How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

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How Moms Conquer College Drop Off

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

My Quiet House

My usual bustling house was eerily quiet. Four of our kids were out of the nest, with one left to finish three more years of high school. I looked forward to time with the baby, but she was pretty busy with school activities and work. I’d hug her in between events, but she was independent. I admired her strength. A heaviness hung over me as my mind flashed through my usual routine.

Motherhood is all I knew. I spent nearly three decades focused on my five kids. There were endless appointments, sporting events, musical concerts, homework, sibling rivalry, laundry, grocery shopping, counseling, training, loving, laughter, and tears. My days jumbled together in a monotonous repeat of tasks, but I saw motherhood as a high calling and a gift.

We dropped the fourth child at college recently and questions tumbled through my thoughts:

Who am I apart from being a mom?

What do I want to do with this life now that my kids are grown?

What dreams had I set aside to raise them?

My children were my focus and now they are gone. My active mothering would end. How could I conquer this phase of motherhood, the one that was more hands off, less child focused?

We will all face this chasm. This shift between what we always did, and the future apart from our grown kids. We have dropped a child at college and life looks different. It doesn’t matter if it’s our first or our last; everything changes.

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4 Things A Mom Needs To Know Before College Drop Off

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4 Things A Mom Needs To Know Before College Drop Off

“Trust in the Lord and do good.Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.” Psalm 37:3 NLT

Move In Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day. A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way.

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I have made this transition five times, it never got easier for me.

Transition

When we drop our child at college, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as a mom.

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4 Things To Do If You're Serious About Respect

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4 Things To Do If You're Serious About Respect

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”-Matthew 7:12

As Children Change

As my grown children left home and ventured into the big world, some of them came back with new ideas or fresh insights that were contrary to how they were raised. Initially I viewed these differences as a reflection of me, and I felt like a failure as their mother.

I thought, “This isn’t how I raised you. How can you possibly think that way about these issues?” I wanted to fight back with all the reasons they were wrong, but I knew that wouldn’t get us anywhere. I needed to shift and think less about myself and realize they were autonomous humans who were free to think whatever they wanted about society.

This is a season of great change for both mom and her adult child. Our children will test theories and wrestle with what they believe about themselves, society, and God. Growth is required for both of us and respect is the channel which fuels positive change.

The Need To Respect

I needed to extend respect through the way we communicated. But not the insincere “grin and bear it” sort. I desired to truly honor them as humans. As a follower of Christ, honor is due even when we disagree.

I concentrated on my connection with God. He became my source of comfort as I poured out my woes. My calmness, genuine respect, and gentle words ruled our interactions. I wasn’t required to agree with my grown child; I was simply asked to respect them each time we talked.

This was not easy at first! Where there was once frustration and a simmering inside, I’ve learned to talk peacefully. I practice patience and surrender all the emotions to God instead of flinging piercing words at my children. This took years of practice.

We don’t want to behave in a negative way, but sometimes it is painful for us to respect a child who sees the world differently from how we raised them because we think respect means acceptance. I don’t believe these words are synonymous.

Hurtful words flung in an emotional moment cause a rift in our relationships. We realize respect is the better way. When we give respect we usher in grace, peace and God’s presence.

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4 Powerful Reasons Why You Need to Be Empathetic

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4 Powerful Reasons Why You Need to Be Empathetic

“He who has knowledge restrains and is careful with his words, and a man of understanding and wisdom has a cool spirit.” Proverbs 17:27 AMP

Dismissed

John was home from college ready for a summer to work and reconnect with old friends. He leaned against the kitchen island, shoulders slumped, eyes downcast as his mom, Elizabeth loaded the dishwasher. “What’s wrong, Bud?” quipped Elizabeth. “Jenny said we need a break in our relationship. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” he whispered.

Elizabeth continued to load the dishwasher and in her usual upbeat, positive attitude said, “Honestly, she wasn’t my favorite. At least you’re young. There are plenty of great girls out there. Just go pick another one!”

John bristled at her comment and thought, “When will she ever care about how I feel? I’m tired of being dismissed.” The divide in their relationship grew as John slinked out of the kitchen to go to his room.

Do you practice empathy?

How empathetic are you as a mom? Are you good at joining your adult child in their pain, refusing to rescue or fix or make it about you? Do you minimize their pain and ask them to get over it?

I did not practice empathy well for many years, and it left my grown kids feeling overlooked and unvalidated. I could see the pain in their eyes, but I never understood until my son pointed it out. “I just want what I feel to be validated,” was his plea.

Perhaps, like me, you didn’t know.

You were ignorant.

I don’t think empathy was modeled for me.

I had to learn.

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