I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

We are wrapping up our Refining Series today with a powerful story about grief. I met Bekah in an online writing group called Hope*writers and was part of the launch team for her newly published book, Can’t Steal My Joy: The Journey To A Different Kind of Brave. Bekah shares the story of her two sons’ diagnosis with an incurable genetic disorder. In a matter of months, she lost her firstborn, Titus and now battles the disease with her son, Ely. Her book is the most honest portrayal of pain juxtaposed with the hope of Christ. I read her book in one sitting and came away inspired and challenged by her courage through a devastating loss. It’s an honor to share Bekah’s story.

Bekah’s Story

I grew up in the southeastern desert of Idaho at the base of a beautiful mountainscape. And I loved the mountains, but some of my favorite memories growing up came from our vacations to the central coast of California where my grandparents lived. When we visited, we knew we were always in for a fish fry, a Santa Maria BBQ, and trips to the beach.

And oh, how I loved the trips to the beach! We would catch sand crabs and put them in a bucket, watching them burrow back down to safety. I loved walking along watching for the little bubbles that would tell you to start digging because a crab was sure to be under there. I also loved building things out of the sand. Sandcastles, covering ourselves in the sand, making animals. It was all fun. And then we’d watch as the tide would swish in, slowly and surely taking apart whatever we built. I had no idea as a kid, I would one day feel like my life was one such sandcastle getting tormented and destroyed by waves with no control over the matter.

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

I have two stories left to share to conclude the Refining Series.

I was especially touched by Debra’s story. She endured a toxic marriage for many years in hopes he would change. I believe God can restore any marriage if people are willing to change and partner with God. Unfortunately, there are toxic people who don’t want to change. Debra experienced years of pain in her marriage yet allowed God to refine her in the midst of her heartache. It is an honor to share Debra’s story today.

Debra’s Story:

Ten years into my marriage of 22 years, I became aware of my husband’s sexual addiction, same-sex attraction, and acting out.  Through it all, he had kept up an appearance of godliness while engaging in a pursuit of sinfulness. As a Christian, I know “God hates divorce”,  so I would not give up hope of restoring our marriage. I continued to offer grace and forgiveness while facing each disappointment. 

 As years passed, I persevered through the lies and deception.  I always wanted to believe my husband was getting the help he needed and making progress, desiring to heal the brokenness of our marriage. Each time I believed we were on the road to a restored marriage, I would discover more of his ongoing deception.  We continually needed to start over, rebuilding from “ground zero”.  

While attending counseling, small group sessions, marriage classes, and intensive weekend therapy sessions, my nightmare remained a well-kept secret from family and friends. Experiencing the hurt, pain, embarrassment, shame and betrayal of someone, who I thought loved me and loved God, was paralyzing. I remained isolated.  Bearing it alone was a heavy burden, but I continued believing God would heal and restore the marriage, keeping our family intact.  

 My kids were unaware of the issues. They were ages 3 and 8 when things began.  Feeling zombie-like from endless sleepless nights, I was determined to provide stability and wholeness for them.  I worked to keep up the facade of being a happy mom, while on the inside experiencing anxiety and depression. 

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,”                                                                                                                                    -James 1:4

As we wrap up this series, I wanted to talk about one of the most important byproducts of refining: perseverance.  Perseverance does not come naturally, and it’s built into our character by the practice of not giving up. It’s a challenge to persevere because we long for a life of ease and comfort. It’s why we struggle with exercise, keeping our house clean, paying off debt, or working on broken relationships because they all require hard work and perseverance. We can learn to persevere through practice.

My husband and I had been in a health-related trial for many months. My husband was sick, and there was no cure in sight.  I was watching the news one evening and a report came on about pit bulls. The dog owner held up a braided rope with a large braided ball at the end.  The owner hovered it over the pit bulls head and it jumped up and latched onto the ball with its powerful jaws and did not let go. The pitbull hung mid-air latched on to the rope with all its might.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “I want you to be just like that pit bull. You hold on to Me and never let go.” It was a beautiful image of tenacity, and it would become the theme of my days.

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

I have three more stories to share this month as we wrap up our Refining Series. My hope in sharing these stories is to help you not feel alone while being refined. The refining process is for all of God’s kids and it’s not meant to be seen as a punishment but rather training.

Ally talks about how it was difficult for her to bring negative emotions to God. I think we’ve all felt the need to tidy ourselves up a bit before we come to God, have we not? But she learned a valuable tool to help her move forward and to get a revelation about how God saw her. I’m honored to share Ally’s story today.

Ally’s Story

In 2006, I met a boy at a party. I was a freshman in the first week of college; he was a sophomore engineering student. A few days after we met, he asked if I want to go for a walk. We started walking every day. To class. To the Arboretum. To TCBYs. We were inseparable. He liked showing me off to his friends, telling them I was his perfect girl. His friends became my friends. He took months to kiss me- I remember thinking"This is what gentlemen do".

I don't know when the comments started. I did not notice at first because I read the world as black and white. The red flags I knew to beware were the obvious ones: are they pressuring you? Are they flat out mean to you? Those aren't your friends. His comments weren't like that, though. "You would look really good in that dress... If you lost like 5 pounds." "Do you really want to eat the whole cookie/the whole sandwich/the whole meal? I'm just looking out for you." "Do you really need to go spend time with your friend? I wanted to see you. I studied last night so I could keep tonight free for you". Always guilt. Always my fault. Always ways I could be better. 

Two years later, standing in the rain outside of his apartment after an argument, I broke up with him. For real this time.

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

As part of my Refining Series, I’m sharing Refining stories; stories of women who have wrestled with God, through difficult situations and let Him refine them. They felt the sting of disappointment and have run to God with their pain. In turn, God has revealed more of His character to them.

Today I share a story many are familiar with, the refining from an injury. As much as we wish we wouldn’t get injured or hurt, it happens because we live in a fallen world. But God offers us Himself in these seasons. I pray her words bring you comfort. I am honored to share Rebekah’s story with you.

Rebekah’s Story:

One day early in basketball season, during my junior year of college, a group of teammates talked about how awful an injury, especially a torn ligament, would be.

“That would be awful,” one said. “I don’t know how I’d keep going,” said another.

I don’t know how I’d respond, I thought to myself. I haven’t been injured longer than a day or two.

It wasn’t my experience yet, but it was coming, and I would have a lot to learn in the process.

Midway through that season, during our holiday tournament, I had played well in Game 1, and my performance early in Game 2 set me up well for all-tournament honors. Toward the end of the second game, however, I took one wrong step. No contact from another player, no accident. Just a step and my knee buckled.

I wanted to deny it, but my knee continued to swell, and all the telltale signs were there. I heard the results of my MRI the day after Christmas: I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in my left knee.

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Refining Series: When You Feel Utterly Alone

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Refining Series: When You Feel Utterly Alone

When you pass through the deep, stormy sea, you can count on me to be there with you. When you pass through raging rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through persecution like fiery flames, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you, for I am your Savior, Yahweh, your mighty God, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 43:2-3a

The sun was barely up as I plopped my weary body into my “Jesus Chair.”  My friend, Karen, named it that because it was the chair I sat in every morning to meet with Jesus.  It was a cozy space I created to pray and read the Word each day, but this day instead of feeling warm, I felt alone, utterly lost.  

Persistent Pain

The pain had kept me up again another night.  It wasn’t a new thing. The pain bore through my neck and upper back.  It was relentless in its pursuit. It persisted and was a result of a car accident I had years before.  I quit talking about pain. I quit asking others for prayer, and I quit asking God myself because honestly, it didn’t seem like my Jesus was interested.  I had gone through seasons of pouring over the healing scriptures, praying them, and believing for them, but still, the pain persisted. I was exhausted and spent.

I begged God to show me what He wanted me to learn? Was there something I was doing wrong?  The rule follower in me wanted to know what I could fix. My prayers looked like this: “Jesus, just tell me and I’ll fix it!  I’ll change! I’ll do whatever you want!” It all seemed desperate and futile. What was the point of all this physical pain?

Sweetly and gently, the Holy Spirit whispered, “You may feel alone, but you're actually not alone.  I’m right here with you. I’ve been with you every moment and I’ll be with you until the end of time.”

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

As part of my Refining Series I will share Refining Stories. Stories of women who have wrestled with God and let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting on disappointment and have allowed God to refine them.

Today I’m excited to share Andrea’s story. It’s a story about the pain of rejection and haven’t we all felt it at one time or another? I pray her words bring your comfort. i am honored to share Andrea’s story with you.

Andrea’s Story:

My pulse raced with excitement as I walked into the sanctuary for the congregational meeting. Nerves were present, but it was mostly an alive sort of feeling. This vote could set me on the course of something I felt driven and called to do! This was forever going to change the trajectory of my life, my career and my faith! I just hadn’t imagined how much it would.

A couple months prior to that moment, I had found myself spending almost all of my free time serving as a worship leader and a youth leader for a little church in my town. Was I officially trained for any of that? Nope. Civil engineering was my full-time day job. Music was just a hobby, and teenagers were honestly kind of a mystery. However, music was what made my heart come alive and was what I could spend hours doing without fatigue. 

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

“... yet not my will, but yours be done.” -Luke 22:42

My husband, the pastor, stepped to the platform on a regular Sunday morning following the music part of worship when the Holy Spirit whispered to his heart, “Your work here is done.”  He was stunned for a second at the timing of the statement, but he gathered his composure and proceeded to preach the message and wrap up the Sunday service. He didn’t tell me about the impression of God for two weeks.

We spent the previous seven years revitalizing a rural church.  God moved the church through a building project, stewardship campaign, implemented a thriving Kids ministry, and brought the Sunday attendance from 40 to 180 under our leadership. Our children were doing well, we had just received a raise, and the church changed the bylaws so we could stay indefinitely.  Our course was set, and we were content.

And just like that, God said we were done.

My husband didn’t tell me right away because he wanted time to process and pray.  I was shocked when he told me. All my dreams of the future were crushed. We would move and need to start all over again.  My heart was weary of starting over, but when we answered the call to full-time ministry, we knew our lives were no longer our own.  We desired to be in God’s will more than anything, and so we began to pray and wait, each day exchanging our plans for His.

Part of the refining process for most of us will involve dying to our wants.  And isn’t it this why refining is so painful? We have a vision, a plan, and a course set out and then suddenly it all changes. Why is change so jarring, and why is surrender so difficult?  Why is it so hard to trust the good plans of God?

How do we set aside our agendas and wants? 

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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