Four Key Questions to Find Purpose in the Empty Nest

/
Four Key Questions to Find Purpose in the Empty Nest

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life—for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

Longing for Days Past

Nancy headed to the grocery store, on a snowy morning, as her thoughts returned to her grown kids. “I loved those days when the kids were home. I schlepped them off to the store hoping no one would freak out in the checkout lane,” she giggled thinking about all the times someone had a meltdown.

“God had called me to stay home and care for them. I gave up my career because I wanted to. I was happy to answer the call of motherhood,” she thought.

 A tear rolled down her cheek as she pondered, “But now they’re grown, what's next for me?”

“I loved being a mom. I didn’t think ahead too much to this season,” she sighed. “I wonder what God has for me now? I feel lost and purposeless. When will the ache go away?” she wondered.

Adrift

It’s not uncommon to feel like a rudderless ship once your kids leave the nest. We’re adrift and lost, wondering when we'll land in port. 

We had our feet firmly planted in motherhood. We knew what was expected and even when we floundered, with challenges, we were confident in our roles as moms. We were secure and settled.

Now we face doubts and questions:

  • Where do we start to understand our purpose?

  • How can we know what God has for us in this season?

  • How do we find our actual purpose? 

  • How do we reinvent ourselves? 

  • Will we ever feel confident and self-assured again?

Read More

Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

/
Your Empty Nest Journey Begins: What to Expect When Your Kids First Move Out

The First Moments Without Them

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then took one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I as thoughts rolled through our minds and tears spilled. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. 

After 30 years of active parenting our five kids, our nest was empty. “What in the world would we fill our time with now that we weren’t running to their school activities.” I wondered.  I looked over at my husband as he wrapped his strong hand around mine. “It’s just me and you now,” I whispered. He looked at me with his warm hazel eyes and said, “I know baby, it’s gonna be okay.”

Our nests are empty! 

Most moms will come to this moment in their motherhood and will feel the weight of it. The journey with our children nearby has ended. Our normal rhythms are tossed aside. Suddenly, we can focus on our marriage and that can feel wonderful, or terrifying depending on how healthy our marriages are. 

Read More

Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

/
Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

I Couldn’t Say “No” to Hair Dye

I tilted my head forward to get a better view of my hair’s part-line.The new salt and pepper growth was a stark contrast to the chestnut brown dyed hair. “Ugh, I can’t do this!” I murmured. Who was I kidding? I’d been chasing that demarcation line for 15 years, shackled to that box of hair dye. Today, I said, “No more!”  I scheduled an appointment with my hairstylist. 

I’d been dreaming about having mid-length silver hair since I was 35 years old. I couldn’t wait to embrace my salt and pepper phase. I was going to be one of those amazing silver foxes. I even saved a photo on my phone for a decade. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to do it. 

The years went by and I didn’t have the courage to abandon the dye. I still had kids in school; I needed to wait. “It’s too soon,” I thought, until one day, it wasn’t!  At age 51, I was ready! Those first three months, I fixated over my new hair growth. I felt judged by other women with their shaming glances, as they noticed my broadening demarcation line.

At six months in, some people noticed and said, “Oh, you’re letting your natural color come in. It’s beautiful.” Each month, my confidence grew. Turns out the whole world wasn’t as fixated on my changing hair as I was. I grew out my gray for another six months, then chopped it off to a chin length bob and my journey was complete. Easy, peasy.

Isn’t it sad I didn’t say “no” to hair coloring sooner? I wasted all those years feeling pressured to look young.

Why We Can’t Say “No”

How about you? Have you ever wished you could say “no” to something but you didn’t have the guts to do it?

Most women have a hard time saying “no.” We’re conditioned by our people-pleasing tendencies. We don’t want to impose on anyone, all the while we become a little more resentful because we end up doing things we really don’t want to do. 

Read More

Christian Moms Guide: Four Strategies for Midlife Purpose

/
Christian Moms Guide: Four Strategies for Midlife Purpose

“Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go, whether to the right or to the left.’”- Isaiah 30:21

A God Nudge

Hunched in my comfy chair, scrolling through Facebook, I came across a quiz, “Would You Be a Good Life Coach?” Curiosity and anticipation welled in my chest. “Oh, I’ve been thinking about life coaching for a while. I think I’d really like it and it sounds like a great way to help women.” I thought.

Child number five entered college. My nest was empty. I had a future ahead where I wouldn’t be focused on mothering. After 30 years of active parenting, “What could I do? What was I good at?” I wondered. I wanted to contribute financially to our family and build my own business. 

Was I scared? Absolutely! But I needed to follow this God nudge.

I buzzed through the quiz and when I got the results, I checked every box. I didn’t have just a couple qualities, that made me an excellent coach. I had them all:  

  • You’re a good listener

  • You’re intuitive

  • You like to encourage

  • You’re a planner

  • You’re good at motivating people

  • You like to help people reach their goals  

  • You are patient 

  • You are passionate about self-development 

I was made for this!  

Quietly, I heard God whisper, “This is what I have for you now. Go ahead. You’d make a great life coach.” Excitement mingled with trepidation, but I took the plunge.  In the fall of 2019 I signed up with a reputable coach, for a 12 week training with Life Breakthrough Academy. It was exhilarating and overwhelming. The small cohort became a place of learning and growth. 

Four years later, coaching empty nest moms is as fulfilling as I imagined.

Read More

My Midlife Battle Cry

/
My Midlife Battle Cry

Have you ever received a surprise via email?

I opened my email and started reading about his gorgeous green book called, Midlife Battle Cry: Redefining the Mighty Second Half, by Dawn Barton. The email mentioned my niche to midlife women and asked if I’d be interested in a free copy. Well, my ears perked up and I said, “Yes, I’d love a free copy of this book.”  All I had to do, in return, was write a blog for “my people” and share it on social media. Easy Peasy. The book arrived a few days later.
That evening, I crawled into the hot bubble bath and opened the introduction. I was hooked, even though she jokingly said, “No one reads the introduction.” I always read the introduction because this is where the writer tells us what we get from reading said book.  

She talked about the shock of reaching the “fiddy” milestone birthday and all the expectations we carry along with a bag of regrets. We wonder what’s next and if we’re all a little washed up in midlife.She proposes the second half is the best and half and I have to agree. 


More About the Book

 From the back cover:  “In Midlife Battle Cry, hilarious bestselling author Dawn Barton blends stories, insights and –yes some sass—to inspire you to 

  • embrace who you are physically, spiritually, and emotionally;

  • make your midlife a pivot point into a bold and powerful season; 

  • share your experience and wisdom; and 

  • accept that sometimes adding arch support to your favorite shoes is the way to go.”

Read More

Keys to Finding Your Purpose

/
Keys to Finding Your Purpose

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. - Ephesians 2:10

Get Curious

Having launched our fourth child into college, I was facing an empty nest in a few years. Though I was sad to see this season of active parenting end, I was eager to focus on myself. I was excited to dream. Questions swirled through my mind:

  • What could I do now?  

  • What am I good at? 

  • What have I always wanted to do?

  • What lights me on fire?

Scrolling through Facebook one day I came across an ad for Hope*writers, an online community of writers. The word hope inspired me. I had been journaling for decades, but I had never written publicly. I knew I was good at encouraging others. Isn’t writing simply encouraging others with words? I had a twenty year old dream to write a book. Everytime I spoke at churches or women’s events, people would say, “When are you going to write a book?” I kept saying, “One day I will.” 

I was a Mass Communications/Speech Communication double major in college, so I was passionate about speaking. I feel most alive on stage. I got to thinking, I know absolutely nothing about writing a book: I better learn. I joined Hope*writers with a dream in my heart and a backpack full of fears. I didn’t know anything about writing, and I struggled with technology. Every task felt insurmountable, but I felt this nudge from God to pursue my dream of writing a book and so I began my writing journey.

Now What?

We will all come to the day where we’ll ask ourselves, what do I do now that my kids are grown? What is my purpose in this season of motherhood? We can languish in despair or we can follow the passion inside. We can pursue the activity that lights our hearts on fire. We can dust off our dreams and get busy. 

Read More