The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

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The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

Has holiday planning with your adult children increased your stress levels and you’re barely into November?

Maybe you can relate to Julia’s story:

Julia settled into her comfy chair with her morning coffee. Worry bubbled forth as she imagined what the holidays will look like this year. Her oldest, John, won’t be home as he’s heading to his wife's parent’s home. “I’ll never get used to sharing my child with another family,” she thinks, “I just don’t like it.” 

Her middle daughter, Elizabeth, won’t commit to plans. “Why can’t she just communicate with me? It’s so frustrating,” she sighs. “She seems annoyed with us all. We’re hardly even a family anymore. Why does it all have to be so stressful,” she wonders.

Connor, her youngest, will be home from college. “He never seems to want to be with us,” she thinks. “He’s always running around with his friends. I feel lonely and forgotten.” 

 “Lord, I need you. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want our holidays to be stressful. I give everyone and everything to you. Please help me,” she whispered, as peace washed over her soul.


Mom Stress

Preparing for the holidays has never been easy for moms. Most of us have carried the mental weight of holiday planning for decades and the stress continues as our children reach adulthood. 

We all face many of these common stressors:

  • Sharing our married children with their in-laws.

  • Step-families and the juggling that requires. 

  • Tension in our adult children’s relationship with each other.

  • Our children have abandoned the religious views of their upbringing. 

  • No one in our families pitches in for meal prep and cleaning.

  • Our adult children are resistant to making family plans.

Talk about stress. No wonder we dread this time of year. It feels like too much, and we’ll just be disappointed again.

What if there was a way to shift our thinking? Could we adopt a healthier view, so we don’t end up crushed and disappointed? How could our holidays look if we entered them from a posture of surrender? 

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NL

Connecting with God


The sun bursts forth as my hubby and I head out for our early morning prayer walk. There’s something powerful about talking to God about our adult kids. Our five offspring are all out of college, four are married, and they are all pursuing careers they enjoy, and yet they all have struggles. Just like any family, ours deals with financial stressors, physical pain, sickness, mental health, relational strife, cultural wars, parenting issues, and managing adulthood well. This is all part of being human. Our kids will always have stressors, but we must respond with faith.

Moms have two options: worry relentlessly about our kids, or pray for them, releasing it all to God, allowing Him to have His way in their lives. As we stroll each morning, we lift our kids to God. He certainly knows what they need more than we. Each prayer is an act of surrender and a way to restore peace to us. Most of the stressors belong to our adult kids. They need to figure them out. We are here to love and support as they navigate adulthood with their own resources. 

My husband and I know that apart from God we are nothing. With God all things are possible. What a privilege to rely on Him as we release our adult kids to His capable hands. Blessed assurance rises in our souls as we pray.

How about you? 

Have you leaned into your relationship with God even more now that you’ve gently released your child into adulthood?  I often hear moms say, “I need God now more than ever before. It was so much easier when my kids were young.”

We want to cling, hold fast to old routines and familiar patterns and all the while God says, “Let them go and cling to Me. Everything you need, I have provided. I’m here. I’m for you. Move a little closer and let me show you I’m trustworthy.”

God waits for the weary, worried mom’s arrival. He’s ready to assist her as she pours out her anguish and fears and then remembers who He is to her.

Jesus uses the teaching from the vineyard to show us what it means to have a living breathing relationship with God, where we cultivate our union and bear fruit because of our connection with God.  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NLT

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How To Trust God

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How To Trust God

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”-Psalm 56:3-4

Desperate Situations

I reached for my phone, as my Moriah’s name appeared on the screen. “I need to get out, mom,” she said resolutely. I sighed a prayer of relief. I rearranged my schedule and drove the four and half hours to help her pack. Thoughts rolled through my head, on the tedious drive, as I flung desperate prayers to heaven. God please, let him not be there. Please help us get her packed quickly. Please heal her broken heart. Fear and relief marched side by side in my mind.

We huddled in the closet of her loft apartment in downtown Des Moines. The concrete floors were cold beneath us, indicative of the mood, as Moriah riffled through her clothes.

Hot tears streamed down her face, as anguished cries escaped her mouth. “I’ve ruined everything. My life is one big disappointment!”

I sat beside her, heartbroken and afraid. What can I do? What should I say? These questions raced through my head as my daughter prepared to leave an unhealthy relationship. I waffled between resentment and hopefulness.

I felt satisfied with her determination to acknowledge and respond to the red flags in her relationship. But at that moment, I was certain my heart would break for her vulnerable state. “You are the bravest young woman, I know.” I choked.

I held her tight, willing her to receive some of my strength. God met us there, on the frigid floor. She may not have recognized it, in her pain, but He buoyed me, as my heart sank. I had never experienced this depth of powerlessness with my child. I doubted my skills to handle it well. I was desperate for Godly wisdom.

Oh, how I wanted to rescue and fix her all those months. We had conversations about his behavior and what it meant. Deep down, I resented him, but I simply said, “if you stay, it will be hard.” I could not tell her to leave because it was not my place. She had to realize the complexities of her situation and make her own decision. By the grace of God, she did, as courage welled within her.

Midlife momma, our children will face situations where we will want to fix and rescue. We will want to scream, “Don’t do that!” but in this phase with our kids, we must hold our tongues. This will be the season we cling to God. We will trust Him.

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The Best Blog Posts of 2020

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The Best Blog Posts of 2020

For the month of December, I’m highlighting my favorite posts from 2020. This one is about learning to calm the chaos and overwhelm so we can hear God’s voice. Enjoy!

Overwhelm All-Around

The alarm jars me from a deep sleep. I groan and roll-over, fully aware of my schedule ahead. How am I already tired when the day hasn’t started? I reach for my comfy robe, grab a cup of coffee, and head to my spot. You know, the place I meet with Jesus in the morning. I imagine peace and joy but I’m met with frustration and anger. I try to quiet my racing thoughts. “Focus,” I tell myself. “You can deal with it later. It’s time to concentrate on God.”

Even my quiet time with God feels forced. Where’s the comfort and connection I crave? I’m feeling empty and spent. I wonder if God is disappointed in me?

I get the kids up and breakfast ready. We leave half-eaten bowls of cereal lining the counter as I scoot them out the door with dad. He’ll tell lots of bad dad jokes and they’ll blare the Journey soundtrack on the way to school. It’s the most they’ll see of him, as he’s a pastor and has lots of things to do. There are always meetings, planning, people in crisis, strife to handle. It never ends for a pastor and his wife. Balancing the logistical needs of a large family with the needs of the church is a whole thing in and of itself.

As I wave them out the door, my mind lands on the challenges my kids, these five cherubs ranging from preschool to high school, are facing these days. How in the world do I have a child in every age range? We’re dealing with growing pains, emotional distress, friendship trouble, homework stress, and bullies at school. The issues are similar, but our kid's ages require different approaches when parenting them through these issues.

I gather the abandoned bowls and rinse them off as I go over my to-do list for the day in my head. Each kid has their own schedule to keep and homework to get done. There are the drop-off and pick-up schedules to mind and dinner to make. Should I tackle laundry first or work on my Bible study for discussion tonight? Oh, wait, I have a dance meeting at four! The little girls have dance rehearsal, Keenan has a concert, Moriah is heading to Sam’s house and Caleb will want to go hang out with a friend after school.

I feel the tightness in my neck and notice my shallow breathing. A wave of low-grade anger simmers below the surface. I’m not mad at people, I’m just frustrated my schedule is so crazy.

I’m overwhelmed by the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of those around me. Really, I’d just like to escape.

Calm the Chaos

The busy days of kids at home are long gone, but I’ll never forget the feelings of overwhelm I lived with most of the time.

Our endless “to-do” list, unrealistic expectations, need for perfection, and limited capacity, leads to overwhelm.

Overwhelm manifests as racing thoughts, tightness in our chest, and weary bodies. We feel this immense pressure.

These past weeks we’ve been talking about hearing God’s voice, but this is very difficult for a person who is overwhelmed. The only voice we hear is the one that screams, “You’re not enough.” “This is too hard.” “Everyone is counting on me.” “If I say ‘no’, they’ll be disappointed in me.”

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