Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children
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Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! - Romans 12:16 NLT
Kids Return to the Nest
”They’re here!” hubby said, as we ran out on the porch, undeterred by the blustery December winds. Bekah and Ryan jumped out of the car and grabbed their frisky puppy, Bea. Bob helped them haul in their luggage while we exchanged hugs on the porch. “Hey Beautiful Girl," I whispered, “It’s so good to have you home.” Exhausted after their seven hour drive from Missouri, we plopped down on the living room couch to relax.
Grandsons, Teddy and Gus arrived bright eyed and ready to go with mom and dad in tow. Had they grown another inch? I wondered. Moriah swept in with her cat, Desmond, and the mischief level in the house rose exponentially. Caleb and Ashia were the last to arrive from Minnesota. We wrapped them in warm hugs. Forrest and Keziah had a short three hour drive. They schlepped baskets of laundry and bright smiles.
I soaked in the goodness as I surveyed the room. Our kids were all home together, and it was the sweetest feeling: a mixture of nostalgia and pride. They’re all grown. Our work is done and now we connect as friends and peers. Sometimes I’m shocked we’re at this stage already. Wild, busy children gave way to real adults. The transformation is stunning.
“When are you going to buy a sectional mom?” Moriah quips! Every single time the kids come home that’s what they ask. Sheesh! Yes, our living room is a little cozy for 13 people, but I don’t even care. “Get over it,” I winked, secretly hoping we can get a sectional one day.
A Stress-Free Holiday
How do we manage a household of adult kids who have differing views and perspectives? How do we handle difficult conversations with grace and truly enjoy our time together? How do we make room for apologies and tenderness when tensions rise? How do we handle schedules and meal prep so mom isn’t exhausted?
We find our cue from a letter Paul wrote to the church in Rome. “Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!”- Romans 12:16 NLT What does it look like to live in harmony with our adult children? For us it looks like empathetic listening, refraining from advice giving except when asked, and unconditional love for all. It means walking before our kids with humble hearts, willing to listen to their perspectives. A know-it-all causes strife, and we don’t want that when our kids are home.
How about you? What could your holidays look like if you were a little more realistic and less perfectionistic? What can you do to live in harmony with your adult children?
Four Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday Season:
1. The Holidays don’t have to be perfect:
Where did we get this idea that every holiday had to be an over-the-top-grand, impactful, Pinterest worthy event? Real life isn’t like that and the pressure to make it perfect for everyone adds stress to the whole family. What if instead we tried to create meaningful moments of laughter, shared memories, and honest conversation. What if we relaxed a little and just allowed ourselves to be together as we are. Perfection belongs to God only. The pursuit of it surely leads to our ruin. Instead, relax and enjoy your favorite people. Take the pressure off and settle into the joy of being together.
2 . Understand everyone’s opinion matters:
At their core, the holidays are about celebrating God’s goodness with family. Since families are made up of several people, we want our families to understand that their opinions matter. It’s always beneficial to listen to one another. Have important conversations and practice mutual respect. This looks like compromise, flexibility, and empathy. Make sure that the family isn’t bowing to the wishes of one person. Allow everyone to have a say in the holiday plans.
Come up with a plan of what everyone wants to do when they are home. Create lots of space for relaxation and down time. Families are exhausted and most of us just want to “chill” together. Create a comfortable environment when your kids are home.
3. Share in Planning & Prep:
There’s nothing more exhausting than a mom who has to do all the holiday cooking, planning, shopping, wrapping and managing. The best decision we’ve ever made is to invite our five adult kids to help with meals when we’re all home together. I make a group note and share it to everyone and each adult kid picks a meal and purchases groceries, cooks, and cleans it up.
Shared responsibility helps the workload be managed by everyone instead of just the parents. We have the most fun planning and celebrating the meals each adult child has provided.
4. Be unoffendable:
How could our holidays look if our families chose not to be offended by each other? What if instead of rolling our eyes, or feeling upset, we offered grace and chose to guard our emotions. What if we exhibited a level of self-control and we just let difficult words roll off instead of stinging our hearts and causing emotional upheaval?
When we become unoffendable we learn to focus on the good in front of us. We understand each of our family members is a work in progress, including ourselves. Because Jesus extended grace to us, we can return grace to our adult children.
The holidays look different once our kids are grown, but as moms, we set the tone for our family. We can’t avoid all holiday stress but when we lay down our perfectionistic tendencies, value each other’s opinions, share in the workload, and choose to be unoffendable, we can have the warm holiday we long for.
Let’s pray.
Dear Papa, I thank you for my grown children. I bless you for Your hand over our family. Give us all the grace and courage to be kind to one another, to extend grace and honor instead of criticism and contempt. Thank you for guiding each of us to your heart. Thank you that we are all works in progress and we need Your influence in our lives. Help us walk in tenderness towards one another. Amen.
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