“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”-John 15:12

Not So Loving

It was a regular day at the church office. I’m tucked behind the desk in the front. My husband, Bob, the lead pastor has the office in the back and Adam, our worship leader has the middle office. It’s a small space, and you can often overhear conversations. 

Bob is at my desk with me, and we are quietly arguing about something. We approach life very differently, but sometimes I believe my way is the best way and vise versa. He wants to be right and so did I. Conflict arises when neither of us refuses to budge. You might say we’re both a little stubborn. It’s become a pattern in our marriage, one that I’m not proud of. 

Adam walks by and casually says, “Wow, you guys, do you have to bicker so much?” It wasn’t cruel, or judgmental, just accurate. The statement stops me in my tracks. 

Thud! My heart sinks.

His statement is like a punch to the gut, and the first time I realize my communication with my husband is unprofessional and unhealthy. Our kids notice it as do our coworkers. The desire to defend myself rises, but I remain quiet and think, “he’s right.” I feel embarrassed and convicted to make some changes.

Most couples like to pretend in front of others. They keep the squabbles behind closed doors, but Bob and I are both strong and not afraid to fight for our opinion. We don’t harbor resentment; we “duke it out” at the moment and then move on and trust all is well in our relationship. We realize that’s not the norm. 

What we fail to realize is this pattern is not helpful to those around us as it does nothing to show the love of God. It makes people feel uncomfortable like they’re somewhere they shouldn’t be. Our communication is rooted in selfishness, stubbornness, and pride. All the things Christ asks us not to be.

God Is Love

How we love others is a reflection of God’s love. A healthy marriage is a picture of God and His beloved church. How we love our children and spouse is a reflection of God’s love for us. If we aren’t doing that well, what does that say about how we understand God’s love? Is it lacking? Are we not feeling loved, therefore we can’t extend love to others?

I don’t ask for perfection or performance, just an honest assessment of our behavior towards others.  If we bear the image of God, do our actions reflect it? Kindness, patience, commitment, faithfulness, gentleness are part of God’s character. If we love God, it makes sense our character will reflect these attributes too. 

God is love and those who love Him spill love unto others.  As we wrap up this month of February let’s think a little about how loving we are. We are more able to love others when we experience God’s love first? 

“We love each other because he loved us first.”- 1 John 4:19

All love flows from God because He is love and He loved us first. God’s love restores us, helps us put our selfish ways behind; it strengthens, sustains, and guides. Love is a gift from God to be shared with those near us. 

I learned a valuable lesson from Adam that day. Love isn’t selfish and it doesn’t demand to be right. I can let some things go with my husband and choose love instead. I can love those closest to me because God loved me first.

Dear Papa, Help me be a vessel of love to those around me.  Help me understand all love comes from You and flows from Your goodness.  Help me be loving to those closest to me. Help me understand the way I love is a reflection of Your love.  Help me know Your love so I can extend it to others. Amen.

Are you still struggling?

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