Six Biblical Ways to Improve Communication and Restore Connection in Empty Nest Marriage
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“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6
Communication can strengthen a marriage or create distance, especially during the empty nest season. After years of parenting, many couples struggle to reconnect in meaningful ways. Without kids in the house, conversations can feel routine or strained.
We must rebuild trust and connection through meaningful communication as we settle into our empty nest marriages. There are many advantages to this season of life. We have freedom in our schedules as we’re not schlepping kids around anymore. We have years of shared history that bind us together. Let’s celebrate what God has done through the years.
We need an extra measure of grace and honesty from each other. It’s okay to say to our husbands, “I miss us. I miss the closeness we used to have. I want to be better together. Can we work on this?
God’s Plan for Marriage
God designed marriage to be a lifelong partnership filled with love, grace, and understanding. If you and your spouse want to deepen your connection, these six biblical principles will help you improve communication and build a stronger, more joy-filled relationship.
1. Prioritize Intentional Conversations:
With the kids out of the house, it’s easy to slip into routines without real connection. Set aside time daily—even just 15 minutes—to talk about more than schedules and to-do lists. Ask, How’s your heart today?
My husband came home from a conference and asked me, “How’s your heart?” And I never felt more seen. It was an invitation to share whatever was on my heart, the good and the bad, the hopes and frustrations. I started asking him the same question, and it took our communication to a deeper level.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6
2. Practice Active Listening:
It’s one thing to hear your spouse; it’s another to truly listen. Make eye contact, put the phone down, and reflect back what they’re saying. “So what I hear you saying is…” can go a long way toward deeper understanding.
The reality is most of us are lousy listeners. We focus on our response instead of listening to understand where our mate is coming from. “So what I hear you saying…is a most life-giving practice.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19
3. Embrace Grace and Forgiveness:
Years of marriage come with habits, misunderstandings, and, yes, occasional frustrations. Be quick to extend grace. Instead of assuming the worst, ask, What did you mean by that? before reacting.
When we make assumptions about our spouse’s motives, we usually misunderstand. Instead, ask, What did you mean by that? So you can’t misinterpret what your spouse is saying to you.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
4. Have Fun Together Again:
Laughter is one of the best communication tools. Reignite shared interests, go on spontaneous dates, or simply reminisce about funny family moments. A joyful heart fosters open conversation.
The empty nest is a season for fun. You and your spouse spent decades building your family and your careers. Now it’s time to invest in each other through having fun. Plan a trip or a weekend away. Pull out a game or have friends over for dinner. Stop being so serious about everything and rekindle the joyful connection you had when you first met.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22
5. Use “I” Statements Instead of Blame:
Sometimes, we blame our spouse instead of sharing our honest feelings. This will likely cause our husbands to shut down and flee. Any hope of meaningful communication is lost. Instead of blaming try this:
Rather than saying, You never listen to me, try, I feel unheard when we talk about tough topics. This shifts the focus from accusation to understanding.
“I feel” statements remove blame and allow you to be honest about complex topics. When you combine active listening with “I feel” statements, you’ll be able to be compassionate communicators.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” – Ephesians 4:29
6. Seek Wise Counsel if Needed:
There’s no shame in getting help when communication fails. It’s wise to understand your communication style is not working, and you need some outside help. Whether it’s a pastor, mentor, or Christian counselor, seeking guidance can be a powerful step toward deeper connection.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22
There are many ways to improve communication and reconnect in empty-nest marriages. Each tip requires grace, gentleness, and honesty. When we take deliberate steps to improve our communication, we feel more content in empty-nest marriages.
Let’s pray.
Dear Papa, I want to have healthy communication with my husband so we can feel connected. Give me wisdom, courage, and discernment to practice these steps. Give me extra grace as I learn to communicate better with my husband. Change me on the inside so I can love my husband well. Amen.
Still struggling?
Are you feeling distant in your relationship with your husband?
Is there unresolved conflict?
Do you find yourself being critical of him?
Would you like to partner with God through prayer to improve your connection with your mate?
The Marriage Awareness Worksheet is filled with powerful questions from Empty Nest Coach Pamela Henkelman, which you can ask yourself. This thoughtful exercise is just between you and God. With a bit of vulnerability and an open heart before God, you'll become aware of the minor adjustments you can make to experience a more harmonious marriage.
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