Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

“... yet not my will, but yours be done.” -Luke 22:42

My husband, the pastor, stepped to the platform on a regular Sunday morning following the music part of worship when the Holy Spirit whispered to his heart, “Your work here is done.”  He was stunned for a second at the timing of the statement, but he gathered his composure and proceeded to preach the message and wrap up the Sunday service. He didn’t tell me about the impression of God for two weeks.

We spent the previous seven years revitalizing a rural church.  God moved the church through a building project, stewardship campaign, implemented a thriving Kids ministry, and brought the Sunday attendance from 40 to 180 under our leadership. Our children were doing well, we had just received a raise, and the church changed the bylaws so we could stay indefinitely.  Our course was set, and we were content.

And just like that, God said we were done.

My husband didn’t tell me right away because he wanted time to process and pray.  I was shocked when he told me. All my dreams of the future were crushed. We would move and need to start all over again.  My heart was weary of starting over, but when we answered the call to full-time ministry, we knew our lives were no longer our own.  We desired to be in God’s will more than anything, and so we began to pray and wait, each day exchanging our plans for His.

Part of the refining process for most of us will involve dying to our wants.  And isn’t it this why refining is so painful? We have a vision, a plan, and a course set out and then suddenly it all changes. Why is change so jarring, and why is surrender so difficult?  Why is it so hard to trust the good plans of God?

How do we set aside our agendas and wants? 

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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Refining Series: Our View of God

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Refining Series: Our View of God

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”-Job 2:10b

 The Refinement of Loss

We were married four years and our son was two when I took the next positive pregnancy test.  I was elated and raced to the clinic to have the blood test confirm the pregnancy, and it did. Baby #2 was on the way and I was especially thrilled because two of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies.  It was a girlfriend's dream come true!

Just hours later I started to bleed.  I frantically called my doctor and he recommended bed rest for the weekend.  I sobbed and worried as my little toddler seemed confused by my sudden bed rest and my husband looked equally bewildered. We felt utterly helpless.

I willed myself to stay still, thinking perhaps if I didn’t move, the bleeding would stop.  I prayed, I begged, and I pleaded with God. I asked for a miracle but the bleeding never stopped. I returned to the clinic on Monday to check the levels in my blood and later in the afternoon, the Dr. confirmed my greatest fear.  Our baby was gone. As quickly as it came, it was gone. The experience left me crushed, broken and bewildered. I assumed God would rescue me, yet He didn’t.

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

As part of my Refining Series, I’ll be sharing Refining Stories; stories of people who have wrestled with anger and disappointment with God.  People changed, rebuilt and rescued by God. Allison, is a special needs mom. I pray by reading her story you’ll be strengthened to continue your own refining season, with the confidence of how God works all the hard things together for good. I’m honored to have Allison share her story.

Allison’s Story

Sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through Pinterest, I heard my husband Ben answer his phone. We’d been waiting on this call for a couple of weeks and my heart constricted tighter and faster listening to his end of the conversation. Though he was mostly nodding and scribbling notes, not saying much, I could tell the results showed something.

Hanging up the phone, he turned to tell me the results: a rare (1 in 100,000 boys) genetic disorder. Three extra chromosomes. A spectrum of possibilities but physical and intellectual difficulties guaranteed. Apraxia. Hypotonia. Possible heart issues. Anxiety. Recurring pneumonia. Of course, our pediatrician advised us not to Google the syndrome, and of course, I didn’t listen.

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Refining Series: What If God Is Up To Something?

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“See I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”-Isaiah 48:10

The Refining Process

Refining is a process in which impurities are removed from oil, metals, and not surprisingly, Followers of Christ. The refining process begins with something in a crude state being turned into something useful. The impurities are extracted with chemicals or heat, resulting in the purest form.

So why do we need to be refined? Could it be our character and habits need to be purified? Is it because God has a wonderful plan for what we will become and a refining season will help us get there?

What does the refining process look like for a child of God? Most often He uses trials and setbacks, sickness and loss, pain and heartache. He often uses the people closest to us, including our spouse’s and children. Perhaps He’ll use our boss, coworker or neighbor.

Now you’re excited! Stay with me.

Most of us are cruising along in life, loving Jesus, going to church, growing in our faith and then BAM, something bad happens. When the trial comes, we’re stunned! We ask all the questions because we’re disappointed. We question our loving God.

  • “God, why?”

  • “God, if you are good, why is this bad thing happening?”

  • “God this is too hard! I can’t do this and why do you think I can?”

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

”The tongue can bring death and life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” -Proverbs 18:21

There’s a story of two brothers. The older son was treated fair and could stand up the the emotional abuse of his father, but the younger brother was not so fortunate. He could do nothing right in his fathers eyes, and his father caused great damage with his harsh words. The father was critical of everything the younger son did, and the words left lasting wounds of insecurity, doubt, self-loathing. Because the father told him he could never do anything right, he believed it.

Have you ever been the recipient of cruel words? Most of us have. Perhaps a family member or an acquaintance in school, or the neighborhood bully. Their bitter words cut to the core and leave us wounded for years. And every time someone speaks harshly to us, we bleed all over again.

Have you ever considered the power of your words as you walk through a difficult season, and how they effect your attitude? When we’re under stress we often resort to blame, by being critical of others or God. Or we make declarations like, “I can’t do this, it’s too hard!” or “This will never get better!” or “This is impossible!” There is life or death in your words, and it takes diligence to control them.

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may be pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” -Philippians 2:14-15

I used to be such a good sleeper. I’d hit the pillow exhausted from chasing my five kids around and wake up refreshed early the next day ready to tackle the world again. I required eight hours of sleep for optimal productivity. But the past few years insomnia has become my unwelcome nightly companion.

Lately, I’ve been waking up at 3 am, and I lay there wide awake, flipping and flopping with thoughts rolling through my brain. “How’s this going to work?” “When am I going to get that done?” “What if…?” It usually lasts until 4:30 am and the alarm goes off at 5 am or 6 am depending on my work shift. I wake up frustrated from my lack of sleep, and I know I have a choice to make. I can choose to thank God the night is over and perhaps I’ll sleep better tonight, or I can complain and whine all day about how tired I am.

I wish I could say, I always choose the way of praise and thanksgiving. I do not. I can get pulled into the vortex of negativity, just like anyone else. But it doesn’t take long for me to be disgusted with myself as Holy Spirit whispers, “There’s a better way to handle your frustration and weariness.”

Do you ever notice when you complain, it invites everyone around you to join in too? People gather in their break rooms, near the water cooler, or over cups of coffee and try to convince each other who’s situation is worse. It’s all quite dismal when you think about it.

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Attitude Adjustment Series: A Godly Perspective

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Attitude Adjustment Series: A Godly Perspective

Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.” -Job 38:1-3

Our attitude is one thing we can control

We begin a new series for May about our attitudes. There is little we can do to control the circumstances or the people in our lives, and we aren’t supposed to control them anyways. The one thing we are in charge of is ourselves, our attitude, and our response to life. The surest way to survive a challenging season is to do it with an attitude that pleases God. This month we’ll be looking at the different ways to move past our bad attitudes and be able to recognize the goodness of God, even when life is hard.

I’m optimistic by nature and have the strength of positivity, but even I wrestle with an occasional bad attitude, whether it’s about work, family, or the difficult situation I’m facing. During one particularly challenging season, I remember being upset with how I perceived God was treating me. I didn’t find my situation fair or just. I was sucked into the “why me” realm of negativity and self-pity.

When believers go through difficult trials, they often compare their story to the life of Job in the Old Testament. Job was a devout man, who loved God, had impeccable integrity, a successful business, abundant wealth, a large family, and servants. He was well respected. Here’s some excerpts from Job’s story.

Satan is roaming the earth, and he asks God what is going on. God shows him Job and Satan says, ”Job has good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. Look how rich he is! But reach out and take away everything he has and he will surely curse you to your face.” - Job 1:9-11

So, God allows it, and Satan takes everything from Job: his property, his servants, and his children. Job tore his clothing in grief and shaved his head, yet he did not curse God.

The next test for Job was when Satan covered his body with boils from his head to the tips of his toes. Satan thought he would surely curse God if his health was taken. Job cried out to God in anguish, and his friends who initially come to comfort him, encourage him to curse God and die. His wife also takes this harsh stance.

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Trusting God Series: Trust Grows With Time

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Trusting God Series: Trust Grows With Time

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever.”-Psalm 52:8

This is the last post in our series about trusting God. Aren’t we funny when it comes to trusting God? We berate ourselves when we don’t, we compare and say horrible things, like “why can’t I just trust Him, I’m the worst Christian ever.” We give up or throw fits at God like an unsettled toddler. Why can’t we just offer ourselves some grace with our frail humanity? Why can’t we be patient with the process?

Trust Requires Patience

I was reading Hebrews this week and these words spoke so powerfully to my spirit. “And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.”-Hebrews 6:15 If you’re familiar with the story, Abraham was waiting for a son. He waited and finally in his old age he received what was promised. So basically waiting patiently= waiting a lifetime. It’s a bit of a shocker, isn’t it?

I am kind of patient compared to, let’s say, my husband. He’s not patient at all, but compared to my daughter-in-law, she has amazing patience. I marvel at her as she parents our grandsons. Our oldest grandson is brilliant and strong-willed, but she is so gentle and patient with him. She stays calm while he carries on with lots of drama. She’s basically a saint.

God is interested in growing our character, which includes growing our trust in Him. He is abundantly patient with the process as we grope and struggle to find our barrings.

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” -Psalm 145:13b

The best wisdom I can share about trust comes from God Himself. What He says about Himself in the Word has convinced me beyond the shadow of a doubt He is trustworthy. I’m tenacious enough that when God speaks, I long to listen and believe. Of course, we all struggle with unbelief, but there was a season of great testing where I learned about trust.

“Do you trust Me?” - God

My husband and I had been married for seven years and had three children under five when he became sick with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Our newborn was two months old when the first paralysis took place. God had just brought us through an amazing miracle with our baby, so our faith was strong, but we had no idea the devastation we’d face in the next two-and-a-half years, as the disease progressed.

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”- 2 Corinthians 4:18

The Unseen Realm

One lesson we need to learn when it comes to trusting God is His work in the unseen realm. All He does and is, how He moves and shifts takes place in the unseen. We know Him and accept Him by faith, and He is always doing so much more than what we see. His unseen activity needs to be our focus.

The days leading up to speak at Women’s Conference in Arizona, I was depleted from the non-stop busyness of life at church and activities with our teenage daughters. I was crabby, exhausted, and my usual sunny disposition had up and left. My hubby even noticed. I landed late in Arizona and crawled into bed at my parent’s winter home. The next morning I got up early, found a cup of coffee and plopped myself in a comfy chair on the patio. The warmth enveloped me as I relaxed in the lounge chair. As I lifted my eyes, there were the Superstition Mountains, literally in my parents back yard. They stood strong, proud, and clothed in desert red.

The moment I settled back and looked at the mountain, the Spirit whispered these words from Psalms to my weary soul: “I will lift my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” -Psalm 121:1-2

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.”- Jeremiah 24:7

Do you know God?

I spent most of my childhood and teen years knowing about God, but I didn’t know Him at all. He seemed distant, aloof and uninterested. I knew He was holy and to be revered, but I didn’t understand how revering Him would impact me. My Grandma taught me to be quiet in the vestibule and sit still for everyone around me while at her little Lutheran church. We didn’t attend that often, so church always felt a little stiff and formal to me. There was singing songs with lots of verses, reading from the Word and praying, but I didn’t really know how it effected me personally; there was no awe for me. I recognized some stories from the Bible as learned on the flannel graph in Sunday School. I knew Easter was a big deal because we got up early for sunrise service and I got wear a new dress and head to my Grandmas with all my cousins.

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

Remarkable Hope

I had the privilege recently of helping a fellow Hope*Writer launch her second book, Remarkable Hope. I thought of you as I read her compelling book. She takes common Biblical stories and retells them as fiction then provides beautiful insights about hope. You’ll will find yourself breathless as you read her Biblical accounts, then so filled with hope by the wisdom she shares about people who’ve been disappointed, disillusioned, and running out of hope. I’ve been there, how about you? Welcome Shauna Lettellier to Be Encouraged!

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” -Hebrews 6:19


Thomas Chisholm was not a formally educated man. But in 1941 he wrote in a letter, “My income has not been large at any time due to impaired health in the earlier years which has followed me on until now. Although I must not fail to record here the unfailing faithfulness of a covenant-keeping God and that He has given me many wonderful displays of His providing care, for which I am filled with astonishing gratefulness."*

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Trusting God Series: The Surrendered Heart

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Trusting God Series: The Surrendered Heart

We’ll continue the Trusting God Series today talking about the surrendered heart. Often we struggle with trusting God because we don’t want to surrender to the unknown, or we’re just plain stubborn as we resist the leading of the Spirit. We fear surrendering to God will land us somewhere we never wanted to be. However, surrender is the door to trusting God.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.’” Isaiah 30:15

My husband stepped into the pulpit one Sunday morning at our church, and the Spirit whispered, “Your time here is over.” My husband was stunned by the timing, but he gathered his composure and went on with the rest of the service. We had spent seven years revitalizing this rural church in Minnesota. It is a grueling adventure to bring restoration and healing to a body of Believers. We left the church a healthier bunch. We had just received a raise and a clause in our contract that we could stay as long as we wanted. We assumed we would retire there, but God had other plans.

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Trusting God Series: Control Is An Illusion

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Trusting God Series: Control Is An Illusion

We’re continuing our Trusting God Series, with the topic of control. When it comes to trust, we often struggle with surrender, as we’d much rather control all the outcomes. We like to control our work ,our spouse, our kids, our finances, our health, our loss, our pain. We think if we can just control everything, then we won’t get hurt, or experience pain. Today we’ll discuss why control is an illusion.

“But I trust in you, Lord. I say, ‘You are my God.’”- Psalm 31:14

Control Is An Illusion

The first time I sent my fourth grader to summer camp for one week, I took his cute little clothes and folded each outfit and placed it in a Ziploc bag, with the day written on it. Day clothes and evening church clothes had separate bags and it was orderly system that I thought would help my random, non-sequential child to function well and at least wear the right outfit. He returned from camp with several of those bags unopened. Twelve years later, when child number five went to her first summer camp I said, “you should go pack for camp.” And she did, all by herself, with no Ziploc bags in sight!

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Trusting God Series: When You're Disappointed in God

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Trusting God Series: When You're Disappointed in God

Disappointment compounded

It was a beautiful September day, six years ago, as I was heading home from work for lunch. I was slowing down for an approaching stop light, and suddenly I was rear ended by a young, distracted drive and his passenger. They got out of their car laughing while I sat stunned. At impact, my head flew back and pain shot through my neck and upper shoulder and my arms grew tingly. I was a block from the hospital, and a quick trip in the ambulance brought me to the ER with my hubby close behind.

I had a Cat scan and x-rays. They put me in the neck brace and sent me on my way. I went home to rest and enjoy the benefits of pain killers and muscle relaxers. What I assumed would be a short recovery turned into years of pain and doctor’s appointments. I started with Physical Therapy, after 8 weeks of no change, I tried chiropractic, and massage and when that didn’t help, I was sent to an Orthopedic Specialist. I was reduced to tears at many of those appointments as the pain was excruciating. My usual cheerful, optimistic disposition was tested, as my life revolved around headaches and severe muscle pain in my upper back and trapezoid muscle. It hurt when I sat or when I lied down; I could never escape the pain, no matter what I tried. I tried to be upbeat and remain faithful. Eventually I didn’t talk about the pain, but it was my constant companion. Living with physical pain is exhausting. Pain killers and muscle relaxers made me feel sleepy and weird, so I quit taking them.

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Trusting God Series: "But, I Don't Know How!"

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Trusting God Series: "But, I Don't Know How!"

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”-Psalm 62:8

TRUSTING GOD: It’s our new series for March, and I hope you find it helpful. As children of God, we know we’re supposed to trust Him, but why is it so hard sometimes? Why do we default to worry more than trust? Is it part of living in this broken world? Why are some so faithful, while others live in constant anxiety and worry about the future? We’re going to look at some of these topics this month. Let’s dive into what God has to say about it and how we can renew our thinking about trust. We start the series today with a look at one of my best friends from childhood, and her story about learning to trust God.

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Marriage Series: What Do You Need Today?

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Marriage Series: What Do You Need Today?

“My beloved is mine and I am his…” Song of Songs 2:16a

My hubby and I take some time every Sunday night to go through Navigator’s Council, a journal by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff, which helps us connect in a deeper way.

Each week we answer these five questions:

  • What brought you joy this week?

  • What is something that was hard this week?

  • What is one specific thing I can do for you this week?

  • Is there any unconfessed sin, conflict, or hurt that we need to resolve and/or seek forgiveness for?

  • What is a dream, craving, or desire that has been on the fore-front of your mind?

  • How can I pray for you this week?

It’s been a rich experience of connecting, and it helps us be honest with each other, even if it’s a little scary at times. We’ve been at this marriage thing for over 30 years, so we’re not afraid to share our honest souls with each other.

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Marriage Series: The Critical Wife

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Marriage Series: The Critical Wife

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” -Proverbs 21:19

A few years ago I was feeling kind of blah in my marriage. Have you ever been there? Dissatisfaction and nit-picking were becoming part of my normal routine. It had nothing to do with my husband and everything to do with ME. This was my problem! Sure, I loved my husband, because he’s an amazing man, but this critical spirit had descended upon me, and it was clouding my perspective. The feelings simmered below the surface and effected every interaction we had.

One morning as I was spending time in prayer, Papa(my name for God) and I were talking about it. God asked me to make a list of all the things I loved about my hubby. I rattled off twenty items easily. There’s no one who makes me laugh the way he does. He’s this wonderful mix of serious and weird. He saves the most weird for me, and then tells everyone he married me so he’d look normal.

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Marriage Series: When Opposites Attract

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Marriage Series: When Opposites Attract

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Let me tell you a little about my husband, Bob. He’s real cute, and he is energized by being alone. He’s a quiet observer who prefers meaningful conversation over idle chit chat. He has an analytical mind and enjoys thinking more than talking. Then there’s me. I’m the outgoing, animated one, who is energized by a room full of people. I am moved by intuition and emotion and to me, analysis is paralysis.

Bob prefers the silverware facing up in the dishwasher, where I’m just happy to have it inside the dishwasher. “Mr. Worst Case Scenario,” has been his nickname, as he has a backup plan for every possible, horrible outcome. I like to camp out in the, “It’s All Going to Be OK” optimistic side of things.

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