“Trust in the Lord and do good.Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.” Psalm 37:3 NLT

Move In Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I had made this transition five times, it never got easier for me. 

Transitions
When we drop our children at college, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as moms.

We will miss their adorable faces and everyday interactions. We will long for the pile of dirty dishes in their rooms, and the friends they brought home. We’ll miss their voice and plopping down on their beds to chat. Their absence changes the family dynamic, and that’s an adjustment too.  

So many questions fill our thoughts: Will they make friends?  Will they be lonely or homesick? Will they be responsible? Will they continue to love God? Will they be safe?

God, in His sovereignty, calls us to trust Him and do good. There are steps we can take to prosper in this season. He helps us be aware that change is coming, and He is ready to get us through. We are not left alone in this transition. His gentle hand will lead us to peace when we are aware and make purposeful adjustments.“Trust in the Lord and do good.Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.” Psalm 37:3 NLT

4 Things You Need to Know Before You Bring Your Child to College

1.You have permission to grieve. It’s normal to feel sad in this season. Instead of pretending you’re fine, talk about your grief. Pain and pressure are released when we open up about loss. Find a trusted friend who has walked this road with her child. Don’t assume talking will exaggerate your grief. Often, it will alleviate it. Spend time talking to God about your grief, too. Pour it out before Him so it doesn’t spill over into other areas of your life. When we open up about our pain, we’ll be able to move through it easier. It doesn’t last forever, but ignoring it can only make it worse. “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

2.Your child will grow and change: You are about to enter a season of rapid growth with your emerging adult. They will hear new ideas and concepts and they will test what they believe about many things. Don’t assume this is cause for alarm. When it comes to faith, we must allow our children to wrestle with it. This is part of working out their salvation (Philippians 2:12). It’s okay to ask your young adult questions. Listen well, all the while trusting God is at work.

If and when your child struggles or fails, remember to lead with love. When my child made a mistake, I welcomed them with compassion. I let natural consequences play out as I supported them. Pain is a powerful teacher. When emotions sought to pull me down, I cried out to God. His promises sustained me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

3.Talk about expectations: Perhaps you have a vision about how often you and your child will talk. It’s likely their vision is different. Before your child leaves, have a conversation about what that will look like. Let your child lead. You may want to talk to them daily, but that may not be what they need. Have a simple conversation about what each of you expects. This will prevent unnecessary heartache. Accept what your child wants and enjoy the moments when you connect. “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.” - 1 Peter 3:8

4.Focus on something you enjoy: There are benefits to having one less child around. This is the natural order of families, so instead of being caught in the heartache, choose to focus on something you enjoy. Perhaps there’s a hobby lying dormant that you have time to enjoy again. Is there a friendship you’d like to grow? Perhaps another mom who walks this season of transition with you? Is there part of your work you find satisfaction in and can focus on? Take a weekend trip with your hubby to reconnect. Look inside and see what you need most right now, then make a plan to execute. See the good all around, instead of focusing on the loss. “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

You have a lot of emotions to wade through as you prepare to drop your emerging adult at college. Knowing you will need to navigate this transition with God’s grace and commitment to see the good, amidst the heartache, will help you walk through these days with more peace. Remain tender before God and hopeful with your adult child. There is so much good ahead, momma. I promise.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I’m nervous about this big transition in my motherhood. Please be with me and my child as we learn to do life apart from each other. Calm my fears and help me grieve in a healthy manner. Help me hold reasonable expectations about communication and help me find something new I can enjoy at this time in my life. Thank you for helping me through these unfamiliar days. I trust you. Amen.

Still struggling?

I have a free guide, Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child. Leave a name and email so I know where to send it.