Make Your Life A Prayer

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Make Your Life A Prayer

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series talking about prayer. Is prayerlessness keeping you far from God? Perhaps you have a narrow view of prayer.  Let’s talk about how to have a continual conversation with God.

“Make your life a prayer.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 TPT

My View of Prayer

I had some rigid ideas about what prayer should look like when I first met the Lord over thirty years ago. I was more concerned about myself than I was about connecting to God. I wanted to do it right and say the right words. I wanted to seem spiritual. I wrongly assumed somehow if the words weren’t right,  God wouldn’t hear me.

As a Christian, I knew the right thing to do. I was to happily rise early and have a quiet time with God, reading my Bible, and praying for people. It felt like an assignment or obligation. I needed to check it off my “Good Christian Girl” checklist so I would be approved by God. I was quite proud of myself for doing it right.

Imagine the shame I’d feel when I missed a few days. Regret. Surely God was disappointed with me, so how could I possibly read my Bible again?  It’s funny how the devil hooks us with our performance. When we believe the lie our relationship with God depends on what we do, it’s a very slippery slope.  The truth that rescues us is to remember we love Him because He first loved us. He was pursuing us long before we met Him. Doesn’t that minimize the performance pressure?

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part [of my heart] You will make me know wisdom.”- Psalm 51:6 AMP

We are continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series with the topic of vulnerability.  Do you struggle to be vulnerable with God? Does shame have the opposite effect and cause you to hide from Him?  It could be a reason you don’t feel close to Him.

I Messed Up Again

I blew it again. I wanted to be a patient, loving mom. I could be calm and gentle but if things escalated my inclination was to be bossy and brash. I demanded obedience, and my kid’s disrespect was hard to handle.  I especially felt like a failure with my son Caleb. He was an active boy with a strong will who wanted to call the shots. I felt exasperated most of the time. One frustrating morning, Holy Spirit gently asked, “why are you so angry with Caleb?”  I was shocked at first. But Holy Spirit was right, I was frustrated and I’d respond in anger, which was just escalating every interaction with my wild boy. 

I was filled with shame and regret each time I responded harshly to him.  This mothering was the one thing I was called to do and I felt like I failed every day.  I wanted to hide from God. I was humiliated and embarrassed by my behavior. After all, my kids were just little humans who deserved grace, patience, and gentle training. 

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

We are wrapping up our Refining Series today with a powerful story about grief. I met Bekah in an online writing group called Hope*writers and was part of the launch team for her newly published book, Can’t Steal My Joy: The Journey To A Different Kind of Brave. Bekah shares the story of her two sons’ diagnosis with an incurable genetic disorder. In a matter of months, she lost her firstborn, Titus and now battles the disease with her son, Ely. Her book is the most honest portrayal of pain juxtaposed with the hope of Christ. I read her book in one sitting and came away inspired and challenged by her courage through a devastating loss. It’s an honor to share Bekah’s story.

Bekah’s Story

I grew up in the southeastern desert of Idaho at the base of a beautiful mountainscape. And I loved the mountains, but some of my favorite memories growing up came from our vacations to the central coast of California where my grandparents lived. When we visited, we knew we were always in for a fish fry, a Santa Maria BBQ, and trips to the beach.

And oh, how I loved the trips to the beach! We would catch sand crabs and put them in a bucket, watching them burrow back down to safety. I loved walking along watching for the little bubbles that would tell you to start digging because a crab was sure to be under there. I also loved building things out of the sand. Sandcastles, covering ourselves in the sand, making animals. It was all fun. And then we’d watch as the tide would swish in, slowly and surely taking apart whatever we built. I had no idea as a kid, I would one day feel like my life was one such sandcastle getting tormented and destroyed by waves with no control over the matter.

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,”                                                                                                                                    -James 1:4

As we wrap up this series, I wanted to talk about one of the most important byproducts of refining: perseverance.  Perseverance does not come naturally, and it’s built into our character by the practice of not giving up. It’s a challenge to persevere because we long for a life of ease and comfort. It’s why we struggle with exercise, keeping our house clean, paying off debt, or working on broken relationships because they all require hard work and perseverance. We can learn to persevere through practice.

My husband and I had been in a health-related trial for many months. My husband was sick, and there was no cure in sight.  I was watching the news one evening and a report came on about pit bulls. The dog owner held up a braided rope with a large braided ball at the end.  The owner hovered it over the pit bulls head and it jumped up and latched onto the ball with its powerful jaws and did not let go. The pitbull hung mid-air latched on to the rope with all its might.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “I want you to be just like that pit bull. You hold on to Me and never let go.” It was a beautiful image of tenacity, and it would become the theme of my days.

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

I have three more stories to share this month as we wrap up our Refining Series. My hope in sharing these stories is to help you not feel alone while being refined. The refining process is for all of God’s kids and it’s not meant to be seen as a punishment but rather training.

Ally talks about how it was difficult for her to bring negative emotions to God. I think we’ve all felt the need to tidy ourselves up a bit before we come to God, have we not? But she learned a valuable tool to help her move forward and to get a revelation about how God saw her. I’m honored to share Ally’s story today.

Ally’s Story

In 2006, I met a boy at a party. I was a freshman in the first week of college; he was a sophomore engineering student. A few days after we met, he asked if I want to go for a walk. We started walking every day. To class. To the Arboretum. To TCBYs. We were inseparable. He liked showing me off to his friends, telling them I was his perfect girl. His friends became my friends. He took months to kiss me- I remember thinking"This is what gentlemen do".

I don't know when the comments started. I did not notice at first because I read the world as black and white. The red flags I knew to beware were the obvious ones: are they pressuring you? Are they flat out mean to you? Those aren't your friends. His comments weren't like that, though. "You would look really good in that dress... If you lost like 5 pounds." "Do you really want to eat the whole cookie/the whole sandwich/the whole meal? I'm just looking out for you." "Do you really need to go spend time with your friend? I wanted to see you. I studied last night so I could keep tonight free for you". Always guilt. Always my fault. Always ways I could be better. 

Two years later, standing in the rain outside of his apartment after an argument, I broke up with him. For real this time.

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

Today on the blog we’re going to address fear. First off let’s remove the shame because we all struggle with fear. Fear comes in many forms: anxiety, worry, alarm, panic, distress, dread, unease. The challenge is God wants to set us free from it and He will use trials to prove His faithfulness. Even when the worst-case scenario happens, God is near and able to help us in our distress.

“They will not live in fear or dread of what may come, for their hearts are firm, ever secure in their faith. Steady and strong they will not be afraid, but will calmly face their every foe until they all go down in defeat.” Psalm 112:7-8

I had a recurring dream for most of my adult life.  I dreamt I’d given birth to a tiny, premature baby, and the helpless babe would evaporate in front of my eyes.

Gone. My baby was gone.  

I’d wake up after each nightmare convinced I had just delivered a baby. It was otherworldly and scared me to death and filled me with dread. 

Fear is like that: it lurks in our dreams.

Imagine my horror when I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks with our third child.  These were no Braxton Hicks contractions; it was the real deal, and I was terrified. I raced to the doctor's office, and they placed me on a monitor immediately.  The readings confirmed my deepest fear. I was going to deliver a tiny infant. It was too soon. Images from my nightmares flooded my head and paralyzed me. I had never told anyone about the nightmares, and that day I was sure they would come to pass.

I was hospitalized to be monitored and strong drugs were administered to stop the contractions.  The irony was that I was to remain still, while the medicine made my heart race like I was running a marathon.  

The doctors performed tests to see what was causing the extra amniotic fluid.  The Doctor spoke in hushed tones as serious potential outcomes were discussed about the health of our baby. I was sent home for six weeks of bed rest as the goal was to get me to 37 weeks gestation.

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

As part of my Refining Series, I’m sharing Refining stories; stories of women who have wrestled with God, through difficult situations and let Him refine them. They felt the sting of disappointment and have run to God with their pain. In turn, God has revealed more of His character to them.

Today I share a story many are familiar with, the refining from an injury. As much as we wish we wouldn’t get injured or hurt, it happens because we live in a fallen world. But God offers us Himself in these seasons. I pray her words bring you comfort. I am honored to share Rebekah’s story with you.

Rebekah’s Story:

One day early in basketball season, during my junior year of college, a group of teammates talked about how awful an injury, especially a torn ligament, would be.

“That would be awful,” one said. “I don’t know how I’d keep going,” said another.

I don’t know how I’d respond, I thought to myself. I haven’t been injured longer than a day or two.

It wasn’t my experience yet, but it was coming, and I would have a lot to learn in the process.

Midway through that season, during our holiday tournament, I had played well in Game 1, and my performance early in Game 2 set me up well for all-tournament honors. Toward the end of the second game, however, I took one wrong step. No contact from another player, no accident. Just a step and my knee buckled.

I wanted to deny it, but my knee continued to swell, and all the telltale signs were there. I heard the results of my MRI the day after Christmas: I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in my left knee.

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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Refining Series: Our View of God

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Refining Series: Our View of God

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”-Job 2:10b

 The Refinement of Loss

We were married four years and our son was two when I took the next positive pregnancy test.  I was elated and raced to the clinic to have the blood test confirm the pregnancy, and it did. Baby #2 was on the way and I was especially thrilled because two of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies.  It was a girlfriend's dream come true!

Just hours later I started to bleed.  I frantically called my doctor and he recommended bed rest for the weekend.  I sobbed and worried as my little toddler seemed confused by my sudden bed rest and my husband looked equally bewildered. We felt utterly helpless.

I willed myself to stay still, thinking perhaps if I didn’t move, the bleeding would stop.  I prayed, I begged, and I pleaded with God. I asked for a miracle but the bleeding never stopped. I returned to the clinic on Monday to check the levels in my blood and later in the afternoon, the Dr. confirmed my greatest fear.  Our baby was gone. As quickly as it came, it was gone. The experience left me crushed, broken and bewildered. I assumed God would rescue me, yet He didn’t.

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

As part of my Refining Series, I’ll be sharing Refining Stories; stories of people who have wrestled with anger and disappointment with God.  People changed, rebuilt and rescued by God. Allison, is a special needs mom. I pray by reading her story you’ll be strengthened to continue your own refining season, with the confidence of how God works all the hard things together for good. I’m honored to have Allison share her story.

Allison’s Story

Sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through Pinterest, I heard my husband Ben answer his phone. We’d been waiting on this call for a couple of weeks and my heart constricted tighter and faster listening to his end of the conversation. Though he was mostly nodding and scribbling notes, not saying much, I could tell the results showed something.

Hanging up the phone, he turned to tell me the results: a rare (1 in 100,000 boys) genetic disorder. Three extra chromosomes. A spectrum of possibilities but physical and intellectual difficulties guaranteed. Apraxia. Hypotonia. Possible heart issues. Anxiety. Recurring pneumonia. Of course, our pediatrician advised us not to Google the syndrome, and of course, I didn’t listen.

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Refining Series: What If God Is Up To Something?

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“See I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”-Isaiah 48:10

The Refining Process

Refining is a process in which impurities are removed from oil, metals, and not surprisingly, Followers of Christ. The refining process begins with something in a crude state being turned into something useful. The impurities are extracted with chemicals or heat, resulting in the purest form.

So why do we need to be refined? Could it be our character and habits need to be purified? Is it because God has a wonderful plan for what we will become and a refining season will help us get there?

What does the refining process look like for a child of God? Most often He uses trials and setbacks, sickness and loss, pain and heartache. He often uses the people closest to us, including our spouse’s and children. Perhaps He’ll use our boss, coworker or neighbor.

Now you’re excited! Stay with me.

Most of us are cruising along in life, loving Jesus, going to church, growing in our faith and then BAM, something bad happens. When the trial comes, we’re stunned! We ask all the questions because we’re disappointed. We question our loving God.

  • “God, why?”

  • “God, if you are good, why is this bad thing happening?”

  • “God this is too hard! I can’t do this and why do you think I can?”

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

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Trusting God Series: God Is Trustworthy

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” -Psalm 145:13b

The best wisdom I can share about trust comes from God Himself. What He says about Himself in the Word has convinced me beyond the shadow of a doubt He is trustworthy. I’m tenacious enough that when God speaks, I long to listen and believe. Of course, we all struggle with unbelief, but there was a season of great testing where I learned about trust.

“Do you trust Me?” - God

My husband and I had been married for seven years and had three children under five when he became sick with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Our newborn was two months old when the first paralysis took place. God had just brought us through an amazing miracle with our baby, so our faith was strong, but we had no idea the devastation we’d face in the next two-and-a-half years, as the disease progressed.

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

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Trusting God Series: Knowing God

“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.”- Jeremiah 24:7

Do you know God?

I spent most of my childhood and teen years knowing about God, but I didn’t know Him at all. He seemed distant, aloof and uninterested. I knew He was holy and to be revered, but I didn’t understand how revering Him would impact me. My Grandma taught me to be quiet in the vestibule and sit still for everyone around me while at her little Lutheran church. We didn’t attend that often, so church always felt a little stiff and formal to me. There was singing songs with lots of verses, reading from the Word and praying, but I didn’t really know how it effected me personally; there was no awe for me. I recognized some stories from the Bible as learned on the flannel graph in Sunday School. I knew Easter was a big deal because we got up early for sunrise service and I got wear a new dress and head to my Grandmas with all my cousins.

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