Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31


Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

  • Why God?

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • What will others think of me?

  • What if they experience complete separation from God?

  • How can we get along when we disagree?

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7 Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

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7 Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children


“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it will be yours.”-Mark 11:24

If you don’t pray for your adult child, who will?

These words were whispered to my heart, by the Holy Spirit, one morning as I sat with God. The velocity of the truth ripped through my soul. It got me wondering about who was actually praying for my children.  Perhaps my married children’s spouse’s did. Perhaps close friends. Maybe friends from their small group. Certainly my husband prayed for them and their grandma interceded on their behalf. Probably my son and daughter in law's parents prayed for our kids. 

 What about my grown children who weren’t walking with God? Who’s praying for them?

The Spiritual Folks

 We want the more spiritual folks to do the praying: the pastors, pastor’s wives, spiritual leaders, and missionaries.They know exactly what to pray and how to pray it. We feel more comfortable agreeing with their prayers.  We want to believe our children are supported through prayer, but in reality, the list is probably quite short. 

 If I’m one of the few people praying for my grown children, how does that impact my prayer life? It got me wondering:

  •  Could prayer be my first response instead of my last resort? 

  • What if I stepped away from formal prayers and just talked to God about what was going on in my grownup kid’s lives? 

  • What if I released control and surrendered it all to God?

  •  What would it look like if I exchanged my worries for confidence in God?

  •  What if I replaced doubt with faith?

  •  What if I allowed a mustard seed of faith to grow concerning my offspring? 

  • What if prayer were the antidote to distress?

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Finding Peace in the Empty Nest: The Power of Relying on God

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Finding Peace in the Empty Nest: The Power of Relying on God

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8

Assurance from God

Julie stood at the kitchen window as the morning sunrise revealed it’s glory of oranges, pinks, and purples. She breathed in the beauty and offered quiet praise to God. “Thank you Lord, for your presence. Thank you for being with me today. How I need you so. Please be with me in all I do. Amen,” she whispered in her heart.

 Her formerly bustling house was reduced to crickets now that the kids were gone. Each morning at the sink was the reminder she needed that God wasn’t done yet. There were good things ahead for her in her empty nest. 

Are you needing reassurance in your empty nest?

God is ready to help you find peace. 

When our children grow up, there is a natural transition in our relationship with them. We loosen control as our kids venture into the world. It starts in their teens as we let them have a little independence. We monitor their activity then see how they do. If they respond well to freedom, we give them more. If not, we reign them in until they can prove themselves trustworthy.

This continues through college, as we release them to live separately from us. We no longer have control over their day to day, or their political, religious, or cultural views. But we have guardrails around them, as they return home each summer and still rely on us financially.

There comes a point where they become truly adult: they have their own jobs, homes, perhaps a spouse and children and responsibility for their finances, social circles, and beliefs. We still influence them from afar, but they are solely responsible for running their own lives.

In the empty nest, our identity is no longer tied to our motherhood or whether our kids thrive or not in adulthood. That’s not on us. Our grown children are responsible for their own success.  

Cling to God

Instead of holding on to our kids, we are invited to cling to God.

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8 

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How to Reconnect with Your Partner After the Kids Leave Home

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How to Reconnect with Your Partner After the Kids Leave Home

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”- Matthew 19:6


Lonely Evenings

Elizabeth scurries about the kitchen while she waits for her husband, Dave to come in from the garage. Frustration bubbles to the surface as she thinks “I worked all day too, why can’t he help me cook dinner?”  

She imagines another awkward evening at the dinner table with just the two of them. “It was so much easier when we were distracted by the kids,” she thinks. “Now I feel more alone than ever.” 

Sure, they’ll talk about work, but nothing really important. Dave will say a few words then retreat to his chair to watch sports while I read another book. They will spend another lonely evening together. “This is not how I imagined it to be.” Elizabeth thinks, “ Everyone says the empty nest is amazing, but mostly I feel sad and disconnected. How am I ever going to find my way back to my husband?” Liz wonders. 

Marital Satisfaction

How about you? How satisfied are you in your empty nest marriage?

Marital satisfaction can decline rapidly in the empty nest, especially when women feel disconnected from their mates. We want more in our empty nest marriages. We want it  to be more than two lives lived separately. We long for emotional intimacy, mutual satisfaction, and a fresh vision for our marriage. We dream of legacy and impact, not criticism, fault-finding and boredom.

What do we do if our empty nest marriage looks nothing like we imagined? 

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Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

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Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

The First Moments Without Them

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then took one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I as thoughts rolled through our minds and tears spilled. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. 

After 30 years of active parenting our five kids, our nest was empty. “What in the world would we fill our time with now that we weren’t running to their school activities.” I wondered.  I looked over at my husband as he wrapped his strong hand around mine. “It’s just me and you now,” I whispered. He looked at me with his warm hazel eyes and said, “I know baby, it’s gonna be okay.”

Our nests are empty! 

Most moms will come to this moment in their motherhood and will feel the weight of it. The journey with our children nearby has ended. Our normal rhythms are tossed aside. Suddenly, we can focus on our marriage and that can feel wonderful, or terrifying depending on how healthy our marriages are. 

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Ten Proven Tips for Handling Tough Conversations with Your Adult Child

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Ten Proven Tips for Handling Tough Conversations with Your Adult Child

With any great dish, we need the right mix of ingredients for the recipe to turn out well. The same goes for our conversations with our adult children, especially when it involves difficult topics. 

You can’t hope it goes well. When we are haphazard with our words and actions, we create tension and stress in our relationships. Our bond is broken and bitterness can invades our union.

 When we prepare well and keep a few principles in place, we can navigate a difficult topic with confidence. Our relationship remains intact. In fact, it might even be stronger when we’re finished because we’ve kept these guiding principles in mind:

1.You must be courageous.

   When I work with my coaching clients, they are often plagued with fear, when it comes to discussing difficult topics with their children. They end up not having the conversation and their relationship fails. 

When you ask God to fill you with courage, He will. He is faithful. You never go into any difficult conversation alone. The Holy Spirit is present to give you confidence and strength. Don’t wait to be unafraid; move forward in spite of any nervousness you feel. 

The Big Question: How could your relationship improve if you had more courage?

2. You need to choose the right timing.

    Avoid having important conversations when either of you are distracted, tired, or hungry. Be courteous and thoughtful. However, don’t be hyper vigilant thinking everything has to be perfect or you’ll never have the conversations. Be mindful of the season of life, work habits, and your child’s emotional capacity, before you have the conversation.

The Big Question: Is there anything going on that would be a hindrance to this conversation?

3.  You need to practice effective listening.

   Your job is to listen to understand. You want to fully engage by not trying to think of what you’ll say next. Instead, listen for the unspoken, nonverbal cues too, so you have a complete picture of what your child is saying.

The Big Question: What could be a positive outcome of you listening well?

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Why Difficult Conversations with Your Adult Child Strengthens Your Relationship

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Why Difficult Conversations with Your Adult Child Strengthens Your Relationship

 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. - James 1:19

Avoidance Tactics

Elizabeth stared out the window as she drove with her husband to the grocery store. She ruminated over a missed opportunity with her youngest daughter, Mackenzie. Instead of feeling courageous, she shrank into fear and avoided a hard conversation with Mac. 

She noticed her daughter talked less about God. Mac was a junior in college and she rarely attended church. Her once loved Bible was untouched on a shelf in her childhood bedroom. She always had an excuse not to attend: work, a college project, or weekends away with friends. Mackenzie declined whenever mom invited her to church too.

 Elizabeth wanted to bring it up, but she was afraid of offending her daughter. Everytime she tried to talk about it she would shrink back, fearing she didn’t have the right words.

 Deep down she didn’t really want to know why Mac had walked away from God. She felt like a failure as a mom. It was easier to remain at surface level with her daughter instead of wading in deep. “What if she rejects God forever,” Elizabeth thought. “I couldn’t bear that.” 

Avoiding the topic made Eliabeth feel far away from her daughter. All she was left with was a gaping hole in their relationship. “There has to be a better way,” she thought.  “It’s time we talked about it.”

Have you ever tiptoed around a conversation with your adult child?

We worry about not having the right words. We don’t want to come across as overbearing  or close-minded. Often we feel inadequate knowing we need grace and kindness as we approach the subject. We understand we can’t become defensive, but we don’t know what that looks like.

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