seeing her and hearing her. You are a responsive God. Bless this momma with peace in her heart. Give her unwavering confidence in you, her Mighty God. Pour out your steadfast love and faithfulness upon her as she intercedes for her child. Work all the difficult circumstances together for good. Turn misery into a miracle as this momma waits on you. Amen.

Still struggling? 

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.

How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

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How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

My Quiet House

My usual bustling house was eerily quiet. Four of our kids were out of the nest, with one left to finish three more years of high school. I looked forward to time with the baby, but she was pretty busy with school activities and work. I’d hug her in between events, but she was independent. I admired her strength. A heaviness hung over me as my mind flashed through my usual routine.

Motherhood is all I knew. I spent nearly three decades focused on my five kids. There were endless appointments, sporting events, musical concerts, homework, sibling rivalry, laundry, grocery shopping, counseling, training, loving, laughter, and tears. My days jumbled together in a monotonous repeat of tasks, but I saw motherhood as a high calling and a gift.

We dropped the fourth child at college recently and questions tumbled through my thoughts:

Who am I apart from being a mom?

What do I want to do with this life now that my kids are grown?

What dreams had I set aside to raise them?

My children were my focus and now they are gone. My active mothering would end. How could I conquer this phase of motherhood, the one that was more hands off, less child focused?

We will all face this chasm. This shift between what we always did, and the future apart from our grown kids. We have dropped a child at college and life looks different. It doesn’t matter if it’s our first or our last; everything changes.

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How Sabbath Rest Restores Us Physically and Spiritually

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How Sabbath Rest Restores Us Physically and Spiritually

Welcome my friend, Rachel Fahrenbach to the blog today. Rachel has been on a journey to discover what true rest looks like for her and her family. She just wrote a book about it. Rest and Reflect, a 12 Week Guided Sabbath Journal is the help you didn’t know you needed. The journal takes you through weekly prompts to help you understand your identity and the beauty of Sabbath rest. You guys, rest was God’s idea!!! It’s okay to rest!

WORN OUT
I can’t remember what shoes I was wearing, but I do remember the clutter on the floorboard of the truck at my feet: the plastic bag of items to return to Hobby Lobby, the wrappers from the Lara bars we had eaten quickly on the way to church stacked in a pile to be tossed later, and my purse tossed into the truck with my frustration. They are clear in my memory, as clear as the memory of the clutter of emotions I felt that day.

I had stormed out of our small church angry with every person sitting in the pews and retreated to our truck to wait for my husband to emerge from the congregational meeting. The sun had warmed the passenger seat, but instead of relaxing into that comfort, I continued to sit on edge mulling over the ways I felt overwhelmed, stressed, taken for granted, rejected, and forgotten.

Eventually, the warmth from the sun did it’s trick and I fell asleep. Because the truth was, while I was angry with a decision that had been made by our church’s leadership, I was mostly just tired in more ways than one.

Unfortunately, that moment was just the beginning of a three-year-period in my life where I lived in a constant state of exhaustion, and that exhaustion robbed me of a stabilizing peace and joy. It would be easy to blame my exhaustion on having three kids under 5 (one of which was an adopted newborn), but the truth was that life just got hard from that point on. I was exhausted in every sense of the word. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I was a mess. A tired, worn out, joy-less mess.

SABBATH REST

From time to time, I would get moments to myself. These times of self-care and soul-care helped, but they were always over with too soon and only sustained me for so long. So, when the conversation about Sabbath was brought up during our small group (at a new church we had finally settled into), I was more than ready to have it. I felt the need to stop and rest in my very bones but I didn’t know how to do it. The world seemed to be falling apart in seven days, so how in the world was I going to keep it together with just six? I was barely holding it together as it was, if I stopped even for a moment, I thought that I would become so far behind it would be catastrophic.

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” -Hebrews 13:5

We’ve all felt the longing for more of God, and when the distance between us has widened, it hurts. How is it God is both within us and all around, yet He feels so far off some days? If He never changes and promises His presence with us always then it must be about our proximity and awareness of Him.

About a decade ago, I sat amongst a group of church leaders, dutifully listening to the speaker. The day had gotten long, and I was eager to retreat for the evening. The speaker quoted a prominent national youth leader, and I never forgot the statement.

“If God seems far away, go back to where you left Him.”- Jeannie Mayo

I sat with the statement and mulled it over. It was the first time I truly understood that my connection with God was my responsibility. It wasn’t my church’s, my spouse, or a matter of circumstance. If God seemed far away, I was the one who moved, not Him. All I had to do was simply go back to where I left Him. Does this resonate with you, reader?

Somehow, in the church, we’ve gotten this wrong. We toss God aside as we elevate our service to Him. I’ve noticed most Christian women are content doing things for God instead of being with God. The busyness and service make us justify the distance because we’re doing _________ for God and surely He’s pleased with our service.

Sweet friends, God wants you. He loves you and cherishes being near you. He hopes for life-giving conversations about all the things that matter to you. His love is poured out in the context of relationship and connection. His character is revealed, and His purposes are laid out as you meet with Him. There are things God wants you to know about Him, your life, and your future.

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How to Enrich Your Appreciation of the Bible

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How to Enrich Your Appreciation of the Bible

Teach me your decrees, O Lord; I will keep them to the end.” Psalm 119:33 NLT

As we finish up this series of Five Attributes Needed for A Close Connection With God, we end up having a hunger for God’s Word. Have you ever thought about your relationship with the Bible and the impact it has on your loving union with God?

Early Morning Annoyance

I wake early and plop down in my favorite chair with my cup of morning coffee and messy bed hair, ready for my morning rhythm with God. Immediately I pay attention to my heart, and it feels heavy and worn out. I’m physically exhausted and spiritually bankrupt. I’ve given and given and served till it hurts, and I feel weary.

I reach for the Word that brings typically comfort, but today I’m annoyed. I’ve been reading the Bible for decades. “What new thing could I find”, I scoff in my thoughts. That’s the problem with my personality; as an Enneagram 7, I have an insatiable appetite for the new shiny thing. Anyone else gets easily bored? I hate it, but it’s the way I’m wired, and today I need help. The combination of weariness and boredom can lead me ever searching for excitement. Today I receive a thrill straight from God’s Word. Reading this one chapter changes my view of the Bible forever.

I’m in Psalms, one of my favorite chapters, and I stumble upon Psalm 119. This is no small feat to read as it contains an unusually large amount of verses, 176 to be exact. I slowly start reading, then turn the thin page again and again, and as I read, I feel my heart expand.

Psalm 119 is written by King David, and it is an intimate conversation between him and God about his desire to stay close to God and keep the Word. David cries out to be taught by God and to revere the Word. The Word is called many different things in this psalm: precepts, law, decrees, promises, commands, truth, teaching.

Reading this psalm opens my eyes to the wonder of the Word and all the goodness within. It helps me realize my greatest connection with God will come through His Word. It’s the letter God’s written to us to reveal Himself, as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It’s a source of life and truth, to help me understand God more clearly. My spirit is renewed as my attitude shifts to the glory of God’s Word. I now make it a regular practice to read Psalm 119 because it lights a passion in my soul each time I’m reminded of the power of God’s Word.

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How to Taste God's Goodness

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How to Taste God's Goodness

We are finishing up the final attribute needed for a close connection with God: a hunger for God’s Word. Have you ever thought about your relationship with the Bible and how that impacts your connection with God? We’ll be talking about it all month on the blog. Today day I’ve invited a dear friend, Sarah Butterfield, to share a beautiful piece she wrote about how to taste God’s goodness. You’re going to love this.

How to Taste God’s Goodness

When we moved to France when I was seven, my mom discovered that peanut butter was an American product. She searched high and low in every grocery store, determined to find that quick and easy lunch spread. One day, she came home with a tin can: she had finally found peanut butter in a specialty grocery store, imported from North Africa! She opened it with a can opener and although the stuff inside was hard to spread, it tasted fine.

The French preferred their Nutella, a snack my mom only gave us as a dessert. Our French friends would scrunch their noses in disgust when my mom talked about peanut butter. “You mean a butter? Made from peanuts? Ew!”

One Sunday at a church potluck, my mom made a chocolate cake. For the frosting, she whipped together equal parts Nutella and peanut butter. Our French friends loved it and raved about the frosting. My mom waited until everyone had finished their slice before revealing that there was peanut butter in the recipe!

In high school, I met Liz. She had grown up in Jakarta as a missionary kid, and she was in love with peanut butter. I had never met a bigger fan. She put it on rice, on noodles, on chicken even! Liz was the one who told me to try peanut butter with apple slices. I was skeptical, having only heard of peanut butter on bananas or celery stalks. She cut up a green apple and topped it with a dollop of peanut butter in a bowl for me. An unlikely combination I thought. But, not wanting to offend, I took a bite, and my world was opened wide. The cool, crisp tartness of the apple alongside the smooth, savory peanut butter was a revelation. I became an instant fan. That was the year I also discovered pretzels and peanut butter, so you could say that it was a time of tremendous personal growth.

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2

As we move forward with learning to be vulnerable to God, we must talk about how shame affects our relationship with our Creator. Shame keeps us from connection with God.

My Companion, Shame

I arrive early to high school and hear a commotion in the gym. I quietly open a side door so as to not draw attention and peer inside. The gym is filled with excited students, all standing at different tables with the State signs lifted high. It’s Student Council elections and oh, how I wish I was amidst the crowd of students. I’m organized, competent, and friendly, all the qualities necessary for leadership, but no one knows that about me.

Shame won’t allow me to join. Shame has been my constant companion for many years ever taunting me, crushing my heart, and making me feel small and worthless. She’s like a heavy, itchy coat I need to take off, but she keeps me safe, ever hidden, never exposed. She also hinders my ability to connect or belong.

Shame speaks loudly and harshly, filling my mind with words of condemnation. “You’re not good enough.” “If only they knew.” Shame belittles and lies. But I’m not strong enough to recognize the lies, so I continue to wear the uncomfortable coat.

Shame shapes every interaction I have with people. It makes me afraid to try new things for fear of rejection. Oh, how I resent those who are fearless. See, shame tells me I must pretend as I plaster on the smile and the optimistic outlook. Can they see the sadness behind my eyes? Is my brokenness amplified in their brave confidence? If they knew what was hidden inside, they’d want nothing to do with me.

Shame tells me I’m flawed, there’s no good in me. I imagine these kids in the gym come from beautiful families, where a peaceful conversation is held around the dinner table. They don’t go to sleep listening to the alcoholic step-dad arguing with their mom. If they knew what my home was like, they’d reject me, so instead, I hide.

Meeting Jesus at age twenty-one changes everything. I’m told He bore my sin and shame Himself. He literally took it for me. Jesus bore my shame on the cross, so I can draw near to God. God sees me as beautiful, cherished, lovely because Jesus stands between me and God. Jesus covers the ugliness of my sin and shame. It’s the best news I ever heard.

Brene Brown says, “People who aren’t good with vulnerability are usually really good at shame.”

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

“I stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you as a parched land.”- Psalm 143:6

The place we need to start in order to feel closer to God is our longing. Most of us have buried it deep beneath our overextended schedules and our religious activity. When you have the courage to bring longing out in the presence of God, you will have a beautiful connection.

Empty

I sit in the early morning, coffee in hand, Bible opened, notebook ready to record my thoughts, and I feel empty. Warm tears fall as I pay attention to my soul. I’m weary from serving everyone and everything. I’m a pastor's wife, a mother of five, a volunteer, an employee, a friend, a parent stretched from all the kid’s activities. The weight of ministry demands coupled with the busy family has wrung me out.

I don’t know how to say “ no.” I overestimate my capacity then feel bitter when I have no margin in my days. And where’s God in all this hustling? He seems far away. Our relationship has gone cold. I’ve lost the wonder of sitting at His feet and embracing His heart. I’ve become too busy doing things FOR Him instead of sitting WITH Him. I need to make some changes. Longing is stirring within and I need to pay attention.

When was the last time you felt it-your own longing, that is? Your longing for love, your longing for God, your longing to live your life as it is meant to be lived in God? When was the last time you felt a longing for healing and fundamental change groaning within you?” -Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

Honestly, if I hadn’t read Haley Barton’s book I couldn’t have told you it was a longing that was stirring. I’d pushed my longing aside. It was buried deep, and I left no room for it to come out. It was hidden beneath my busy schedule and my service for God. It wasn’t safe to face my longing because I wasn’t sure anything would change. I faced my longing once and nothing came of it. The thought of being disappointed again made me want to keep my desires quiet. Instead, this time, I took the brave step and brought my longing out in the presence of God, and it was life-changing.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

e been thinking about this woman a lot. Maybe you know her?

She loves God. She’s walked with Him for many years, but she’s tired. She’s tired of the same old relationship. She keeps trying to work her way to Him by doing all the right things. She’s diligent but utterly frustrated. Deep down she feels empty but doesn’t know what to do.

She Loves God, But He Seems Distant

She loves God, but He seems distant and she can’t figure out why. She’s gone through her mental checklist:

  • I’m serving Him by giving of my time, gifts, and finances. Check.

  • I attend church regularly. Check.

  • I throw up some prayers in the morning. Check

  • I try to get along with my husband. Check.

  • I’m raising these kids the best I know-how. Check.

  • I try to read the Bible. Check.

    Yet, after doing all these things for God, she’s not quite connecting with God. She reads her Bible, but there’s no wonder jumping off the pages. She can’t always relate to the stories or understand how they apply to her. She tries to listen for God’s voice, but mostly she hears the lies of condemnation and shame, or she hears nothing at all. This reinforces her lack, which causes her to move farther away from God.

    She’s praying about things: deep things, hard things, and yet it feels like her prayers bounce off the ceiling. She’s begged, pleaded, even bargained with God, and still, He doesn’t answer her prayers the way she wants, so she assumes He’s mad at her.

    She longs for something deeper and richer but is frustrated with how to get there. The formulas fall flat, the awe of God is gone. She feels alone, isolated, and disappointed in her relationship with God.

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I Am God's Beloved

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I Am God's Beloved

Today I’m wrapping up this six-month series on our Identity in Christ. We’ve talked about what it means to be loved, accepted, significant, forgiven, and secure. I’ve endeavored to give you an overview of who you are in Christ. There is so much more to share on this topic, and I will cover more in the future. I hope it’s left you longing to be renewed by Jesus.

Identity In Christ

A friend shared this photo of a pile of sprinkles on Instagram, and it captivates me. It’s joyful, bright, happy, and beautiful. It’s sweet and reminds me of my identity in Christ. God takes our brokenness and sprinkles it with good things like love, peace, acceptance, forgiveness, and belonging. Each attribute He gives is a reflection of Himself. He is everything good and gives good gifts. We don’t have to earn these gifts; they are free to receive.

Why is it that so many miss out on being sprinkled with His love and acceptance? Is it because we don’t know all Christ has done for us? Is it because the pain has clouded our view of God?

Broken Identity

As a child and teen, growing with a father and step-father who struggled with alcoholism, I wasn’t aware I could have a different perspective. I believe the negative labels, convinced they were my identity. In my youth, my labels are:

Rejected

Broken

Daughter of an Alcoholic

Trailer Trash

Fearful

Insecure

My experiences confirmed it, and I was certain to remain these labels forever until I met Jesus at age twenty-one. The trajectory of my life was changed forever as I began to peel back the layers of pain, and learn the truth about who I was in Christ. He taught me I was His beloved.

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

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A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

This is a series on the power of forgiveness. Go to last week’s post to read my family’s story. As we begin to walk in our true identity in Christ, we understand we are forgiven. Since we are forgiven, Christ also requires us to extend forgiveness to others.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

A canopy of gold and red hangs above our heads as we meet at the park on this glorious October day. I sense God’s presence as I walk into a holy moment, one that changes the trajectory of my life. The sun shines brightly against the cornflower blue sky reminding me of the goodness of God. He is our light in the darkness, and I experience this truth profoundly in the weeks following the tragedy. This is the first time I will see Al’s face since the shooting.

Just two months earlier, I’m filled with rage towards my step-dad, Al. It’s been a slow boil for years as the devastation of alcohol abuse has wrung me out. The thought of him makes my stomach churn. The endless bottles of alcohol, his slurred speech, the ensuing arguments. The sad, emptiness in his eyes, as he’s in denial about his drinking. I find his behavior weak, repulsive, and I feel justified in my anger. I’m only nineteen but both my father and step-dad succumb to alcoholism, and I’m simply fed up. I should have compassion for his brokenness, but I only feel disgusted. I mean, come on, he shot my mom. Surely that warrants hatred? I am confident in my stance.

Until God interrupts my hatred!

The only explanation I have for my parent’s reconciliation is surrender and divine intervention. My step-dad surrenders in jail, while my mom has her own “come to Jesus” moment at home recovering from surgery. A local pastor’s wife reaches out to my mom, and they build a friendship. My mom is equally exhausted from a life of co-dependence being married to two alcoholics. Her first marriage ends because of my dad’s drinking. Her father is also a recovered alcoholic, which likely contributes to the familiarity of it all. She does not want this marriage to end in divorce.

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In Christ, You are A Part

/ Pamela Henkelman Blogger /Life Coach/
In Christ, You are A Part

“All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” -1 Corinthians 12:27

I Want to Belong

I survey the room looking for a warm face. Even though I’m outgoing and friendly, I hate that feeling when I enter a room and know no one. Or worse yet, I know them, but not well. If I know they’re a close-knit bunch I wonder if they’ll make room for one more. I feel self-conscious, too tall, too loud. It makes me want to shrink. I’m the girl on the outside waiting to be invited in.

I take a brave step forward and say “hi.” Win them with a big smile, I think. One person acknowledges me, but the rest carry on with their conversation. I feel awkward. Maybe I picked the wrong circle? Maybe it doesn’t have to do with me at all. My inclination is to talk fast and try to get someone involved in the conversation, so I don’t feel so stupid. I’ll offer a warm smile and hope for the best, but sometimes people don’t respond. Then I feel stupid and wish I hadn’t tried. Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point? Being a part is a risky business.

So the trick is to anticipate which group will invite me in. Which circle will include me? You know how women are. We’re not always the best at that, especially when we know each other well. We’re close, so we share our inside jokes and common interests. We can unknowingly give off the vibe of “you’re not one of us, and we don’t desire to expand our reach.” Perhaps that’s the voice of my inner critic keeping me from connection? It’s hard to tell some days. Either way, I tread lightly because I felt the sting of rejection.

Girls and women have been playing this game for years. The dance shows up in Girl Scouts, College Sororities, Mom Playgroups, Card Clubs, Coffee Clutches and Bible Studies. We want to be part of something great without fear of rejection.

You Can Be A Part

We have a need to belong and Christ invites us to be a part of His family, He calls His family the Body of Christ where He is the head and we are the parts. Each part is valuable and important. Some parts are open and visible while other parts are hidden, but not one part will be overlooked by Him.

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” -John 1:12

Many of us carry the scars of rejection and at our deepest core, we long to be accepted. We scan the horizon looking for proof of our acceptance only to feel rejected again. Jesus provides the way for acceptance as we become children of God.

I Am Accepted By God

The Christmas Eve program rehearsals are well underway in our tiny church. The church ladies demand respect and hard work. We rehearse the songs and study our lines well. This is no amateur show. These ladies’ reputations are on the line, and they don’t want any kids to make them look like they’re unprepared for this holiest evening.

Christmas Eve brings everyone to church even those who aren’t faithful the rest of the year. Everyone comes in their new Christmas attire and the kids gather in the basement classrooms while parents and guests are seated in the sanctuary.

The kids wait in their tiny rooms with their teachers. There is lots of excited, wiggly energy. A shy child who doesn’t want to perform clings anxiously to her mother. The Momma peels her distraught child off her leg and races upstairs in the hope the child will calm down. A flustered teacher is left to deal with the fallout of tears.

I have a special role this year. I get to play Mary, the mother of Jesus. I’m a little kindergartener, with a pixie haircut, wrapped in a white tunic with a rope belt tied around my tiny waist. The blue satin headpiece is a thing of my dreams. It’s a long rectangle piece of fabric that sits on my head and falls over my shoulders. I have to be careful when I move.

I feel pure, innocent and deeply accepted. Why would God allow me to have such an important role? I’m nobody. I sing my solo with confidence and am overwhelmed at the delight and the sense of Papa’s love for me.

It’s the very first time I sense God’s acceptance of me, and I’m overcome with joy and peace. It would be another fifteen years and a lot of heartaches before I understand I’m a child of God.

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Love As God Loves

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Love As God Loves

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”-John 15:12

Not So Loving

It was a regular day at the church office. I’m tucked behind the desk in the front. My husband, Bob, the lead pastor has the office in the back and Adam, our worship leader has the middle office. It’s a small space, and you can often overhear conversations.

Bob is at my desk with me, and we are quietly arguing about something. We approach life very differently, but sometimes I believe my way is the best way and vise versa. He wants to be right and so did I. Conflict arises when neither of us refuses to budge. You might say we’re both a little stubborn. It’s become a pattern in our marriage, one that I’m not proud of.

Adam walks by and casually says, “Wow, you guys, do you have to bicker so much?” It wasn’t cruel, or judgmental, just accurate. The statement stops me in my tracks.

Thud! My heart sank.

His statement is like a punch to the gut, and the first time I realize my communication with my husband is unprofessional and unhealthy. Our kids notice it as do our coworkers. The desire to defend myself rises, but I remain quiet and think, “he’s right.” I feel embarrassed and convicted to make some changes.

Most couples like to pretend in front of others, keep the squabbles behind closed doors, but Bob and I are both strong and not afraid to fight for our opinion. We don’t harbor resentment, we “duke it out” at the moment and then move on and trust all is well in our relationship. We realize that’s not the norm.

What we fail to realize is this pattern is not helpful to those around us as it does nothing to show the love of God. It makes people feel uncomfortable like they’re somewhere they shouldn’t be. Our communication is rooted in selfishness, stubbornness, and pride. All the things Christ asks us not to be.

How about when couples retreat from each other or stuff their feelings to avoid conflict, then nothing gets resolved. It’s where bitterness grows and affects all our relationships. Is that a loving behavior?

God Is Love

Have you ever thought about how you love others is a reflection of God’s love? A healthy marriage is a picture of God and His beloved church. How we love our children and spouse is a reflection of God’s love for us. If we aren’t doing that well, what does that say about how we understand God’s love? Is it lacking? Are we not feeling loved, therefore we can’t extend love to others?

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Nothing Can Separate Us From God's Love

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Nothing Can Separate Us From God's Love

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

For a Moment I Felt Separated

I’m a young, inexperienced mom who’s frustrated with my sweet child. Why will this precocious three-year-old not cooperate today? Why will he not listen to the voice of reason? I feel myself start to lose control. I know I should hold it back but I can’t. Anger rises within like a beast waiting to be un-caged. I lose my temper, sling angry words at him, and yank his arm. He looks at me in shock, bursts into tears, and runs to his room.

I collapse on the floor ashamed and overwhelmed at my lack of self-control. I cry angry sobs, and I hear the leering accusations ring in my thoughts:

“You call yourself a Christian?”

“How can you even love God when you act like that?”

“You’re a complete fraud and a hypocrite!”

“You’re not even fit to be a mother.”

I’ve walked with God long enough to recognize where the thoughts come from. The Father of Lies tries to convince me my bad behavior separates me from God’s love.

I cry out to God at the moment and say, “God, please forgive me for hurting my son. Forgive me for my angry outburst and lack of self-control. Help me be the kind of mom my son needs me to be.”

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You are Loved by God, Part 1

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You are Loved by God, Part 1

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.- Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

One of the surest ways to understand our identity in Christ is to start with love. We can be completely assured of God’s love based on what the scripture says. When we know, understand, and experience God’s love, we are changed. 

My daddy doesn’t scoop me up when he sees me. Our time together is limited, as he carries the heavy burden of farming and raising pigs. Deep lines, a furrowed brow, and sadness are often reflected on his face.  

He introduces me to weird foods like smoked fish, blue cheese, and sardines. I enjoy our time together in the kitchen because it’s rare. I love to see the warmth in his eyes and a grin on his face in these fleeting moments. 

He calls me unusual nicknames, like “Quackgrass” or “Sowthistle.” It probably makes sense to him since he’s a farmer. But honestly, why would you think it’s cute to nickname your daughter after a weed?

The dinner table isn’t a place for a joyful family banter. Instead, quiet obedience is required. We never know what kind of mood dad will be in. He seems upset a lot, and we do not want to make things worse.

The cares of farming, family, my mom, and probably things he doesn’t understand weigh on him. He escapes the pain by running to alcohol, as the smell lingers on his breath. It’s how we know when we have to be extra cautious and quiet so as not to upset him.

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New Year: New Identity, To Know Christ

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New Year: New Identity, To Know Christ

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death.” -Philippians 3:10

In order for us to understand our identity in Christ, we need to know Him. The most powerful tool to use to know Christ is His Word.

An Awakening

It’s my first Mother’s Day on a perfect spring day, and I’m excited to open my present. Our first-born son is three weeks old, so I’m still healing from a c-section and deep into sleepless nights. We are in that newborn fog of parenting, each of us tries to make sense of our new roles. My hubby works long hours at the car dealership, needing to be the number one salesman each month, and I’m happy to be home with our newborn.

I excitedly open the gift and inside is a beautiful new Bible. It is pink with flowers and filled with lovely devotionals written by Godly women interspersed between the books of the Bible. I’m excited to dig in.

I’ve walked with God for four years, but something happens this spring as I open my new Bible and pour over its contents. I can’t wait for our newborn to nap so I can read the Word. I create a cozy spot on our front porch and sit in the sunshine and read. Tears pour down my cheeks and a longing in my soul is quenched as I read the Word. I know reading the Bible is important, but this is the first time in a long time I feel it’s life-giving power renew my weary soul. 

I’m hungry to know Christ, I want to understand God’s character. I want the Word to change me, to shape me into the person God has created me to be. I sense God’s nearness and His love for me overwhelms me. I never want to feel far from Him again.

Often we don’t understand our identity in Christ because we neglect our devotion to His Word. 

“Even among worship attendees less than half read the Bible daily. The only time most Americans hear from the Bible is when someone else is reading it.”-Lifeway Research

Our Bibles lay unopened and unread as we wonder why Christ seems so far off. We don’t experience our true identity in Christ because we don’t know our identity in Christ as it’s laid out in His Word.

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

‘For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”-Colossians 3:3 NLT

Once we accept Christ as Savior, He holds our life. We become hidden in Christ with God, and we belong to Him always. It’s the sweetest promise of belonging as a daughter of God. 

I walk into my new school, twelve years old, my parents newly divorced. I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.  My mom needed to leave my dad because he chooses the bottle of whiskey over us. It’s a relief to be out from under the tyranny of it all. As an underdeveloped 12-year-old with a pixie, I know I’m not going to win any popularity contest, for sure.  Navigating the new school is a challenge. I didn’t know living in a trailer court was a bad thing. I naively thought it was fun to have friends close by if you wanted someone to hang out with.

I quickly learned not to tell anyone about my address at the trailer court after the first reaction I received.  Disgust. It was written all over her face as I tell her where I live. This moment is where I first learn to pretend; put up the facade then no one will know how disgusting I am. It wouldn’t take long before I understood the term, “trailer trash.”  Be nice, be kind, but don’t tell anyone where you live. Shame has been my companion for a while already. I just want to belong.

This need to belong, to have a place, is a universal need. Sometimes we like to convince ourselves life would be easier alone. We resort to this thinking often when we’ve been hurt. Being alone leads us to self-reliance, the opposite of what Christ requires. He is delighted when we depend on Him alone. 

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New Year: New Identity

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New Year: New Identity

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.”

-Ephesians 17-19

When You Feel Unloved

She sits on the chair with a pillow behind her because her feet don’t touch the ground. I sit on the couch with my long legs curled under me.  We sip warm cups of coffee and chatter nonstop. We are polar opposites in temperament and physical characteristics as I usually interrupt her, because I’m impatient, whereas she’s calm, deliberate, and steady as the sunrise.

Our conversation turns to matters of the heart, as usual.  We’re both grown women with children and grandchildren who still struggle with wounds of our past.  We were both raised by alcoholic fathers. We get each other. Doesn’t it feel helpful to process the pain with a friend? 

She talks about feeling unnoticed, not valued. I ask her the same question, “What does Papa say about you?”  She sheepishly grins and says, “He says, I’m loved, I’m accepted, and I’m valuable, no matter what I feel.” I can’t resist the twinkle in her eyes as she remembers the truth about who she is in Christ. She remembers she’s God’s beloved. How soon we forget.  The conversation continues as we talk about God’s goodness and His love for us.

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