“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”-Matthew 7:12

As Children Change

As my grown children left home and ventured into the big world, some of them came back with new ideas or fresh insights that were contrary to how they were raised. Initially I viewed these differences as a reflection of me, and I felt like a failure as their mother.

I thought, “This isn’t how I raised you. How can you possibly think that way about these issues?” I wanted to fight back with all the reasons they were wrong, but I knew that wouldn’t get us anywhere. I needed to shift and think less about myself and realize they were autonomous humans who were free to think whatever they wanted about society.

This is a season of great change for both mom and her adult child. Our children will test theories and wrestle with what they believe about themselves, society, and God. Growth is required for both of us and respect is the channel which fuels positive change.

The Need To Respect

I needed to extend respect through the way we communicated. But not the insincere “grin and bear it” sort. I desired to truly honor them as humans. As a follower of Christ, honor is due even when we disagree.

I concentrated on my connection with God. He became my source of comfort as I poured out my woes. My calmness, genuine respect, and gentle words ruled our interactions. I wasn’t required to agree with my grown child; I was simply asked to respect them each time we talked.

This was not easy at first! Where there was once frustration and a simmering inside, I’ve learned to talk peacefully. I practice patience and surrender all the emotions to God instead of flinging piercing words at my children. This took years of practice.

We don’t want to behave in a negative way, but sometimes it is painful for us to respect a child who sees the world differently from how we raised them because we think respect means acceptance. I don’t believe these words are synonymous.

Hurtful words flung in an emotional moment cause a rift in our relationships. We realize respect is the better way. When we give respect we usher in grace, peace and God’s presence.