Revitalize Your Empty Nest Marriage: Remove Contempt to Embrace Respect
/“Show proper respect to everyone.” - 1 Peter 2:17
Discontent Rumbles
This low-level discontent rumbled in my heart for months. I was 26 years into our marriage, and I felt dissatisfied. Our nest started to empty but our busy ministry schedule, children’s activities, and obligations kept us running hard.
Maybe I was tired. Maybe I was frustrated with the ministry, nevertheless, I took it out on my husband.
He couldn’t do anything right, in my estimation. I’d mumbled under my breath and had critical, negative thoughts towards him. Oh, I didn’t act like anything was wrong. No sir! I kept up the charade!
Even coworkers at the church office noticed how we snipped at each other. Pastor Adam, our worship leader, called us on it one day. “You guys sure bicker a lot!” he said. “We do?” I thought, slightly irritated and convicted by his comment.
Here’s the deal, my husband knew nothing about my simmering contempt because I didn’t tell him. The problem wasn’t his behavior'; it was the condition of my heart. I allowed myself to be embittered and filled with contempt for his slightest missteps. I magnified his mistakes while I was puffed up with pride for what a great wife I was.
Goodness! What a recipe for disaster. I’m grateful the Lord met with me through prayer as He dealt with my pride. After reading Gary Thomas’, Sacred Marriage, I knew I needed to handle my heart (a.k.a. my sin).
As Gary Thomas recommended, I made a list of all my husband's admirable qualities: personality traits, physical attributes, and character qualities. It wasn’t hard to come up with a beautiful, long list. My heart swelled as I continued to add to the list. Then I made another list: all the ways I fell short. I listed my sins and they were many.
I was disgusted with myself, but I did not feel condemned. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized my shortcomings. God ministered to me, those weeks, as I prayed over these lists. My admiration for my husband grew and my understanding of all the ways I fell short had a lasting impact. I dealt with my pride before God and He was most tender with me. The contempt and discontent faded away.
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