Refining Series: When You Feel Utterly Alone
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We’re spending three months this fall discussing God’s refining on the blog. I’ll include ways God has refined me and share other’s stories every other week. It’s is painful to be refined. We want to do anything to escape. But when we allow God to train us, and rebuild our character, He will make something beautiful out of us. We often mistake his training as punishment, but all refining is designed to remove our wrong perceptions of God and draw us closer to God if we let it.
“When you pass through the deep, stormy sea, you can count on me to be there with you. When you pass through raging rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through persecution like fiery flames, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you, for I am your Savior, Yahweh, your mighty God, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 43:2-3a
The sun was barely up as I plopped my weary body into my “Jesus Chair.” My friend, Karen, named it that because it was the chair I sat in every morning to meet with Jesus. It was a cozy space I created to pray and read the Word each day, but this day instead of feeling warm, I felt alone, utterly lost.
Persistent Pain
The pain had kept me up again another night. It wasn’t a new thing. The pain bore through my neck and upper back. It was relentless in its pursuit. It persisted and was a result of a car accident I had years before. I quit talking about pain. I stopped asking others for prayer, and I ceased asking God myself because honestly, it didn’t seem like my Jesus was interested. I had gone through seasons of pouring over the healing scriptures, praying them, and believing for them, but still, the pain persisted. I was exhausted and spent.
I begged God to show me what He wanted me to learn? Was there something I was doing wrong? The rule follower in me wanted to know what I could fix. My prayers looked like this: “Jesus, just tell me what to do and I’ll fix it! I’ll change! I’ll do whatever you want!” It all seemed desperate and futile. What was the point of all this physical pain?
Sweetly and gently, the Holy Spirit whispered, “You may feel alone, but you're actually not alone. I’m right here with you. I’ve been with you every moment and I’ll be with you until the end of time.”
It’s what I needed most that day and every day since. I need to know my God is present. I need to know He’s with me in the midst of my pain. I need to trust that if God doesn’t remove the pain, He will never remove Himself.
All refining is allowed to help us remove a faulty view of God. Why or how had I assumed God wasn’t near because He wasn’t changing my circumstances or healing my body? Why had I assumed his silence meant He was absent?
What we feel is real, but it is not always the truth. It’s a lesson I will work on for the rest of my life because I can have some awfully big feelings! How about you? Do you confuse what you feel with what you know to be true?
One thing the pain has taught me is when I feel it, I need to move closer to Jesus. He’s not ignoring me, He’s calling me. He longs to comfort me and bring peace to my weary soul and body. It makes no difference if it’s physical pain or emotional pain, each signals to my heart I need some time with God because He promises His presence, every single time!!
It’s His precious promise to us. No matter what we feel the truth is, we are never left alone. God’s not upset with us for feeling alone as He longs to be our Comforter. He knows this world we live in is harsh and He longs to soothe our souls.
Try this when you feel alone in your pain…
Acknowledge the feeling. Sometimes we deny it, stuff it, or lash out at someone else. But in the quiet, acknowledge what you feel.
Ask God to clarify the truth about Himself.
Can you find some scripture passages which reveal the truth?
Thank God for His presence in your life.
Trust Him to move or change things as He sees fit and in His timing.
In a season of refining, it's normal to feel alone. It hurts to be refined, but through the process, God is calling us to Himself. He is drawing us with love and compassion. When we use the pain of isolation or any physical pain as a reminder to seek Him, we are met with an unending supply of His goodness and love.
Dear Papa, Sometimes I feel so utterly alone like you don’t care about me or aren’t interested in my struggle. Help me learn to bring my honest feelings to you and then reveal the truth about Yourself to me. Help me trust I’m truly not alone. Help me move closer when I feel like running away. Open my heart and mind to comprehend how much you love me. Amen.
September 15th marked the sixth anniversary of my rear-end accident. During my many doctors’ appointments following the accident, we discovered I have scoliosis in my upper back. How did I get to be almost fifty years old and not know I have scoliosis? Perhaps I was doing fine and the accident jarred everything? I’ve tried so many different treatments, but have found the most pain relief with changing my diet to reduce inflammation in my body. Do I miss sweets and carbs? Of course, I do, but it’s worth it to feel less pain.
Are you still struggling?
Maybe this will help.
I’ve included a guide to help you navigate your refining season. Click on the image below and leave your name and email so I know where to send it.
