“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”-Psalm 56:3-4

Desperate Situations

I reached for my phone, as Moriah’s name appeared on the screen.  “I need to get out, mom,” she said resolutely.  I sighed a prayer of relief. I rearranged my schedule and drove the four and half hours to help her pack. Thoughts rolled through my head, on the tedious drive, as I flung desperate prayers to heaven. God please, let him not be there. Please help us get her packed quickly.  Please heal her broken heart. Fear and relief marched side by side in my mind. 

We huddled in the closet of her loft apartment in downtown Des Moines. The concrete floors were cold beneath us, indicative of the mood, as Moriah riffled through her clothes.

Hot tears streamed down her face, as anguished cries escaped her mouth.  “I’ve ruined everything. My life is one big disappointment!” 

I sat beside her, heartbroken and afraid. What can I do? What should I say? These questions raced through my head as my daughter prepared to leave an unhealthy relationship. I waffled between resentment and hopefulness. 

I felt satisfied with her determination to acknowledge and respond to the red flags in her relationship.  But at that moment, I  was certain my heart would break for her vulnerable state. “You are the bravest young woman, I know.” I choked. 

I held her tight, willing her to receive some of my strength. God met us there, on the frigid floor.  She may not have recognized it, in her pain, but He buoyed me, as my heart sank. I had never experienced this depth of powerlessness with my child.  I doubted my skills to handle it well. I was desperate for Godly wisdom.

Oh, how I wanted to rescue and fix her all those months. We had conversations about his behavior and what it meant. Deep down, I resented him, but I simply said, “if you stay, it will be hard.” I could not tell her to leave because it was not my place. She had to realize the complexities of her situation and make her own decision.  By the grace of God, she did, as courage welled within her.  

Midlife momma, our children will face situations where we will want to fix and rescue. We will want to scream, “Don’t do that!” but in this phase with our kids, we must hold our tongues. This will be the season we cling to God.  We will trust Him. 

Here are three ways we can trust God:

• Release all desire to fix or rescue: This is part of letting go. Our adult children have the freedom to make their own choices. There are lessons they must learn on their own. If we continually rescue or try to fix them, we squelch their growth. We can’t trust God and cling to or want to control our adult child. Releasing them is the ultimate step of faith. ”The Lord is good to those who depend on him,  to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26

• Meditate on the truth of who God says He is in His Word:  Now, more than ever, it’s imperative to keep our thoughts focused on who God is, instead of rehearsing our adult child’s difficult situation.  No amount of worry or fear will change anything.  We will  simply be miserable. But when we meditate on the character of God and understand His greatness, we are able to trust Him. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, ...Psalm 91:1-16

• Partner with God through prayer: Prayer is simply communication with God.  We practice restraint by not telling our kids what to do.  Instead, we have an ally with our Mighty God.  We release our fears and exchange them for hope, as we stand on the promises.  There’s nothing more powerful than a mother’s prayers for her child, no matter their age.  But, we don’t obsess or demand anything of God.  We pour it all out and we trust Him to do what’s best.  This will usher in the peace we long for.  “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Midlife momma, you will stand on the sidelines as you watch your adult child struggle.  Resist the urge to rescue and instead draw strength from God. We must trust He’s at work in our adult child’s life.  Let Him have His way.   As you release, pray and meditate on His attributes, you will experience God’s peace. 

Dear Papa, I need to trust You with my adult child’s difficult situation.  Help me resist the urge to fix or rescue them.  Teach me how to let go and instead help me cling to You.  Renew my mind with the truth of who You are. Give me the discipline to talk to You instead of worrying about my child.  I want to trust You more. Amen.

I’ve created a free guide for you, “Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child.” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.