4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

 “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a NLT

Tossing and Turning

Julia kicked the covers off, rolled over, and stared at the clock again as frustration grew in her heart. Angrily she thought “Why can’t I sleep???” The orange glow of the digital clock blared 2:30 am back at her as she scuffed because she had tossed and turned for an hour. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. 

She spent an hour thinking about her youngest daughter at college. Fear and worry tumbled through her mind. “What if she gets with the wrong kind of friends? She seems so lonely. What if she dates the wrong guy? What if she makes the wrong choice? Why doesn’t she love God anymore? Where did I go wrong? What if she’s attacked at a party? What if she’s drugged and raped? Goodness that escalated quickly!” she thought. 

Spiraling, she knew she needed to stop. Breathing deep, she whispered, “God, please help me. Give me faith to trust You. Give the ability to understand You are with me and You are my help. Remind me of Your faithfulness. How easily I forget.”

Have you struggled to lean into God’s faithfulness when it comes to your adult child? 

This is often difficult for moms because we’ve always managed their problems. We were the fixers, problem solvers, and rescuers. How do we let go and entrust our children and their problems to our faithful God?

What does it mean when we describe God as faithful?

What do we need to know about the faithfulness of God? 

According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of God's ethical nature. It denotes the firmness or constancy of God in His relations with men, especially with His people. It is, accordingly, one aspect of God's truth and of His unchangeableness. God is true not only because He is really God in contrast to all that is not God, and because He realizes the idea of Godhead, but also because He is constant or faithful in keeping His promises, and therefore is worthy of trust” 

The Bible reverberates with the faithfulness of God. Each story and chapter is laced with examples of His dependability to His children. Even when God’s family disobeyed and rebelled, He was consistently trustworthy. 

Here is a moment where Moses met with God on the mountain. God spoke through a cloud.  The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a

God spoke directly to Moses and what a message it was. He said he was slow to anger, filled with unfailing love, and faithfulness. If God is telling us this Himself, can we not trust Him when He speaks? How can we doubt what He says about Himself? This is proof of His faithfulness, We can settle our hearts on this revelation and rest in peace. 

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We Were Never Meant To Fill Every Moment With Constant Activity

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We Were Never Meant To Fill Every Moment With Constant Activity

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him.” -Psalm 62:1

Busy Blocks
Mel pulled out a notebook with a tidy graph of her daily schedule. She didn’t buy a planner like most; she made her own. It was brilliantly color coded with blocks for each time increment and the slots filled in with assignments, projects, and meetings.There was a rare open space. She was an Education major with a taxing course load. Mel was organized, focused, and capable. She was the residence hall’s assistant director where I served as a resident advisor.

I was impressed with her organizational skills. I paid attention and watched her every move. She was a kind, gracious leader. I learned everything about planning from her. Seeing her system made me come alive. It made sense to me. I, too, adopted precision and skill in ordering my days. At a glance, I could see what was required of me for the day, each week, and month.

The more squares were filled, the greater my anticipation. Those little color coded slots drove me! They pushed me to excel.They led me to over-schedule and overbook. As long as a slot was open, then that meant I was available.

I kept this unrelenting pace for years. I said yes to everyone and everything. I said yes because I could, because I had capacity. However, I never left room for rest, and I didn’t leave time for God in those early years of walking with Him. I was more concerned with my busy schedule.

Can you relate?


Welcome Margin

We were never meant to fill every moment with constant activity. We are not machines. We are humans with frail bodies and limitations. Why do we think we can push hard and not have devastating effects?

Our busy days leave us stressed-out and anxious. Like a tired, hungry child we tend to lose it and freak out at those we love the most. The solution to our harried pace is called margin.

I’m not talking about profit margin, but margin as it relates to boundaries. We create margin in our lives by building space around the busy. We plan a little room to breathe, pause, and refresh. We cannot be driven by those color coded squares. When we plan with margin, it refuels us and gives us the ability to continue. Margin is the space where we release technology, we put away our to-do list and we rest. Our days don’t require a lot of margin, but a little dose is helpful.

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How Sabbath Rest Restores Us Physically and Spiritually

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How Sabbath Rest Restores Us Physically and Spiritually

Welcome my friend, Rachel Fahrenbach to the blog today. Rachel has been on a journey to discover what true rest looks like for her and her family. She just wrote a book about it. Rest and Reflect, a 12 Week Guided Sabbath Journal is the help you didn’t know you needed. The journal takes you through weekly prompts to help you understand your identity and the beauty of Sabbath rest. You guys, rest was God’s idea!!! It’s okay to rest!

WORN OUT
I can’t remember what shoes I was wearing, but I do remember the clutter on the floorboard of the truck at my feet: the plastic bag of items to return to Hobby Lobby, the wrappers from the Lara bars we had eaten quickly on the way to church stacked in a pile to be tossed later, and my purse tossed into the truck with my frustration. They are clear in my memory, as clear as the memory of the clutter of emotions I felt that day.

I had stormed out of our small church angry with every person sitting in the pews and retreated to our truck to wait for my husband to emerge from the congregational meeting. The sun had warmed the passenger seat, but instead of relaxing into that comfort, I continued to sit on edge mulling over the ways I felt overwhelmed, stressed, taken for granted, rejected, and forgotten.

Eventually, the warmth from the sun did it’s trick and I fell asleep. Because the truth was, while I was angry with a decision that had been made by our church’s leadership, I was mostly just tired in more ways than one.

Unfortunately, that moment was just the beginning of a three-year-period in my life where I lived in a constant state of exhaustion, and that exhaustion robbed me of a stabilizing peace and joy. It would be easy to blame my exhaustion on having three kids under 5 (one of which was an adopted newborn), but the truth was that life just got hard from that point on. I was exhausted in every sense of the word. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I was a mess. A tired, worn out, joy-less mess.

SABBATH REST

From time to time, I would get moments to myself. These times of self-care and soul-care helped, but they were always over with too soon and only sustained me for so long. So, when the conversation about Sabbath was brought up during our small group (at a new church we had finally settled into), I was more than ready to have it. I felt the need to stop and rest in my very bones but I didn’t know how to do it. The world seemed to be falling apart in seven days, so how in the world was I going to keep it together with just six? I was barely holding it together as it was, if I stopped even for a moment, I thought that I would become so far behind it would be catastrophic.

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How To Feel Less Weary With God

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How To Feel Less Weary With God

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live lightly and freely. Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Endless Work

Jessica arrives at church when the Pastor taps her on the shoulder and says, “Hey, Amy didn’t show up for nursery today. Can you do it?” “Of course,” she quips but inside she feels a little resentful. “They’ve asked me again. Why can’t they ask someone else?” she thinks.

She runs through her mental checklist of chores she needs to do this afternoon before her small group meets tonight. She has impeccable standards for her home. Everything is organized and in place. She cannot rest until everything is perfect. Deep down, she’d love to take a nap, but there’s not time for rest today.


She’s capable, driven, and likes to control outcomes. She believes the heart of loving God is to serve. She’s more comfortable doing things for God than being with God. Shame makes her hide behind her service for God. She’s afraid God will be disappointed in her if she shows up as herself. She feels she’s not enough.

Secretly, she is resentful of the other women who don’t do as much. She’s weary and burned out, tired of striving to earn God’s love. There must be more to this relationship with God, she thinks. She needs to reframe what it means to love God.

A Look At Weariness

We’re shifting gears on the blog for the next few months as we look at the issue of weariness. Everywhere I go I meet Christian women who are utterly exhausted. No wonder their connection with God is minimal. They’re completely spent and have nothing left to give to Him. They work, serve and try hard to earn God’s love and favor but never learn to relax in God’s presence. They carry shame and believe their service to God replaces their connection with God.

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” -Hebrews 13:5

We’ve all felt the longing for more of God, and when the distance between us has widened, it hurts. How is it God is both within us and all around, yet He feels so far off some days? If He never changes and promises His presence with us always then it must be about our proximity and awareness of Him.

About a decade ago, I sat amongst a group of church leaders, dutifully listening to the speaker. The day had gotten long, and I was eager to retreat for the evening. The speaker quoted a prominent national youth leader, and I never forgot the statement.

“If God seems far away, go back to where you left Him.”- Jeannie Mayo

I sat with the statement and mulled it over. It was the first time I truly understood that my connection with God was my responsibility. It wasn’t my church’s, my spouse, or a matter of circumstance. If God seemed far away, I was the one who moved, not Him. All I had to do was simply go back to where I left Him. Does this resonate with you, reader?

Somehow, in the church, we’ve gotten this wrong. We toss God aside as we elevate our service to Him. I’ve noticed most Christian women are content doing things for God instead of being with God. The busyness and service make us justify the distance because we’re doing _________ for God and surely He’s pleased with our service.

Sweet friends, God wants you. He loves you and cherishes being near you. He hopes for life-giving conversations about all the things that matter to you. His love is poured out in the context of relationship and connection. His character is revealed, and His purposes are laid out as you meet with Him. There are things God wants you to know about Him, your life, and your future.

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Vulnerability Leads Us to Deep Connection With God

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Vulnerability Leads Us to Deep Connection With God

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge.” - Psalm 62:8

Honest Prayers

I’m in my usual early morning spot with God, curled up on my pretty orange bird chair. I’m tucked under a blanket with a cup of coffee, my Bible, and my journal. I carry deep sadness today. I had a challenging night with pain. I awake with another headache. It goes up the back of my head and lands on my forehead. It feels like hot coals on the inside. I must have slept weird again. Why or why can’t I train my body to land the right way when I’m sleeping, so I don’t wretch my neck? I try to massage the knots, but they never go away.

I want a good night’s sleep. I want the pain to end. Six years of pain feels unbearable, especially from a car accident that isn’t my fault. A distracted driver rear-ends me, and I’m stuck with endless ache. I still see the two young men laughing as I look in the rearview mirror after impact. Today, it feels like too much to bear.

I don’t talk to God about my pain lately. I have in the past, but His silence and inactivity keep me from bringing it up. It seems like my prayers for relief have bounced off the ceiling for years. But today, I’m weary. I don’t think I can do this anymore.

So, I bravely pour out my frustration with prolonged suffering. I release my anger and sense of abandonment. I voice my contempt as hot tears fall. “Why won’t you rescue me, God? I believe in Your power! I’ve seen You do miracles and yet You do nothing for my pain! I read through the New Testament of Jesus’ miracles and His compassion towards the sick. When is it my turn? When will You turn and be gracious to me? Why God? Why?”

It’s like a release valve is opened as I honestly talk to God about my disappointment.

I sit quietly and catch my breath. Piles of crumpled Kleenex rest on my Bible. Instead of feeling abandoned, I feel relieved. It feels good to get it off my chest. Sweet peace settles over me and I hear God speak.

I hear His gentle voice, “I’m so glad we’re talking about this. I like it when you tell me how you feel. You don’t have to hide a thing from Me. Pour it out. I’m here.”

I’m learning to receive God’s grace in my most vulnerable places. I don’t have to hide my emotional or physical discomfort from Him anymore. I’m taught to trust His ways.

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How Gratitude Helps Us See God More Clearly

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How Gratitude Helps Us See God More Clearly




“I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart.” - Psalm 9:1

Glory All-Around

I wait for my morning coffee to finish brewing as I open the large blind in my living room picture window. I look past my cozy front porch to the horizon. I gaze through the neighbor’s yards and in the distance, God’s glory breaks forth. The dawn greets me with brilliant shades of pink and purple wisps.

What is it about a sunrise that captures my soul each day? It’s newness, it’s life. The darkness is pushed back and God is simply showing off for me. I hear Papa whisper, “I’m here. I’m with you. I hold this day and everything that will happen. I’ll never leave you.” The beauty is arresting as the light filters through low-lying clouds. All I can do is say, “thank you, God.”

My first inclination each morning isn’t to grab my phone or rush headlong into my endless “to-do” list. I want to create space and remove all clutter that keeps me from God. The first thing I want to do each day is to experience God. I’m on the lookout for His presence.

I whisper my thanksgiving and make an earnest attempt to remain in gratitude. I capture the sunrise image on my list as a reminder of God’s faithful presence. I make a habit of recording my thanks so my vision of God remains focused and pure, untainted by the cares of this world.

Gratitude Makes God Greater

Gratitude doesn’t deny our hard places; it simply reorients our hearts to the greatness of God.

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How Longing Leads Us Closer to God

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How Longing Leads Us Closer to God

I stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you as a parched land.” Psalm 143:6

Going Through the Motions

Jackie arrives early at church to prepare to teach middle school kids. She loves their energy and adolescent angst. As she finishes up the early morning class, she rushes to the sound booth to run the slides for the morning service. Outwardly she feels relaxed and competent making sure all the behind-the-scenes work runs smoothly, but inside she feels dull.

She squirms in her chair as the pastor preaches. She knows she’s making some decisions that don’t line up with the Word. She remembers the old slogan, “What would Jesus do?” Her face is downcast as she knows He isn’t pleased with her choices. She continues the charade but knows her heart is far from God.

She remembers the early days of knowing Christ. Her eyes are open to the wonder of His love as she reads His Word. Her heart is moved as tears roll down her cheeks. She talks about Jesus with her coworkers and family. They don’t always understand her newfound passion, but they appreciate her simple faith. Now she’s going through the motions, and God seems far away. How did I get here, she wonders?

Her relationship with God is lukewarm. She loves Him but doesn’t quite know how to connect with Him. She views her service to Him as her highest calling. She needs to prove she’s worthy of His love. But deep down she’s dissatisfied. Her prayers go unanswered. She can’t remember the last time she read her Bible. God seems far off, and she wonders there must be more to this relationship with her Creator. She’s afraid to move too close to Him because He’ll probably be disappointed in her.

She longs for the old days when she felt close to God.

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How to Enrich Your Appreciation of the Bible

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How to Enrich Your Appreciation of the Bible

Teach me your decrees, O Lord; I will keep them to the end.” Psalm 119:33 NLT

As we finish up this series of Five Attributes Needed for A Close Connection With God, we end up having a hunger for God’s Word. Have you ever thought about your relationship with the Bible and the impact it has on your loving union with God?

Early Morning Annoyance

I wake early and plop down in my favorite chair with my cup of morning coffee and messy bed hair, ready for my morning rhythm with God. Immediately I pay attention to my heart, and it feels heavy and worn out. I’m physically exhausted and spiritually bankrupt. I’ve given and given and served till it hurts, and I feel weary.

I reach for the Word that brings typically comfort, but today I’m annoyed. I’ve been reading the Bible for decades. “What new thing could I find”, I scoff in my thoughts. That’s the problem with my personality; as an Enneagram 7, I have an insatiable appetite for the new shiny thing. Anyone else gets easily bored? I hate it, but it’s the way I’m wired, and today I need help. The combination of weariness and boredom can lead me ever searching for excitement. Today I receive a thrill straight from God’s Word. Reading this one chapter changes my view of the Bible forever.

I’m in Psalms, one of my favorite chapters, and I stumble upon Psalm 119. This is no small feat to read as it contains an unusually large amount of verses, 176 to be exact. I slowly start reading, then turn the thin page again and again, and as I read, I feel my heart expand.

Psalm 119 is written by King David, and it is an intimate conversation between him and God about his desire to stay close to God and keep the Word. David cries out to be taught by God and to revere the Word. The Word is called many different things in this psalm: precepts, law, decrees, promises, commands, truth, teaching.

Reading this psalm opens my eyes to the wonder of the Word and all the goodness within. It helps me realize my greatest connection with God will come through His Word. It’s the letter God’s written to us to reveal Himself, as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It’s a source of life and truth, to help me understand God more clearly. My spirit is renewed as my attitude shifts to the glory of God’s Word. I now make it a regular practice to read Psalm 119 because it lights a passion in my soul each time I’m reminded of the power of God’s Word.

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How to Taste God's Goodness

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How to Taste God's Goodness

We are finishing up the final attribute needed for a close connection with God: a hunger for God’s Word. Have you ever thought about your relationship with the Bible and how that impacts your connection with God? We’ll be talking about it all month on the blog. Today day I’ve invited a dear friend, Sarah Butterfield, to share a beautiful piece she wrote about how to taste God’s goodness. You’re going to love this.

How to Taste God’s Goodness

When we moved to France when I was seven, my mom discovered that peanut butter was an American product. She searched high and low in every grocery store, determined to find that quick and easy lunch spread. One day, she came home with a tin can: she had finally found peanut butter in a specialty grocery store, imported from North Africa! She opened it with a can opener and although the stuff inside was hard to spread, it tasted fine.

The French preferred their Nutella, a snack my mom only gave us as a dessert. Our French friends would scrunch their noses in disgust when my mom talked about peanut butter. “You mean a butter? Made from peanuts? Ew!”

One Sunday at a church potluck, my mom made a chocolate cake. For the frosting, she whipped together equal parts Nutella and peanut butter. Our French friends loved it and raved about the frosting. My mom waited until everyone had finished their slice before revealing that there was peanut butter in the recipe!

In high school, I met Liz. She had grown up in Jakarta as a missionary kid, and she was in love with peanut butter. I had never met a bigger fan. She put it on rice, on noodles, on chicken even! Liz was the one who told me to try peanut butter with apple slices. I was skeptical, having only heard of peanut butter on bananas or celery stalks. She cut up a green apple and topped it with a dollop of peanut butter in a bowl for me. An unlikely combination I thought. But, not wanting to offend, I took a bite, and my world was opened wide. The cool, crisp tartness of the apple alongside the smooth, savory peanut butter was a revelation. I became an instant fan. That was the year I also discovered pretzels and peanut butter, so you could say that it was a time of tremendous personal growth.

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How To Have An Intimate Connection With God

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How To Have An Intimate Connection With God

“As for me, the nearness of God is our good: I have made the Lord my refuge.” -Psalm 73:28


Observation

As a newlywed and young Christian, I am hungry for the things of God. I didn’t grow up in the church, nor do I have mentors or family members to guide me in my relationship with God. My greatest influencers are the people I attend church with. I quietly begin to observe people in our church. My motive isn’t to judge, it’s seemly to glean what it means to love God. I’m curious about how to be a young woman who serves God. There are a couple of women who stick out to me: Angie and Elizabeth.

Angie is a happily married mother of three. She works outside of the home and volunteers at church. The phrase she uses most often is, “I’m so busy!” She carries tension in her face and rarely smiles. Chatting with her in the foyer is typically rushed and filled with distress. She seems tired, bitter, and overwhelmed. It looks like she needs a break, but she rarely takes one as she busies herself in the body of Christ.

Then there is Elizabeth. She is close to retirement age but she acts like she’s thirty. She is petite and wears the latest fashion trends. Her kids are grown and she has grandkids, but she also calls me “kid” like I’m one of hers. It’s the sweetest term of endearment. It doesn’t matter if you’re four or fifty-five, she’s going to call you “kid!”

She smiles easily and has an irresistible twinkle in her eye as she speaks. It’s like she knows a secret. She is loved by everyone and oozes Biblical knowledge and grace. She shares her struggles and trials openly. Her life is accessible to all as she shares her pain to encourage others. She points me to Jesus every time I talk to her. I can’t wait to be in her presence.

She serves endlessly as the church but has a lightness about her. Joy, peace, and grace flow from her tongue. She never uses the phrase, “I’m so busy” as she slows to minister to young and old each Sunday. She pauses and prays for you in the hallway or offers an encouraging word. She talks to God with honesty and conviction. She believes God will answer her prayers. She’s the kind of woman I want to be.

For the first nine years of our marriage, Elizabeth became my dear friend and mentor. She hangs out with me at my house and we talk about marriage, parenting, and the goodness of God. I glean wisdom and insight on how to relate to God. I listen to her rattle off Bible verses with ease because she walks in truth. She gives me a love for the Word.

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The Best Blog Posts of 2020

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The Best Blog Posts of 2020

For the month of December, I’m highlighting my favorite posts from 2020. This one is about learning to calm the chaos and overwhelm so we can hear God’s voice. Enjoy!

Overwhelm All-Around

The alarm jars me from a deep sleep. I groan and roll-over, fully aware of my schedule ahead. How am I already tired when the day hasn’t started? I reach for my comfy robe, grab a cup of coffee, and head to my spot. You know, the place I meet with Jesus in the morning. I imagine peace and joy but I’m met with frustration and anger. I try to quiet my racing thoughts. “Focus,” I tell myself. “You can deal with it later. It’s time to concentrate on God.”

Even my quiet time with God feels forced. Where’s the comfort and connection I crave? I’m feeling empty and spent. I wonder if God is disappointed in me?

I get the kids up and breakfast ready. We leave half-eaten bowls of cereal lining the counter as I scoot them out the door with dad. He’ll tell lots of bad dad jokes and they’ll blare the Journey soundtrack on the way to school. It’s the most they’ll see of him, as he’s a pastor and has lots of things to do. There are always meetings, planning, people in crisis, strife to handle. It never ends for a pastor and his wife. Balancing the logistical needs of a large family with the needs of the church is a whole thing in and of itself.

As I wave them out the door, my mind lands on the challenges my kids, these five cherubs ranging from preschool to high school, are facing these days. How in the world do I have a child in every age range? We’re dealing with growing pains, emotional distress, friendship trouble, homework stress, and bullies at school. The issues are similar, but our kid's ages require different approaches when parenting them through these issues.

I gather the abandoned bowls and rinse them off as I go over my to-do list for the day in my head. Each kid has their own schedule to keep and homework to get done. There are the drop-off and pick-up schedules to mind and dinner to make. Should I tackle laundry first or work on my Bible study for discussion tonight? Oh, wait, I have a dance meeting at four! The little girls have dance rehearsal, Keenan has a concert, Moriah is heading to Sam’s house and Caleb will want to go hang out with a friend after school.

I feel the tightness in my neck and notice my shallow breathing. A wave of low-grade anger simmers below the surface. I’m not mad at people, I’m just frustrated my schedule is so crazy.

I’m overwhelmed by the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of those around me. Really, I’d just like to escape.

Calm the Chaos

The busy days of kids at home are long gone, but I’ll never forget the feelings of overwhelm I lived with most of the time.

Our endless “to-do” list, unrealistic expectations, need for perfection, and limited capacity, leads to overwhelm.

Overwhelm manifests as racing thoughts, tightness in our chest, and weary bodies. We feel this immense pressure.

These past weeks we’ve been talking about hearing God’s voice, but this is very difficult for a person who is overwhelmed. The only voice we hear is the one that screams, “You’re not enough.” “This is too hard.” “Everyone is counting on me.” “If I say ‘no’, they’ll be disappointed in me.”

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Best Blog Posts of 2020

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Best Blog Posts of 2020


For December I’m highlighting some of my favorite posts from 2020. I hope this encourages you.

How to Feel Secure When You’re Upset

As we look at what it means to be secure in Christ, we need to remember it’s not just physically, but emotionally. When the circumstances in our lives are filled with pressure and we feel trapped by pain, loss, despair, or anxiety, there’s a place we can go for sweet relief.

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.”

Psalm 18:19

I’m Emotionally Spent

I’m feeling the weight of it all today. This diagnosis has robbed my husband, Bob, of the ability to speak clearly; his mobility is taxed and his energy drained. Bob’s anxiety shoots through the roof as he wakes up each day with different limitations. Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a thief robbing him of his ability to work, provide, and engage in everyday life.

He retreats to his bed often, spent from emotional and physical exhaustion. Normally, he would push through exhaustion. He’s hard-headed, driven to accomplish tasks, and values hard work, however, his body defies his request to produce.

I’m left carrying the load with our three small children. The days feel long. I want to return to our old lives. This medical nightmare leaves me feeling alone and misunderstood. My days are filled with cooking, cleaning, parenting, and trying to navigate this ever-changing disease with my husband. There are new pressures and stress as we look forward to a disease with no cure. We face doctors who make educated guesses on how to treat the unending symptoms of memory loss, muscle spasms, tremors, and continuous nerve damage.

Each day I sneak away to a spacious place where God rescues me from worry, doubt, and fear. It’s not my reality, but by faith, I can confirm it’s existence. It’s a quiet place where Papa and I meet. I pour out my anguish, lost dreams, and endless trials. I unload my fears for the future, as the weight begins to lift. I rehearse the promises from scripture, and I hold on to hope, even when my reality is hopeless. I meditate on God’s goodness and character.

Being with Him, in this roomy space, helps me focus less on my troubles. Isn’t that the point of this walk with God, more of Him and less of me?

See, I imagine me and Papa in this perfect, expansive spot. This boundless area is void of sorrow and trouble. In my mind, it’s a meadow, full of flowers; the sun shines bright as God whispers His love. Other days I imagine a majestic mountain top, where God has brought me to sit with Him.

He stays with me and holds me. He tells me I’m seen. He speaks of His delight in me, which I can hardly believe because I’m just trying to hold it all together. He says, “Please don’t feel you must hold it all together, that’s my job. Your job is surrender.” I sigh and once again, release control, understanding, and will.

He assures me of His love and compassion in the messy middle of hardship. When I cry, “God, I can’t do this,” He lovingly asks me the same question. “Do you trust Me?” As warm tears roll down my cheeks, I whisper, “I do.”

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How To Have A Pure Heart With God

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How To Have A Pure Heart With God

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit with me. Psalm 51:10

My Shattered Heart

I pull myself out of bed this early winter morning, groping for coffee, and slump into my favorite chair. I need this time with Papa while the house is still quiet. I tell Him all about the “mean people” in my life. I feel like a child tattle-telling to the teacher. I pour it out, all of it, as angry tears roll down my cheeks. It feels good to get it off my chest. I don’t pretend with God as He and I are open about everything.

I scan the Word for some truth that will penetrate my wounded heart. I’m too distracted by my pain. Nothing from the Bible is speaking to me so I slam it shut. I sit weepy and angry before God, secretly dreaming of how God will handle them. I feel a deep sense of injustice rising in my bones. Their behavior and judgments are laced with Pharisaical pride.

As I’m dreaming about how God will handle them, I hear the Spirit whisper, “this isn’t about them, this is about you.” I’m jostled back to my senses as Papa continues with these gentle words. “You are not responsible for their behavior, you’re only responsible for how you treat them.”

Well, Papa might as well punched me! But He is right. I’m responsible for the behavior and attitude that flows from my heart. God asks us to pray for those who hurt us. He even says to love our enemies. My heart sinks because I know it’s true.

In this tender moment, I ask God to create a pure heart in me. One that honors Him and does what He says, even when it’s hard and especially when I don’t want to. He reassures me that He will handle them as well, without my help. It’s shocking how God doesn’t need my help with others. The truth be known, I am only responsible for myself and my heart.

Our Heart Condition

In addition to humility, the next thing we need to look at is the state of our hearts. How does the condition of our hearts affect our connection with God and His ability to teach us? Only the pure in heart will see God. What does that mean for us when don’t always have the purest motives before God? What is the heart anyway?

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Don't Be A Know It All With God.

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Don't Be A Know It All With God.

“Teach my Your way, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.” Psalm 86:11 NLT

The next attribute we’ll focus on as we grow in our intimacy with God is having a teachable spirit. In order to feel closer to God, we need a stance of surrender and a moldable, teachable heart.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

* Am I teachable?

* Am I a “know it all”?

* Do I recognize the areas of my life that need growth and healing?

* Am I blind to the true state of my heart?

* Have I let apathy creep in so I’m content with the distance between me and God?

Hungry to Learn

I listen intently as the teacher talks about sanctification. He’s dressed in a suit and tie. He’s authoritative and strong, yet he has a warm smile. Everyone else in the room wears their Sunday best. He’s a wise man in our church, and the room is filled to capacity with eager learners of all ages. He stands in front of a large whiteboard filled with scripture and terms. I don't think I’ve ever heard the term sanctification. I’m new to Christ, and I’m hungry for knowledge. I know nothing of the Bible or principles of the Christian faith. I just know my life has changed, and I long for restoration and growth. It’s all-new, the terms are unfamiliar, but I soak up all the goodness, like a thirsty child drinking from the garden hose on a hot summer day.

I flip through my new Bible with the tabs because I’m not familiar with where the books are located. I feel child-like, filled with wonder and awe about all the things I can learn about God. The wise teacher asks questions, and I listen to the banter, hoping someday to contribute. My heart is set towards God, and I want to learn. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to contribute to the discussion. Not today. For now, I’m comfortable being a student at Jesus’ feet, learning and growing in grace and knowledge. Teach me Lord, is the cry of my heart as I read the Word and continue to study.

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Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

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Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

“We come closer to God and approach him with an open heart, fully convinced that nothing will keep us at a distance from him.” -Hebrews 10:22 TPT

Honest Conversation With God

It’s late afternoon, in early spring, as I peer at the clouds outside my window. The grey day amplifies the dreariness in my heart; I cannot shake the sadness, as melancholy has is my unwelcome companion. My sunny disposition is buried in the loss of people, comfort, and health.

We are four weeks into the pandemic, and I have only left the house once a week for groceries and once a week on Sundays to go record the live stream message with my hubby, the pastor.

I crawl into my favorite chair in my office. I wrap myself in a cozy blanket, and I weep. The floodgates open as I unload my grief. I don’t even recognize it as grief, at first. I miss people. I miss connection and conversation. I’m worried about our grown kids. Will my elderly parents with fragile bodies survive this pandemic? I am also overwhelmed by the political upheaval in our nation. I pour out my sadness to Papa.

I don’t have to pretend with Papa. He already knows everything that’s going on inside. He doesn’t judge me or condemn me. I hear Him whisper, “Go ahead and cry, Honey. I’m right here. I know this is scary and unfamiliar. I know you miss all your people immensely, but I’m here, I’m with you. I’ll help you through this.”

I feel the warmth of God’s peace as real as my cozy blanket. I’m going to keep coming back to this place whenever I’m overwhelmed. Papa’s love calms me best. I’m glad I can be honest with Him. I’m thankful for His loving-kindness towards me in my pain.

God is Safe

There is nothing blocking us from being close to God because Jesus covers our shame. We are safe with God. He allows us to draw near with the full assurance of His love. The Father is happy to see us, but He’s not looking for the cleaned-up version of ourselves. He wants us to be “real.” He’s not looking for the Sunday morning, mask-wearing version. You know, the one that is polished, perfect, and says “I’m fine!” That version rarely draws near to God.

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2

As we move forward with learning to be vulnerable to God, we must talk about how shame affects our relationship with our Creator. Shame keeps us from connection with God.

My Companion, Shame

I arrive early to high school and hear a commotion in the gym. I quietly open a side door so as to not draw attention and peer inside. The gym is filled with excited students, all standing at different tables with the State signs lifted high. It’s Student Council elections and oh, how I wish I was amidst the crowd of students. I’m organized, competent, and friendly, all the qualities necessary for leadership, but no one knows that about me.

Shame won’t allow me to join. Shame has been my constant companion for many years ever taunting me, crushing my heart, and making me feel small and worthless. She’s like a heavy, itchy coat I need to take off, but she keeps me safe, ever hidden, never exposed. She also hinders my ability to connect or belong.

Shame speaks loudly and harshly, filling my mind with words of condemnation. “You’re not good enough.” “If only they knew.” Shame belittles and lies. But I’m not strong enough to recognize the lies, so I continue to wear the uncomfortable coat.

Shame shapes every interaction I have with people. It makes me afraid to try new things for fear of rejection. Oh, how I resent those who are fearless. See, shame tells me I must pretend as I plaster on the smile and the optimistic outlook. Can they see the sadness behind my eyes? Is my brokenness amplified in their brave confidence? If they knew what was hidden inside, they’d want nothing to do with me.

Shame tells me I’m flawed, there’s no good in me. I imagine these kids in the gym come from beautiful families, where a peaceful conversation is held around the dinner table. They don’t go to sleep listening to the alcoholic step-dad arguing with their mom. If they knew what my home was like, they’d reject me, so instead, I hide.

Meeting Jesus at age twenty-one changes everything. I’m told He bore my sin and shame Himself. He literally took it for me. Jesus bore my shame on the cross, so I can draw near to God. God sees me as beautiful, cherished, lovely because Jesus stands between me and God. Jesus covers the ugliness of my sin and shame. It’s the best news I ever heard.

Brene Brown says, “People who aren’t good with vulnerability are usually really good at shame.”

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

“Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”- Psalm 51:6

Vulnerability With God

As we grow in our intimate connection with God it’s important to learn to be vulnerable with God. Some believe vulnerability makes us weak or feel out of control. Others are afraid to be vulnerable with God because shame tells them they are not worthy. The truth is vulnerability is the gateway to connection.

When I was going through a particularly stressful season in our ministry life, I learned about the vulnerability of King David as described in the Psalms. David’s words are raw, honest, almost painful in their vulnerability. He pours out his heart to God like nothing I’ve ever seen. He would become the model I used for my relationship with God.

Let’s look at an example: Psalm 142:1-7

“I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him, I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge. No one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion, in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”

David is experiencing deep sorrow. He feels abandoned and in need. He feels emotionally exhausted and weak, but instead of hiding from God, he runs to God and pours it all out. There’s no hesitation, or mask. David feels seen, understood, and heard. He then goes on to declare the goodness of God. What a beautiful way to relate to God.

In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says this about vulnerability:

“Our rejection of vulnerability often stems from associating it with dark emotions like fear, shame, grief, sadness, and disappointment-emotions that we don’t want to discuss, even when they profoundly affect the way we live, love, and work. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

“I stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you as a parched land.”- Psalm 143:6

The place we need to start in order to feel closer to God is our longing. Most of us have buried it deep beneath our overextended schedules and our religious activity. When you have the courage to bring longing out in the presence of God, you will have a beautiful connection.

Empty

I sit in the early morning, coffee in hand, Bible opened, notebook ready to record my thoughts, and I feel empty. Warm tears fall as I pay attention to my soul. I’m weary from serving everyone and everything. I’m a pastor's wife, a mother of five, a volunteer, an employee, a friend, a parent stretched from all the kid’s activities. The weight of ministry demands coupled with the busy family has wrung me out.

I don’t know how to say “ no.” I overestimate my capacity then feel bitter when I have no margin in my days. And where’s God in all this hustling? He seems far away. Our relationship has gone cold. I’ve lost the wonder of sitting at His feet and embracing His heart. I’ve become too busy doing things FOR Him instead of sitting WITH Him. I need to make some changes. Longing is stirring within and I need to pay attention.

When was the last time you felt it-your own longing, that is? Your longing for love, your longing for God, your longing to live your life as it is meant to be lived in God? When was the last time you felt a longing for healing and fundamental change groaning within you?” -Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

Honestly, if I hadn’t read Haley Barton’s book I couldn’t have told you it was a longing that was stirring. I’d pushed my longing aside. It was buried deep, and I left no room for it to come out. It was hidden beneath my busy schedule and my service for God. It wasn’t safe to face my longing because I wasn’t sure anything would change. I faced my longing once and nothing came of it. The thought of being disappointed again made me want to keep my desires quiet. Instead, this time, I took the brave step and brought my longing out in the presence of God, and it was life-changing.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

e been thinking about this woman a lot. Maybe you know her?

She loves God. She’s walked with Him for many years, but she’s tired. She’s tired of the same old relationship. She keeps trying to work her way to Him by doing all the right things. She’s diligent but utterly frustrated. Deep down she feels empty but doesn’t know what to do.

She Loves God, But He Seems Distant

She loves God, but He seems distant and she can’t figure out why. She’s gone through her mental checklist:

  • I’m serving Him by giving of my time, gifts, and finances. Check.

  • I attend church regularly. Check.

  • I throw up some prayers in the morning. Check

  • I try to get along with my husband. Check.

  • I’m raising these kids the best I know-how. Check.

  • I try to read the Bible. Check.

    Yet, after doing all these things for God, she’s not quite connecting with God. She reads her Bible, but there’s no wonder jumping off the pages. She can’t always relate to the stories or understand how they apply to her. She tries to listen for God’s voice, but mostly she hears the lies of condemnation and shame, or she hears nothing at all. This reinforces her lack, which causes her to move farther away from God.

    She’s praying about things: deep things, hard things, and yet it feels like her prayers bounce off the ceiling. She’s begged, pleaded, even bargained with God, and still, He doesn’t answer her prayers the way she wants, so she assumes He’s mad at her.

    She longs for something deeper and richer but is frustrated with how to get there. The formulas fall flat, the awe of God is gone. She feels alone, isolated, and disappointed in her relationship with God.

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