Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31


Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

  • Why God?

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • What will others think of me?

  • What if they experience complete separation from God?

  • How can we get along when we disagree?

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Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

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Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

The First Moments Without Them

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then took one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I as thoughts rolled through our minds and tears spilled. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. 

After 30 years of active parenting our five kids, our nest was empty. “What in the world would we fill our time with now that we weren’t running to their school activities.” I wondered.  I looked over at my husband as he wrapped his strong hand around mine. “It’s just me and you now,” I whispered. He looked at me with his warm hazel eyes and said, “I know baby, it’s gonna be okay.”

Our nests are empty! 

Most moms will come to this moment in their motherhood and will feel the weight of it. The journey with our children nearby has ended. Our normal rhythms are tossed aside. Suddenly, we can focus on our marriage and that can feel wonderful, or terrifying depending on how healthy our marriages are. 

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

I Couldn’t Say “No” to Hair Dye

I tilted my head forward to get a better view of my hair’s part-line.The new salt and pepper growth was a stark contrast to the chestnut brown dyed hair. “Ugh, I can’t do this!” I murmured. Who was I kidding? I’d been chasing that demarcation line for 15 years, shackled to that box of hair dye. Today, I said, “No more!”  I scheduled an appointment with my hairstylist. 

I’d been dreaming about having mid-length silver hair since I was 35 years old. I couldn’t wait to embrace my salt and pepper phase. I was going to be one of those amazing silver foxes. I even saved a photo on my phone for a decade. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to do it. 

The years went by and I didn’t have the courage to abandon the dye. I still had kids in school; I needed to wait. “It’s too soon,” I thought, until one day, it wasn’t!  At age 51, I was ready! Those first three months, I fixated over my new hair growth. I felt judged by other women with their shaming glances, as they noticed my broadening demarcation line.

At six months in, some people noticed and said, “Oh, you’re letting your natural color come in. It’s beautiful.” Each month, my confidence grew. Turns out the whole world wasn’t as fixated on my changing hair as I was. I grew out my gray for another six months, then chopped it off to a chin length bob and my journey was complete. Easy, peasy.

Isn’t it sad I didn’t say “no” to hair coloring sooner? I wasted all those years feeling pressured to look young.

Why We Can’t Say “No”

How about you? Have you ever wished you could say “no” to something but you didn’t have the guts to do it?

Most women have a hard time saying “no.” We’re conditioned by our people-pleasing tendencies. We don’t want to impose on anyone, all the while we become a little more resentful because we end up doing things we really don’t want to do. 

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Mastering Grace: Nurturing Relationships with Adult Children

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Mastering Grace: Nurturing Relationships with Adult Children

 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” - 2 Corinthians 12:8

Mastering Grace

What mother doesn’t want a healthy thriving relationship with her grown children? It’s what we dream of, right? We want connection, to be noticed, valued, and loved. Our adult children want that, too. 

Mastering grace takes practice, prayer, self-awareness, and reliance on God. It means we approach our adult children differently than when they were young and under our roof. We will falter and fail. We’ll say too much, or ask too many questions. We’ll want to rush in and fix or rescue instead of allowing our children to problem solve for themselves. We’ll forget they are separate from us and stand before God on their own now. They are free to make their own choices and that might scare us the most. 

Grace is what we need.

Grace Through Weakness

One of the most popular verses about grace is found in 2 Corinthians 12:8 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” The context of the passage is how Paul had a thorn in his flesh that he asked God to remove. Scholars differ on what the thorn was, either sickness or a group of people trying to stop him from spreading the gospel. 

Paul prayed for God to remove this thorn and God did not. It’s then we see God answers that His grace is all you need. His power works best in weakness. God is saying Paul’s human weakness was an opportunity for the power of Christ to work through him by God’s grace. 

How does this impact a mom with adult children?

It means that when we feel ill prepared, or struggle on how to adapt in our role as a mother with adult kids, Christ empowers us do it well. If and when we feel frustrated or overwhelmed, we realize in our weakness, God’s grace comes through to help us nurture a healthy relationship with our children. Instead of berating ourselves for our weakness, we praise God for His help.

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