Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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Refining Series: Our View of God

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Refining Series: Our View of God

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”-Job 2:10b

 The Refinement of Loss

We were married four years and our son was two when I took the next positive pregnancy test.  I was elated and raced to the clinic to have the blood test confirm the pregnancy, and it did. Baby #2 was on the way and I was especially thrilled because two of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies.  It was a girlfriend's dream come true!

Just hours later I started to bleed.  I frantically called my doctor and he recommended bed rest for the weekend.  I sobbed and worried as my little toddler seemed confused by my sudden bed rest and my husband looked equally bewildered. We felt utterly helpless.

I willed myself to stay still, thinking perhaps if I didn’t move, the bleeding would stop.  I prayed, I begged, and I pleaded with God. I asked for a miracle but the bleeding never stopped. I returned to the clinic on Monday to check the levels in my blood and later in the afternoon, the Dr. confirmed my greatest fear.  Our baby was gone. As quickly as it came, it was gone. The experience left me crushed, broken and bewildered. I assumed God would rescue me, yet He didn’t.

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

As part of my Refining Series, I’ll be sharing Refining Stories; stories of people who have wrestled with anger and disappointment with God.  People changed, rebuilt and rescued by God. Allison, is a special needs mom. I pray by reading her story you’ll be strengthened to continue your own refining season, with the confidence of how God works all the hard things together for good. I’m honored to have Allison share her story.

Allison’s Story

Sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through Pinterest, I heard my husband Ben answer his phone. We’d been waiting on this call for a couple of weeks and my heart constricted tighter and faster listening to his end of the conversation. Though he was mostly nodding and scribbling notes, not saying much, I could tell the results showed something.

Hanging up the phone, he turned to tell me the results: a rare (1 in 100,000 boys) genetic disorder. Three extra chromosomes. A spectrum of possibilities but physical and intellectual difficulties guaranteed. Apraxia. Hypotonia. Possible heart issues. Anxiety. Recurring pneumonia. Of course, our pediatrician advised us not to Google the syndrome, and of course, I didn’t listen.

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Refining Series: What If God Is Up To Something?

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“See I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”-Isaiah 48:10

The Refining Process

Refining is a process in which impurities are removed from oil, metals, and not surprisingly, Followers of Christ. The refining process begins with something in a crude state being turned into something useful. The impurities are extracted with chemicals or heat, resulting in the purest form.

So why do we need to be refined? Could it be our character and habits need to be purified? Is it because God has a wonderful plan for what we will become and a refining season will help us get there?

What does the refining process look like for a child of God? Most often He uses trials and setbacks, sickness and loss, pain and heartache. He often uses the people closest to us, including our spouse’s and children. Perhaps He’ll use our boss, coworker or neighbor.

Now you’re excited! Stay with me.

Most of us are cruising along in life, loving Jesus, going to church, growing in our faith and then BAM, something bad happens. When the trial comes, we’re stunned! We ask all the questions because we’re disappointed. We question our loving God.

  • “God, why?”

  • “God, if you are good, why is this bad thing happening?”

  • “God this is too hard! I can’t do this and why do you think I can?”

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

”The tongue can bring death and life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” -Proverbs 18:21

There’s a story of two brothers. The older son was treated fair and could stand up the the emotional abuse of his father, but the younger brother was not so fortunate. He could do nothing right in his fathers eyes, and his father caused great damage with his harsh words. The father was critical of everything the younger son did, and the words left lasting wounds of insecurity, doubt, self-loathing. Because the father told him he could never do anything right, he believed it.

Have you ever been the recipient of cruel words? Most of us have. Perhaps a family member or an acquaintance in school, or the neighborhood bully. Their bitter words cut to the core and leave us wounded for years. And every time someone speaks harshly to us, we bleed all over again.

Have you ever considered the power of your words as you walk through a difficult season, and how they effect your attitude? When we’re under stress we often resort to blame, by being critical of others or God. Or we make declarations like, “I can’t do this, it’s too hard!” or “This will never get better!” or “This is impossible!” There is life or death in your words, and it takes diligence to control them.

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” -Psalm 145:13b

The best wisdom I can share about trust comes from God Himself. What He says about Himself in the Word has convinced me beyond the shadow of a doubt He is trustworthy. I’m tenacious enough that when God speaks, I long to listen and believe. Of course, we all struggle with unbelief, but there was a season of great testing where I learned about trust.

“Do you trust Me?” - God

My husband and I had been married for seven years and had three children under five when he became sick with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Our newborn was two months old when the first paralysis took place. God had just brought us through an amazing miracle with our baby, so our faith was strong, but we had no idea the devastation we’d face in the next two-and-a-half years, as the disease progressed.

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”- 2 Corinthians 4:18

The Unseen Realm

One lesson we need to learn when it comes to trusting God is His work in the unseen realm. All He does and is, how He moves and shifts takes place in the unseen. We know Him and accept Him by faith, and He is always doing so much more than what we see. His unseen activity needs to be our focus.

The days leading up to speak at Women’s Conference in Arizona, I was depleted from the non-stop busyness of life at church and activities with our teenage daughters. I was crabby, exhausted, and my usual sunny disposition had up and left. My hubby even noticed. I landed late in Arizona and crawled into bed at my parent’s winter home. The next morning I got up early, found a cup of coffee and plopped myself in a comfy chair on the patio. The warmth enveloped me as I relaxed in the lounge chair. As I lifted my eyes, there were the Superstition Mountains, literally in my parents back yard. They stood strong, proud, and clothed in desert red.

The moment I settled back and looked at the mountain, the Spirit whispered these words from Psalms to my weary soul: “I will lift my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” -Psalm 121:1-2

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.”- Jeremiah 24:7

Do you know God?

I spent most of my childhood and teen years knowing about God, but I didn’t know Him at all. He seemed distant, aloof and uninterested. I knew He was holy and to be revered, but I didn’t understand how revering Him would impact me. My Grandma taught me to be quiet in the vestibule and sit still for everyone around me while at her little Lutheran church. We didn’t attend that often, so church always felt a little stiff and formal to me. There was singing songs with lots of verses, reading from the Word and praying, but I didn’t really know how it effected me personally; there was no awe for me. I recognized some stories from the Bible as learned on the flannel graph in Sunday School. I knew Easter was a big deal because we got up early for sunrise service and I got wear a new dress and head to my Grandmas with all my cousins.

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

Remarkable Hope

I had the privilege recently of helping a fellow Hope*Writer launch her second book, Remarkable Hope. I thought of you as I read her compelling book. She takes common Biblical stories and retells them as fiction then provides beautiful insights about hope. You’ll will find yourself breathless as you read her Biblical accounts, then so filled with hope by the wisdom she shares about people who’ve been disappointed, disillusioned, and running out of hope. I’ve been there, how about you? Welcome Shauna Lettellier to Be Encouraged!

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” -Hebrews 6:19


Thomas Chisholm was not a formally educated man. But in 1941 he wrote in a letter, “My income has not been large at any time due to impaired health in the earlier years which has followed me on until now. Although I must not fail to record here the unfailing faithfulness of a covenant-keeping God and that He has given me many wonderful displays of His providing care, for which I am filled with astonishing gratefulness."*

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Trusting God Series: The Surrendered Heart

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Trusting God Series: The Surrendered Heart

We’ll continue the Trusting God Series today talking about the surrendered heart. Often we struggle with trusting God because we don’t want to surrender to the unknown, or we’re just plain stubborn as we resist the leading of the Spirit. We fear surrendering to God will land us somewhere we never wanted to be. However, surrender is the door to trusting God.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.’” Isaiah 30:15

My husband stepped into the pulpit one Sunday morning at our church, and the Spirit whispered, “Your time here is over.” My husband was stunned by the timing, but he gathered his composure and went on with the rest of the service. We had spent seven years revitalizing this rural church in Minnesota. It is a grueling adventure to bring restoration and healing to a body of Believers. We left the church a healthier bunch. We had just received a raise and a clause in our contract that we could stay as long as we wanted. We assumed we would retire there, but God had other plans.

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Trusting God Series: Control Is An Illusion

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Trusting God Series: Control Is An Illusion

We’re continuing our Trusting God Series, with the topic of control. When it comes to trust, we often struggle with surrender, as we’d much rather control all the outcomes. We like to control our work ,our spouse, our kids, our finances, our health, our loss, our pain. We think if we can just control everything, then we won’t get hurt, or experience pain. Today we’ll discuss why control is an illusion.

“But I trust in you, Lord. I say, ‘You are my God.’”- Psalm 31:14

Control Is An Illusion

The first time I sent my fourth grader to summer camp for one week, I took his cute little clothes and folded each outfit and placed it in a Ziploc bag, with the day written on it. Day clothes and evening church clothes had separate bags and it was orderly system that I thought would help my random, non-sequential child to function well and at least wear the right outfit. He returned from camp with several of those bags unopened. Twelve years later, when child number five went to her first summer camp I said, “you should go pack for camp.” And she did, all by herself, with no Ziploc bags in sight!

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