“There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6

Step Back in Time

I watched Rebekah gracefully cross the stage to accept her certificate, confident and composed, as my mind flashed to her four-year-old-self. I saw her in her purple sequined tutu and her first pair of tap shoes, blissfully on stage at her first dance recital. Her wavy hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, with a purple feather hat tipped to the side. She grinned from ear to ear as the music faded up. Her brown eyes sparkled as she danced.

I remembered the challenging middle school years where girls hurled insults and hurt her tender heart. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a movie, it was a shocking reality for my young teen. She navigated rejection and learned important lessons about friendship.

High school brought endless leadership opportunities and growth. And here we were at the end, as our calendar was filled with events.The final Choir Concert, Spring Musical, National Honor Society Banquet, Prom, Student Council Banquet, Speech Banquet. She blissfully walked through each event while I thought my heart would break in two. How can a mom experience such joy and sadness in the same moments?

My thoughts raced ahead. In three short months, we’d be dropping her off at a college 431 miles away from us. What were we thinking? Will she find good friends? Will she feel homesick and want to come home? What am I going to do without my daughter? No more coffee dates, Target runs, or show tunes blaring from the bathroom. Anxiety and fear welled up inside of me. I dreaded thinking about the fall, and the deep loss I would experience. 

It was time to give myself a little pep talk. “Focus on today,” I told myself. “She hasn’t left yet. Enjoy your summer together.”

Are You Looking Ahead?

Momma, how about you? Are you moving too fast and already grieving when your child leaves in the fall? What if there is a way to stay present with our children and soak up all the goodness, today? Right here. Right now.

It’s a normal response to feel sad, when we think about the future apart from our grownup child. What if instead of projecting into the unknown future, we stayed active and present with our seniors while they were still home?  

Imagine my shock, as a friend was telling me about this passage in the Message version. A certain phrase stood out and I know it will mean a lot to you too. “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6.  Momma, God is saying there’s a right time to hold and another to let go. Isn’t that the best news? It’s not time to let go, YET! God invites you to hold on for a little while longer and savor the moments with your emerging adult. Isn’t that the sweetest permission?

You are allowed to hold tight and savor all the moments and here are some ways to do just that.

Savor The Moments

1. Share your heart: 

This is the time for honesty with your adult child. Make sure they know how proud you are of them, but don’t make them responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your contentment.  This isn’t about your child’s accomplishments but about who they are as a person. Tell them how you feel, don’t assume they know. 

Encourage them it’s normal to feel shaky as they step into the future, but for today, we choose peace. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own. Shower your child with your belief in them and appreciate the bond you share. If there’s a little distance, this is the time to move closer.

2. Engage in your senior’s world:

Spend time together immersed in what your senior loves!  Whether it’s sports, academics, musical exploits, theater, cooking, car repairs, hiking, etc.  The options are limitless, but the important thing is to enter their world and see what makes them hum. You don’t have to like it or be interested but because you love them, you’ll give of yourself and create beautiful memories together. 

3. Don’t assume what the future holds:

This is not the time to play “The Worst Case Scenerio” game. It does no good to project into the future. It simply robs you of the joy of being present with your child today. Set aside your fears and worries and relish the present moments. Your child will struggle. We all did, but you will learn a new level of faith as you rely on God. But, we’re not there yet. Be present, enjoy the moments together. 

4. Accept them where they’re at:

Unmet expectations have a way of snuffing out all joy in your relationship with your child. Instead of pining for what is not, accept where your child is today. Love them, listen to them, and empathize. These next years will bring much change with your young adult. Instead of being embittered, allow acceptance to reign, so you can love your child freely. 

We naturally want to rush ahead to the future with our graduating seniors. We can’t imagine the days without their presence in our homes. The sadness wells up and it robs us of the joy we have today with them still at home. The best advice is to slow down and savor the time you have together. This is the season of embracing; hold on tight and love your child well.  

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, help me not get ahead of myself and focus on the fall when my child leaves home. I want to stay present with my child and savor the moments we have together. Give us sweet times of meaningful talks, fun, and bonding. I trust You with the future and I will not let go before it’s time. Help me to hold on for now and enjoy the time together. Amen.

Wonder what’s next?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, to the Questioning Mom to the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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