Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31


Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

  • Why God?

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • What will others think of me?

  • What if they experience complete separation from God?

  • How can we get along when we disagree?

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7 Uplifting Prayers Your Heart Needs When Your Adult Child Struggles

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Prayer Matters

Your prayers are impactful.

When your adult child struggles, you feel helpless, as you want to rush in and rescue, but you know that’s not the best way to proceed. Your fixing stunts your adult child’s growth. Instead of rescuing, there’s a better way. Support them through prayer.

Prayer is an act of grace and a defiant “no” to the enemy’s schemes in your grownup child’s life. Instead of being upset, you bow your head and engage with your powerful God.

Prayer changes you, as you lay down your rights and get in tune with God’s work on the earth and in your adult child’s life. You trade your worries and fears for confidence in your Maker. You trust your good God will see your child through each struggle. Growth will come. Hope will rise as you intercede.

Remember, your child will struggle; troubles come to all of us. When it all feels too much for you to bear, turn to these prayers. Sit with God and pour it all out, as you exchange your fears for His lovingkindness and grace.

1. A Prayer of Lament When You Need to Be Honest with God

Scripture: 

“Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;  answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust you. You are my God.” Psalm 86:1-2

  Prayer:

Oh, God, it hurts deeply to see my child struggle. I’m hurting and I’m overcome with worry, but I know I need to run to you. So here I am, pouring it all out. I need your help. My child needs your help. Hear me and answer me because I love you and you love me. I know you are my faithful God. Amen.

2. A  Prayer for Releasing the Need to Fix Your Child

Scripture:

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.” Corinthians 6:12

Prayer: 

Dear God, you know I want to rush in and make everything better for my child. I could, but if I did, it would thwart their growth. So give me strength to understand what my child is responsible for and what I’m responsible for. I do not want to get in the way of their maturing. Amen

3. A Prayer for Relinquishing Control of Outcomes

Scripture:

  “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”- Proverbs 19:21

 Prayer:        

God, you know I struggle with expectations about how my child’s life should go. Help me surrender my plans for your purposes. You, alone, know what’s best for my adult child. I relinquish my desire to impact any outcomes. I know your plans and purposes are best. I accept them wholeheartedly. Amen.

4. A Prayer for When You Need to Accept Your Child’s Troubles

Scripture:

 “But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.”- Job 2:10

Prayer:

Oh, Lord, you know I get this wrong so often. I assume you only give good gifts so when troubles come I’m disappointed in you. That’s the wrong way to view you. Help me understand you allow hardship because you care about my child’s relationship with you, more than their comfort. You are good. You are always good, even when difficulties arrive in my child’s life. Amen.

5. A Prayer for When You Want to Trust God More

Scripture:

“The Lord is my strength and shield.I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”-Psalm 28:7

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I know this season of my life is all about trusting you more. You love my grown kids more than I do, so help me lean into my relationship with you. Reveal your greatness and reassure me as you teach me how to trust you with my grown children. These kids are yours, and I trust you with my whole heart. I know you're working in unseen ways. I bless you for helping me. I praise your great name. Amen.

6. A  Prayer for Finding Strength in God

Scripture:

“O Lord, do not stay far away! You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!”-Psalm 22:19

Prayer:

Lord, I must confess, there are so many times I feel weak when it comes to my adult kids' struggles. I become consumed with worry and I know that’s not how you want me to live. Be my strength and shield. Help me understand apart from you I am weak and fragile. But when I lean on you, I am held, confident and secure. Be the strength of my life and my confidence forever. Amen.

7. A Prayer that Your Child Seeks God

Scripture:

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”-Jeremiah 29:13

Prayer:

Papa, I ask you to draw my hurting child to your heart. Help them seek you with all their might. Help them lean into you through their suffering. Help them experience your love through these difficult days. When they are far from you, draw them closer, as you minister your love. Amen.

You have the privilege of praying when your adult child fails. Your prayers are important. “Because no one has the burden of heart for your adult children that you do, your prayer for them will have a fervency that no one else’s will have.” - Stormie Omartian, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children

No one cares for your child more than you; you have a front row seat to God’s miracles in your child’s life. Keep praying, momma!

Can I pray for you?

Dear God of Tender Mercies, I praise you and thank you for this momma. Thank you for seeing her and hearing her. You are a responsive God. Bless this momma with peace in her heart. Give her unwavering confidence in you, her Mighty God. Pour out your steadfast love and faithfulness upon her as she intercedes for her child. Work all the difficult circumstances together for good. Turn misery into a miracle as this momma waits on you. Amen.

Still struggling? 

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.

How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

“The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”- Proverbs 18:10

Amy’s Struggle

Julie felt the weight of her grown daughter’s struggles. Tension pressed across her forehead as she rehashed yesterday's conversation with Amy.  Amy had landed a job shortly after college, but then sunk into a depression after her long term boyfriend called it quits. Heartbroken and sad, Amy checked out. She no longer cared for herself, and called in “sick” to work, often. 

As a way to support her daughter, Julie agreed to a nightly check in phone call. At first Julie felt relieved to hear from her daughter, but as time progressed, so did Amy’s complaining. Amy was spiraling into bitterness and hopelessness. 

Julie woke one morning after another fitful night of sleep and prayed, “God, I cannot do this anymore. Amy is exhausting me. Please give me wisdom to support Amy without taking on her emotional load. Give me courage to set some boundaries with Amy because I’m losing myself in the pain. Amen.”  

How About You?

Have you ever faced sleepless nights and days of worried thoughts because your grown child isn’t thriving?

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

The Invitation to Pray

Have you ever had a directive straight from heaven? I heard the Spirit whisper clearly one day, “If you don’t pray for your adult children, who will?”

The impact of that question rattled around in my heart and head. Aside from their grandma, who was praying for our adult children? Besides their dad and I, who was interceding on their behalf? Maybe someone from church? Maybe their pastor? Maybe a few friends or their in-laws? The list seemed quite short in my estimation.

The significance of my “yes” to pray seemed magnified. “Challenge accepted, Holy Spirit!” I whispered.

We often feel unsettled when kids grow up and leave. We see them less often, and we have diminished impact over their choices. They have free will. They get to make their own path. This is God’s will for humanity. God wants our kids to choose Him but He will not force His hand. Instead He lovingly calls them to His heart.

We need to remember we still have influence through our prayers.

It’s a privilege to pray for our adult kids as they navigate relationships, health trials, young marriage, career choices, parenting “littles”, cultural wars, and what they believe about God.

Prayer is one thing we can do for our adult children. It’s an honor and privilege to intercede on their behalf. Prayer is the tool we use to surrender our wishes, and hold fast to the promises of God. Momma, you know how we are as moms. We think we know best and when life with our child doesn’t go how we think it should, we get a little upset. We question God’s goodness, we doubt His presence, and we feel abandoned. 

Prayer is the tool we use to reorient our hearts to God.

Stormie Omartian said it best in her book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children, “Prayer is not telling God what to do. Prayer is partnering with God to see that His will is done.”

More than anything I want God’s will done in my children’s lives. Even the ones who doubt He is real or feel hurt by the church. My continual prayer is they would have a fresh revelation of His great love for them.

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” - Romans 13:10

Oh how we enjoy family time together! 

Our robust family of thirteen is spread across Missouri, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. We gather together two-three times each year. When they were young, I never imagined the physical distance between us. It’s hard for all of us. The kids are constantly bickering about which state is the best to live in and why don’t we all join them there. 

Our adult kids traveled hundreds of miles and descended on our home weary and stiff, but happy to be there, for the long July 4th weekend. Hugs were shared as each family trudged up the front steps with suitcases and a few pets. 

Our normal, tidy home for two, was bustling with chaos and activity. The diabetic cat and the hyper Goldendoodle weren’t too fond of each other. We were vigilant to keep them apart. The coffee pot never stopped humming, and we went through an insane amount of Coke. Each family was in charge of a meal, from grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup. The bathrooms were busy, as the washing machine spun the dirty towels.

My Family Is Just Like Yours

We’re like any normal family. We have different values and beliefs. We say or do things that are insensitive. We get miffed with each other. We have our share of struggles, including mental health, financial, job transitions, friendship despair, philosophical, and religious differences, but we have purposed in our hearts to create a home where our grown kids are loved and welcomed, just as they are. We endeavor to apologize when necessary and listen well.

In her book Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth says this: “Your job is to create a haven relationship, one where your adult kids long to be near you because of how they feel in your presence.” It’s the heartbeat of what we’ve created with our grown children. We want to be a safe space for them. We want them to enjoy being with us. We want to love them as Christ loves us. 

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

 “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a NLT

Tossing and Turning

Julia kicked the covers off, rolled over, and stared at the clock again as frustration grew in her heart. Angrily she thought “Why can’t I sleep???” The orange glow of the digital clock blared 2:30 am back at her as she scuffed because she had tossed and turned for an hour. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. 

She spent an hour thinking about her youngest daughter at college. Fear and worry tumbled through her mind. “What if she gets with the wrong kind of friends? She seems so lonely. What if she dates the wrong guy? What if she makes the wrong choice? Why doesn’t she love God anymore? Where did I go wrong? What if she’s attacked at a party? What if she’s drugged and raped? Goodness that escalated quickly!” she thought. 

Spiraling, she knew she needed to stop. Breathing deep, she whispered, “God, please help me. Give me faith to trust You. Give the ability to understand You are with me and You are my help. Remind me of Your faithfulness. How easily I forget.”

Have you struggled to lean into God’s faithfulness when it comes to your adult child? 

This is often difficult for moms because we’ve always managed their problems. We were the fixers, problem solvers, and rescuers. How do we let go and entrust our children and their problems to our faithful God?

What does it mean when we describe God as faithful?

What do we need to know about the faithfulness of God? 

According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of God's ethical nature. It denotes the firmness or constancy of God in His relations with men, especially with His people. It is, accordingly, one aspect of God's truth and of His unchangeableness. God is true not only because He is really God in contrast to all that is not God, and because He realizes the idea of Godhead, but also because He is constant or faithful in keeping His promises, and therefore is worthy of trust” 

The Bible reverberates with the faithfulness of God. Each story and chapter is laced with examples of His dependability to His children. Even when God’s family disobeyed and rebelled, He was consistently trustworthy. 

Here is a moment where Moses met with God on the mountain. God spoke through a cloud.  The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a

God spoke directly to Moses and what a message it was. He said he was slow to anger, filled with unfailing love, and faithfulness. If God is telling us this Himself, can we not trust Him when He speaks? How can we doubt what He says about Himself? This is proof of His faithfulness, We can settle our hearts on this revelation and rest in peace. 

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Best Blog Posts of 2020

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Best Blog Posts of 2020


For December I’m highlighting some of my favorite posts from 2020. I hope this encourages you.

How to Feel Secure When You’re Upset

As we look at what it means to be secure in Christ, we need to remember it’s not just physically, but emotionally. When the circumstances in our lives are filled with pressure and we feel trapped by pain, loss, despair, or anxiety, there’s a place we can go for sweet relief.

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.”

Psalm 18:19

I’m Emotionally Spent

I’m feeling the weight of it all today. This diagnosis has robbed my husband, Bob, of the ability to speak clearly; his mobility is taxed and his energy drained. Bob’s anxiety shoots through the roof as he wakes up each day with different limitations. Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a thief robbing him of his ability to work, provide, and engage in everyday life.

He retreats to his bed often, spent from emotional and physical exhaustion. Normally, he would push through exhaustion. He’s hard-headed, driven to accomplish tasks, and values hard work, however, his body defies his request to produce.

I’m left carrying the load with our three small children. The days feel long. I want to return to our old lives. This medical nightmare leaves me feeling alone and misunderstood. My days are filled with cooking, cleaning, parenting, and trying to navigate this ever-changing disease with my husband. There are new pressures and stress as we look forward to a disease with no cure. We face doctors who make educated guesses on how to treat the unending symptoms of memory loss, muscle spasms, tremors, and continuous nerve damage.

Each day I sneak away to a spacious place where God rescues me from worry, doubt, and fear. It’s not my reality, but by faith, I can confirm it’s existence. It’s a quiet place where Papa and I meet. I pour out my anguish, lost dreams, and endless trials. I unload my fears for the future, as the weight begins to lift. I rehearse the promises from scripture, and I hold on to hope, even when my reality is hopeless. I meditate on God’s goodness and character.

Being with Him, in this roomy space, helps me focus less on my troubles. Isn’t that the point of this walk with God, more of Him and less of me?

See, I imagine me and Papa in this perfect, expansive spot. This boundless area is void of sorrow and trouble. In my mind, it’s a meadow, full of flowers; the sun shines bright as God whispers His love. Other days I imagine a majestic mountain top, where God has brought me to sit with Him.

He stays with me and holds me. He tells me I’m seen. He speaks of His delight in me, which I can hardly believe because I’m just trying to hold it all together. He says, “Please don’t feel you must hold it all together, that’s my job. Your job is surrender.” I sigh and once again, release control, understanding, and will.

He assures me of His love and compassion in the messy middle of hardship. When I cry, “God, I can’t do this,” He lovingly asks me the same question. “Do you trust Me?” As warm tears roll down my cheeks, I whisper, “I do.”

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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A Series About Forgiveness: You Are Forgiven

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A Series About Forgiveness: You Are Forgiven

This is a story of audacious grace and forgiveness. This is God’s story for my family.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9

Intended for Evil

They argue as the air hangs thick in the house on this steamy August day. Al, my stepdad, retreats to the bedroom; my mom broods in the living room. The bed is a familiar escape for a drunkard. Drink and then you sleep, never able to actually escape what ails you inside.

Arguing is the norm for their relationship and ordinary for most homes where alcohol is king. Darkness descends and swirls all around Al. As he falls into blackness, he releases the clip on the gun. She hears a click from the living room and instead of running away, she walks towards the sound.

As she enters the bedroom, he rolls over in a drunken haze and points the gun at her and shoots. Shock, fear, and adrenaline course through her body. She thinks, “I must escape! Run!” She races into the kitchen, out the patio door, down the deck stairs, and to a neighbor's house. She’s alert, yet in shock. The bullet has gone through her chest. How is she alive?

She calls a friend who runs and grabs me at my job as a waitress. I’m 19 years old, and when an adult runs into your work and says, “You have to come with me right now. Something terrible has happened!” you go immediately. I see the fear in his eyes. My heart stops and I hold my breath as I run out of the restaurant. What am I about to face?

We race across town to find my mom on a gurney being lifted into an ambulance. She’s talking and alert. Terror is all over her face, but she’s alive. I’m simultaneously scared to death and filled with rage for my step-dad. How can this be happening? How is this my life?

My friend drives me to the ER, and we wait. I just want my mom to be safe. I pray to a God I barely know, to beg him to watch over her. I wait in the ER for what feels like hours hoping someone will update me. Everything moves in slow motion. I’m terrified, confused, ashamed, and overwhelmed. What are we going to do? Surgeons perform surgery and are amazed the bullet has only grazed her heart. She is millimeters away from death.

But for God.

My step-dad is brought to jail. The next day he wakes up and realizes something terrible has happened, but he has no memory of it. He asks the jailer why he’s there and crumbles into a heap when the jailer says, “You shot your wife.”

While in jail, Al meets with a man from a local church. They build a relationship and gain trust with each other. After much soul searching and counsel, nearly two weeks after the shooting, Al falls to his knees in repentance; he calls out to Jesus to rescue him and deliver him, and Jesus does. Al never drinks a drop of alcohol or smokes for the rest of his days. He said to Jesus, “If you will save my wife, I’ll serve you the rest of my life.” He is changed in an instant. Now the hard work of reconciliation and restoration would take many months, but it happens, all because of the goodness of God. What happens to my family is miraculous.

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

We are wrapping up our Refining Series today with a powerful story about grief. I met Bekah in an online writing group called Hope*writers and was part of the launch team for her newly published book, Can’t Steal My Joy: The Journey To A Different Kind of Brave. Bekah shares the story of her two sons’ diagnosis with an incurable genetic disorder. In a matter of months, she lost her firstborn, Titus and now battles the disease with her son, Ely. Her book is the most honest portrayal of pain juxtaposed with the hope of Christ. I read her book in one sitting and came away inspired and challenged by her courage through a devastating loss. It’s an honor to share Bekah’s story.

Bekah’s Story

I grew up in the southeastern desert of Idaho at the base of a beautiful mountainscape. And I loved the mountains, but some of my favorite memories growing up came from our vacations to the central coast of California where my grandparents lived. When we visited, we knew we were always in for a fish fry, a Santa Maria BBQ, and trips to the beach.

And oh, how I loved the trips to the beach! We would catch sand crabs and put them in a bucket, watching them burrow back down to safety. I loved walking along watching for the little bubbles that would tell you to start digging because a crab was sure to be under there. I also loved building things out of the sand. Sandcastles, covering ourselves in the sand, making animals. It was all fun. And then we’d watch as the tide would swish in, slowly and surely taking apart whatever we built. I had no idea as a kid, I would one day feel like my life was one such sandcastle getting tormented and destroyed by waves with no control over the matter.

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

I have two stories left to share to conclude the Refining Series.

I was especially touched by Debra’s story. She endured a toxic marriage for many years in hopes he would change. I believe God can restore any marriage if people are willing to change and partner with God. Unfortunately, there are toxic people who don’t want to change. Debra experienced years of pain in her marriage yet allowed God to refine her in the midst of her heartache. It is an honor to share Debra’s story today.

Debra’s Story:

Ten years into my marriage of 22 years, I became aware of my husband’s sexual addiction, same-sex attraction, and acting out.  Through it all, he had kept up an appearance of godliness while engaging in a pursuit of sinfulness. As a Christian, I know “God hates divorce”,  so I would not give up hope of restoring our marriage. I continued to offer grace and forgiveness while facing each disappointment. 

 As years passed, I persevered through the lies and deception.  I always wanted to believe my husband was getting the help he needed and making progress, desiring to heal the brokenness of our marriage. Each time I believed we were on the road to a restored marriage, I would discover more of his ongoing deception.  We continually needed to start over, rebuilding from “ground zero”.  

While attending counseling, small group sessions, marriage classes, and intensive weekend therapy sessions, my nightmare remained a well-kept secret from family and friends. Experiencing the hurt, pain, embarrassment, shame and betrayal of someone, who I thought loved me and loved God, was paralyzing. I remained isolated.  Bearing it alone was a heavy burden, but I continued believing God would heal and restore the marriage, keeping our family intact.  

 My kids were unaware of the issues. They were ages 3 and 8 when things began.  Feeling zombie-like from endless sleepless nights, I was determined to provide stability and wholeness for them.  I worked to keep up the facade of being a happy mom, while on the inside experiencing anxiety and depression. 

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,”                                                                                                                                    -James 1:4

As we wrap up this series, I wanted to talk about one of the most important byproducts of refining: perseverance.  Perseverance does not come naturally, and it’s built into our character by the practice of not giving up. It’s a challenge to persevere because we long for a life of ease and comfort. It’s why we struggle with exercise, keeping our house clean, paying off debt, or working on broken relationships because they all require hard work and perseverance. We can learn to persevere through practice.

My husband and I had been in a health-related trial for many months. My husband was sick, and there was no cure in sight.  I was watching the news one evening and a report came on about pit bulls. The dog owner held up a braided rope with a large braided ball at the end.  The owner hovered it over the pit bulls head and it jumped up and latched onto the ball with its powerful jaws and did not let go. The pitbull hung mid-air latched on to the rope with all its might.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “I want you to be just like that pit bull. You hold on to Me and never let go.” It was a beautiful image of tenacity, and it would become the theme of my days.

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

Today on the blog we’re going to address fear. First off let’s remove the shame because we all struggle with fear. Fear comes in many forms: anxiety, worry, alarm, panic, distress, dread, unease. The challenge is God wants to set us free from it and He will use trials to prove His faithfulness. Even when the worst-case scenario happens, God is near and able to help us in our distress.

“They will not live in fear or dread of what may come, for their hearts are firm, ever secure in their faith. Steady and strong they will not be afraid, but will calmly face their every foe until they all go down in defeat.” Psalm 112:7-8

I had a recurring dream for most of my adult life.  I dreamt I’d given birth to a tiny, premature baby, and the helpless babe would evaporate in front of my eyes.

Gone. My baby was gone.  

I’d wake up after each nightmare convinced I had just delivered a baby. It was otherworldly and scared me to death and filled me with dread. 

Fear is like that: it lurks in our dreams.

Imagine my horror when I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks with our third child.  These were no Braxton Hicks contractions; it was the real deal, and I was terrified. I raced to the doctor's office, and they placed me on a monitor immediately.  The readings confirmed my deepest fear. I was going to deliver a tiny infant. It was too soon. Images from my nightmares flooded my head and paralyzed me. I had never told anyone about the nightmares, and that day I was sure they would come to pass.

I was hospitalized to be monitored and strong drugs were administered to stop the contractions.  The irony was that I was to remain still, while the medicine made my heart race like I was running a marathon.  

The doctors performed tests to see what was causing the extra amniotic fluid.  The Doctor spoke in hushed tones as serious potential outcomes were discussed about the health of our baby. I was sent home for six weeks of bed rest as the goal was to get me to 37 weeks gestation.

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

As part of my Refining Series, I’m sharing Refining stories; stories of women who have wrestled with God, through difficult situations and let Him refine them. They felt the sting of disappointment and have run to God with their pain. In turn, God has revealed more of His character to them.

Today I share a story many are familiar with, the refining from an injury. As much as we wish we wouldn’t get injured or hurt, it happens because we live in a fallen world. But God offers us Himself in these seasons. I pray her words bring you comfort. I am honored to share Rebekah’s story with you.

Rebekah’s Story:

One day early in basketball season, during my junior year of college, a group of teammates talked about how awful an injury, especially a torn ligament, would be.

“That would be awful,” one said. “I don’t know how I’d keep going,” said another.

I don’t know how I’d respond, I thought to myself. I haven’t been injured longer than a day or two.

It wasn’t my experience yet, but it was coming, and I would have a lot to learn in the process.

Midway through that season, during our holiday tournament, I had played well in Game 1, and my performance early in Game 2 set me up well for all-tournament honors. Toward the end of the second game, however, I took one wrong step. No contact from another player, no accident. Just a step and my knee buckled.

I wanted to deny it, but my knee continued to swell, and all the telltale signs were there. I heard the results of my MRI the day after Christmas: I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in my left knee.

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

As part of my Refining Series I will share Refining Stories. Stories of women who have wrestled with God and let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting on disappointment and have allowed God to refine them.

Today I’m excited to share Andrea’s story. It’s a story about the pain of rejection and haven’t we all felt it at one time or another? I pray her words bring your comfort. i am honored to share Andrea’s story with you.

Andrea’s Story:

My pulse raced with excitement as I walked into the sanctuary for the congregational meeting. Nerves were present, but it was mostly an alive sort of feeling. This vote could set me on the course of something I felt driven and called to do! This was forever going to change the trajectory of my life, my career and my faith! I just hadn’t imagined how much it would.

A couple months prior to that moment, I had found myself spending almost all of my free time serving as a worship leader and a youth leader for a little church in my town. Was I officially trained for any of that? Nope. Civil engineering was my full-time day job. Music was just a hobby, and teenagers were honestly kind of a mystery. However, music was what made my heart come alive and was what I could spend hours doing without fatigue. 

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

“... yet not my will, but yours be done.” -Luke 22:42

My husband, the pastor, stepped to the platform on a regular Sunday morning following the music part of worship when the Holy Spirit whispered to his heart, “Your work here is done.”  He was stunned for a second at the timing of the statement, but he gathered his composure and proceeded to preach the message and wrap up the Sunday service. He didn’t tell me about the impression of God for two weeks.

We spent the previous seven years revitalizing a rural church.  God moved the church through a building project, stewardship campaign, implemented a thriving Kids ministry, and brought the Sunday attendance from 40 to 180 under our leadership. Our children were doing well, we had just received a raise, and the church changed the bylaws so we could stay indefinitely.  Our course was set, and we were content.

And just like that, God said we were done.

My husband didn’t tell me right away because he wanted time to process and pray.  I was shocked when he told me. All my dreams of the future were crushed. We would move and need to start all over again.  My heart was weary of starting over, but when we answered the call to full-time ministry, we knew our lives were no longer our own.  We desired to be in God’s will more than anything, and so we began to pray and wait, each day exchanging our plans for His.

Part of the refining process for most of us will involve dying to our wants.  And isn’t it this why refining is so painful? We have a vision, a plan, and a course set out and then suddenly it all changes. Why is change so jarring, and why is surrender so difficult?  Why is it so hard to trust the good plans of God?

How do we set aside our agendas and wants? 

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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Refining Series: Our View of God

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Refining Series: Our View of God

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”-Job 2:10b

 The Refinement of Loss

We were married four years and our son was two when I took the next positive pregnancy test.  I was elated and raced to the clinic to have the blood test confirm the pregnancy, and it did. Baby #2 was on the way and I was especially thrilled because two of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies.  It was a girlfriend's dream come true!

Just hours later I started to bleed.  I frantically called my doctor and he recommended bed rest for the weekend.  I sobbed and worried as my little toddler seemed confused by my sudden bed rest and my husband looked equally bewildered. We felt utterly helpless.

I willed myself to stay still, thinking perhaps if I didn’t move, the bleeding would stop.  I prayed, I begged, and I pleaded with God. I asked for a miracle but the bleeding never stopped. I returned to the clinic on Monday to check the levels in my blood and later in the afternoon, the Dr. confirmed my greatest fear.  Our baby was gone. As quickly as it came, it was gone. The experience left me crushed, broken and bewildered. I assumed God would rescue me, yet He didn’t.

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

As part of my Refining Series, I’ll be sharing Refining Stories; stories of people who have wrestled with anger and disappointment with God.  People changed, rebuilt and rescued by God. Allison, is a special needs mom. I pray by reading her story you’ll be strengthened to continue your own refining season, with the confidence of how God works all the hard things together for good. I’m honored to have Allison share her story.

Allison’s Story

Sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through Pinterest, I heard my husband Ben answer his phone. We’d been waiting on this call for a couple of weeks and my heart constricted tighter and faster listening to his end of the conversation. Though he was mostly nodding and scribbling notes, not saying much, I could tell the results showed something.

Hanging up the phone, he turned to tell me the results: a rare (1 in 100,000 boys) genetic disorder. Three extra chromosomes. A spectrum of possibilities but physical and intellectual difficulties guaranteed. Apraxia. Hypotonia. Possible heart issues. Anxiety. Recurring pneumonia. Of course, our pediatrician advised us not to Google the syndrome, and of course, I didn’t listen.

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may be pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” -Philippians 2:14-15

I used to be such a good sleeper. I’d hit the pillow exhausted from chasing my five kids around and wake up refreshed early the next day ready to tackle the world again. I required eight hours of sleep for optimal productivity. But the past few years insomnia has become my unwelcome nightly companion.

Lately, I’ve been waking up at 3 am, and I lay there wide awake, flipping and flopping with thoughts rolling through my brain. “How’s this going to work?” “When am I going to get that done?” “What if…?” It usually lasts until 4:30 am and the alarm goes off at 5 am or 6 am depending on my work shift. I wake up frustrated from my lack of sleep, and I know I have a choice to make. I can choose to thank God the night is over and perhaps I’ll sleep better tonight, or I can complain and whine all day about how tired I am.

I wish I could say, I always choose the way of praise and thanksgiving. I do not. I can get pulled into the vortex of negativity, just like anyone else. But it doesn’t take long for me to be disgusted with myself as Holy Spirit whispers, “There’s a better way to handle your frustration and weariness.”

Do you ever notice when you complain, it invites everyone around you to join in too? People gather in their break rooms, near the water cooler, or over cups of coffee and try to convince each other who’s situation is worse. It’s all quite dismal when you think about it.

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