Closeness With God Begins With Longing
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“I stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you as a parched land.”- Psalm 143:6
Psalm 143:6
The place we need to start in order to feel closer to God is our longing. Most of us have buried it deep beneath our overextended schedules and our religious activity. When you have the courage to bring longing out in the presence of God, you will have a beautiful connection.
Empty
I sit in the early morning, coffee in hand, Bible opened, notebook ready to record my thoughts, and I feel empty. Warm tears fall as I pay attention to my soul. I’m weary from serving everyone and everything. I’m a pastor's wife, a mother of five, a volunteer, an employee, a friend, a parent stretched from all the kid’s activities. The weight of ministry demands coupled with the busy family has wrung me out.
I don’t know how to say “ no.” I overestimate my capacity, then feel bitter when I have no margin in my days. And where’s God in all this hustling? He seems far away. Our relationship has gone cold. I’ve lost the wonder of sitting at His feet and embracing His heart. I’ve become too busy doing things FOR Him instead of sitting WITH Him. I need to make some changes. Longing is stirring within and I need to pay attention.
When was the last time you felt it-your own longing, that is? Your longing for love, your longing for God, your longing to live your life as it is meant to be lived in God? When was the last time you felt a longing for healing and fundamental change groaning within you?” -Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms
Honestly, if I hadn’t read Haley Barton’s book I couldn’t have told you it was a longing that was stirring. I’d pushed my longing aside. It was buried deep, and I left no room for it to come out. It was hidden beneath my busy schedule and my service for God. It wasn’t safe to face my longing because I wasn’t sure anything would change. I faced my longing once and nothing came of it. The thought of being disappointed again made me want to keep my desires quiet. Instead, this time, I took the brave step and brought my longing out in the presence of God, and it was life-changing.
This day, ten years ago, I feel such emptiness, it forces me to pay attention to my longing. I let it out of hiding in front of God, and I ask myself, “what is it I want?” Sobs roll from my core as I realize I want more of God. I’m tired of dead religion and empty praise. I’m fed up with expectations and people-pleasing or what others think my relationship with God should look like. I know there has to be more because I want more. I long for deep connection and intimacy with God.
I sit with God, and I tell Him what I want. I’m met with warmth, joy, and peace as I sit in God’s presence. It feels good to be honest with Him. See, as much as I want Him, He also wants me and that revelation opens a place deep inside of me. My desire is actually His desire, too. It is the day I learn to not be afraid with my deepest longing, and God meets me with limitless love and unending peace.
In Christian circles, we often think it's selfish or carnal to pay attention to desire. Like if we take it out, it’ll lead us to a dangerous place. But Jesus’ ministry was founded on it. He often asked people, “what do you need?” or “how can I help you?” He was addressing their desire.
Let’s not forget the story of blind Bartimaeus on the Jericho road. He laid there begging for who knows how long, but then he heard about Jesus. He thought maybe his life could change. In the midst of crowds he yells, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Can you hear the urgency in his plea? Jesus heard his desperate cries above the crowd as desire and longing reached Jesus’ ears. The prophet stopped and said to Bartimaeus, “what is it you want me to do?”
Your desire for more of God than you have right now, your longing for love, your need for deeper levels of spiritual transformation that you have experienced so far is the truest thing about you. There is a place within each of us that is spiritual in nature, the place where God’s Spirit witnesses with our spirit about the truest identity. Here God’s spirit dwells with our spirit, and here our truest desire makes themselves known. From this place, we cry out to God for a deeper union with him and with others.- Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms
How about you? How bad do you want to grow and change? How much do you desire to be closer to God? Are you willing to get honest with your desires and bring them out in the presence of God?
Here is a simple practice from Sacred Rhythms:
Settle into a comfortable chair. Breathe deep and enjoy God’s presence. He’s right there with you.
Read Mark 10:42-46, the story of the blind beggar
See yourself in the story as the person in need. How would you approach Jesus? What words do you say? What emotions do you feel?
Imagine that in response to your cry, Jesus turns to you. Now your face to face with Jesus, and He has your full attention (because you do!) and hear his question addressed to you. “What do you want me to do for you?”
Don’t be afraid of the emotion; it’s important to feel how deep the desire goes. Take your time.
If you have a journal, it might help to begin with the statement “God, what I need/want from you right now is…” and let the thoughts flow. Listen for Christ’s response.
Don’t feel like you have to do anything, just enjoy the intimacy with God.
Paying attention to our longing and our deepest desire is the place where intimacy with God will start. Don’t be afraid because on the other side of longing is a deep union with our Creator and isn’t that what we’re looking for?
Dear Papa, I want to begin this journey of moving closer to you by paying attention to my deep desires and longing. Help me not be afraid to bring them out of hiding into Your presence. Thank you when I do, You will meet me with love, acceptance, and peace. I long to know You more. Amen.
Still, struggling?
Maybe this will help.
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