Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

Are You Ready for It?

Hey there, momma!

So, picture this: your kiddo is on the verge of spreading their wings and taking on the big, wide world. Exciting, right? But, let's be real, it's also a bit nerve-wracking. As Christian moms, we know there's more to this launch than just packing bags and giving pep talks. It's about trusting God and preparing yourself for the biggest shift in your motherhood. So, before we send our little ones off into the unknown, let's chat about the top ten things moms need to know before launching their kids.

1. Allow your child to be autonomous: 

No grown child wants you to be a hovering, helicopter mom. That’s just annoying! It’s normal when your child wants his independence and control over his own decision. This is the goal of parenting. They want to become their own person and you need to let them become just that. You gotta get out of the way. Even if it means them moving away or heading in a direction you wouldn’t select. You must let them fly.

The Big Question: What are you doing to encourage your child to make choices for his life?

2. Don’t make this season about you:

This transition is not about you; it’s about your emerging adult and what is best for him. There will be time for you to process transitional grief, but don’t do that with your child. That will hurt him. Instead, Brenda Yoder, author of Fledge said, “Be the kind of mom you needed when you young. This will ensure your child feels loved and supported. This is important! It’s what they need most! You’ll have time to handle your emotions alone, with God, later.

The Big Question: What can you do to remember this is about your child not you?

3. Be a good listener:

When your child shares an opinion, idea, or emotion, your job is to listen well. Lean in. Focus on them and not your reply. Repeat back what they’ve said to gain clarity. After they’ve shared anything with you, say, “Thanks for telling me that. It means a lot to me.” You don’t have to agree or correct. Your job is to make space for them to feel heard. In doing so, you are building a bond between you and your emerging adult.

 The Big Question: What are you doing to create a safe space for your child to feel heard?

4. Support your child instead of directing:

Gone are the days of barking orders and making your kids obey. You’re not in charge anymore. You're  also not required to fix, heal or carry anything for your child. That’s his job. Your role is to be supportive. You can do this best by expressing your confidence in your child or helping them process a situation by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you think?” or “What do you want it to look like?”

The Big Question: What does it look like to be a supportive mom instead of a rescuing mom?

5. Process Your Emotions Well:

It’s normal to have “big feelings” when you're launching your kids. But watch out for times when those unprocessed emotions come blazing forward in anger leaving a trail of collateral damage. Instead, be self-aware and notice your feelings. Hello, rage! Process them through journaling, prayer, or conversation with a friend. Don’t bottle them up or unleash them on your family. Find a peaceful, mature way to navigate this monumental change in your motherhood. 

The Big Question: What tool are you using to manage your emotions well?

6. Find Community with Other Women Who Understand:

It can feel jarring to lose the fellow parent friends you had when your kids were in extracurriculars. Where’d all my friends go? You may suddenly feel alone in the world, but community will bring healing. Get involved in a small group, Bible Study or hobby group. Invite a mom friend over for coffee. You can take the relationship to a new level if you initiate and aren’t afraid to risk making new friends in this season of life.

The Big Question: How could your life look if you risked building new friendships in this season?

7. Release expectations of Your Kids:

 Expectations always lead to disappointment. It’s guaranteed. Instead, try having brave conversations with your kids about what you need, but remember, they won’t always say “yes” because it  might not work for them. Honesty, humility, and gentleness will be your friends, if you let them. You have to be okay with a “no” and not take it personally. This will require maturity and self-control. 

The Big Question: What expectations do I have right now?

8. Lean on God: 

More than ever your connection with God will be the anchor in the shaky season of motherhood. Cling to God instead of your child. As you move closer to God, you’ll discover He provides peace, wisdom, and the support you need when life feels unfamiliar. Continue to anchor your soul in the truth of God’s Word, and pray like it’s your lifeline, because it is. Prayer is simply talking to God about what matters to you and releasing your fears for His reassurance. God knows just what you need, momma.

The Big Question: What are you doing to enrich your relationship with God in this season?

9. Stay Present with Your Child:

Moms are notorious for getting ahead of themselves. We gaze into an unknown future, as fears rise, then we miss the beauty God has for us NOW. Your child hasn’t left yet. Focus on staying present with your child. Put your work or your phone down and linger with your child when they’re near. Lean in and listen. You’ll find yourself smack in the middle of some beautiful conversations when you stop projecting into an unknown future. 

The Big Question: How will you stay present with your child now?

10. Get Curious about the Future:

 Instead of fearing change, get curious about it.  Look inside and ask yourself this question: What lights my soul on fire? What could you talk about without notes? Whatever you are passionate about, follow that trail because that can lead you to the fresh purpose God has for you in this season.  Instead of assuming you know what’s next, get curious about new possibilities. It’s truly an exciting season if you allow curiosity to lead you to God’s good plans for you.

The Big Question: What could my life look like if I followed what “sets my soul on fire”?

As we wrap up, momma, remember launching your kids is no small feat, but you do not walk this road alone. God is near. May you sense God’s guiding hand as He leads you to pivot the way you relate to your grown kids and care for yourself. Remember, we will always be their moms, it just looks a little different now that they are grown.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” - Isaiah 30:21

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I’m standing on the edge of the biggest change in my motherhood and I need You to help me launch my child well. Help me lean into You as You help me make the necessary adjustments. I want to listen to Your voice as you guide me along this unfamiliar path. I trust Your good plans for me and my child. Amen.

Still struggling? 

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a four page guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

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