New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

‘For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”-Colossians 3:3 NLT

Once we accept Christ as Savior, He holds our life. We become hidden in Christ with God, and we belong to Him always. It’s the sweetest promise of belonging as a daughter of God. 

I walk into my new school, twelve years old, my parents newly divorced. I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.  My mom needed to leave my dad because he chooses the bottle of whiskey over us. It’s a relief to be out from under the tyranny of it all. As an underdeveloped 12-year-old with a pixie, I know I’m not going to win any popularity contest, for sure.  Navigating the new school is a challenge. I didn’t know living in a trailer court was a bad thing. I naively thought it was fun to have friends close by if you wanted someone to hang out with.

I quickly learned not to tell anyone about my address at the trailer court after the first reaction I received.  Disgust. It was written all over her face as I tell her where I live. This moment is where I first learn to pretend; put up the facade then no one will know how disgusting I am. It wouldn’t take long before I understood the term, “trailer trash.”  Be nice, be kind, but don’t tell anyone where you live. Shame has been my companion for a while already. I just want to belong.

This need to belong, to have a place, is a universal need. Sometimes we like to convince ourselves life would be easier alone. We resort to this thinking often when we’ve been hurt. Being alone leads us to self-reliance, the opposite of what Christ requires. He is delighted when we depend on Him alone. 

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New Year: New Identity, Life In Christ

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New Year: New Identity, Life In Christ

“Living within you is the Christ who floods you with the expectation of glory. This mystery of Christ, embedded within us, becomes a heavenly treasure chest of hope filled with the riches of glory for his people, and God wants everyone to know it!” Colossians 1:27

As we begin this journey about identity, let’s look at how culture defines identity. Our culture tells us our worth stems from what we do, or who we are. Success, talent, money, a try-hard attitude, health, beauty, and the approval of others dictate our value. If we do all these things well, we are seen as valuable. If we lack these characteristics, we are seen as invaluable. 

When we are in Christ our identity flows from His goodness and is not dependent on us or others. He is the source of our identity. To understand what Christ has done for us, we need to start from when Christ first comes to dwell with us.

The Sweetest Surrender

The young pastor preaches passionately for a large group of wiggly teens in Calvin Klein jeans and Reeboks. This is the first time I’m exposed to the message of salvation in Christ. At church youth group, I feel out of place and different from everyone there. I sense God drawing me to Himself, but there is a wall of shame and brokenness I hide behind and not even God’s love can penetrate it. I’m not good enough or worthy to be near God. I feel like an outcast in this group of squeaky clean church kids. From the outside, I seem alright, but my home life is difficult with my stepfather’s alcoholism. If they only knew.

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New Year: New Identity

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New Year: New Identity

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.”

-Ephesians 17-19

When You Feel Unloved

She sits on the chair with a pillow behind her because her feet don’t touch the ground. I sit on the couch with my long legs curled under me.  We sip warm cups of coffee and chatter nonstop. We are polar opposites in temperament and physical characteristics as I usually interrupt her, because I’m impatient, whereas she’s calm, deliberate, and steady as the sunrise.

Our conversation turns to matters of the heart, as usual.  We’re both grown women with children and grandchildren who still struggle with wounds of our past.  We were both raised by alcoholic fathers. We get each other. Doesn’t it feel helpful to process the pain with a friend? 

She talks about feeling unnoticed, not valued. I ask her the same question, “What does Papa say about you?”  She sheepishly grins and says, “He says, I’m loved, I’m accepted, and I’m valuable, no matter what I feel.” I can’t resist the twinkle in her eyes as she remembers the truth about who she is in Christ. She remembers she’s God’s beloved. How soon we forget.  The conversation continues as we talk about God’s goodness and His love for us.

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Take The First Step Towards God

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Take The First Step Towards God

“Come close to God and He will come close to you.”- James 4:8

Connection and love are deep needs. God places these needs in us to draw us to Himself. I don’t have to feel alone because when I move towards Him, He moves towards me. The simple truth is you can be as close to God as you choose.

I sit on the tree swing hung in the oak of our backyard. It’s a carefree summer day.  My brothers are at play; Dad works the farm. Mom is likely in the garden or the kitchen preparing food.  I feel alone and small. I longed to be with people. Even at a young age, I hated the solitude of the farm.  

I want to be where the people are. Maybe I could go hang out with my cousins, seven miles down the road, or go to my friend, Molly’s house. Her house is bustling with activity because she lives in town. I admire the neighbors close-by. I imagine the people who live there are never lonely because all they have to do is step outside and greet a neighborhood friend.

My Grandparents live in town too, and their house is my favorite because there is always someone there. With my Grandparents’ six children and twenty-two grandchildren, there is no shortage of family nearby.  Grandma loves to play games. She teaches us card games, dice games, Chinese Checkers, and Marbles. 

Grandma has time for us, and her beds are the most comfortable. It’s like the pillowcases are dusted with love. An impromptu sleepover ends with me wearing one of Grandpa’s huge t-shirts. My tiny frame is wrapped in softness and love as I sleep. My grandparents dole out endless hugs and trips to the candy jar in the hall closet. I’m certain I’m their favorite, but if you ask my cousins, they’ll tell you they think they’re the favorite, too. Funny how that works.

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

Have you ever thought about your motivation for meeting with God? Do you do it out of duty,  obligation, or is delight the reason to sit with Papa? The reason we chose to commune with God matters and when we operate out of delight, we will sense the Father’s love and in turn, feel closer to Him.

A Different Approach

This day I try something different during my morning devotions.  Instead of journaling my usual prayer requests and reading the Word, I chose to sit in God’s presence and sense His delight. It fills my heart with joy as I imagine my good Papa pleased with me. I revel in who He is and admire all the things I love about Him.  I praise Him for His goodness, faithfulness, love, peace, protection, provision, guidance, and wisdom.  

I meditate on all the beautiful qualities of His character and I rest in His love for me. In spite of my sin, bad habits, shortcomings, and failures, God delights in me and that truly makes me want to love and serve Him better. I’m amazed at the joy and peace that washes over my soul.  

This quiet morning, I don’t want anything from Him, except to be with Him. I sense His delight and my heart burst with anticipation.  I delight in Him and He delights in me. It’s the same feeling I have when I connect well with my husband or a close friend. It’s too wonderful to comprehend.

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Read the Word for Connection

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Read the Word for Connection

“The word of God is living and active…” Hebrews 4:12a

Have you ever considered your relationship with God’s Word and the correlation to your connectedness with Him?  Today we’ll learn how to read the Word for transformation instead of information. 

It was a gray winter morning as I arose early again. It was my routine to spend time with God before the busyness of the day set it. The house was quiet, as I gathered my robe around my chilled body and heart. I opened my Bible, and I was overcome with sadness. There was a deep longing for connection with God, but I didn’t know how to attain it.  I sat there sullen, bored, and uninterested. Surely this wasn’t what communion with God should feel like. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of passion.

 How could I be bored with a living God? I knew I was supposed to study and memorize the Word. I knew I was supposed to hide it in my heart, but that day reading the Word felt routine and uninspired.  Was it my fault? Could I approach the Word differently? If I did approach it differently would I feel more connected to God? I longed for closeness and intimacy with Him

Reading for Transformation

Ruth Haley Barton’s, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, would be the lifeline that would change the way I related to the Word for the rest of my days.  She talks about the difference between reading a newspaper and a love letter. A newspaper is read to gather information. We gather information and analyze and do so quickly as we master the text, but a love letter is read to gather connection with the reader. In a love letter, we read between the lines and savor every word with its hidden meaning and connection. We read it over and over rehearsing our Loves heart and intention for us. 

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List the Gifts To Feel Close to God

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List the Gifts To Feel Close to God

Even though we are past Thanksgiving season, I want to carry gratitude into the rest of my days because the practice of keeping a gratitude list holds the key to feel close to God. The discipline of writing down a list each day changed me.

My Gray World

I sit in the dim early morning hours frustrated, empty, prayers don’t come. God seems far away. I open the Word but nothing speaks to me. The world feels grey. Where is the joy? Am I bored? Where has my usual sunny disposition gone? I feel unsettled, so unlike myself. God seems far away and I’ve lost the wonder. What can I do? Something needs to change.

I remember the book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  There had been a buzz about it in Christian circles, and I knew I needed to read it; maybe it held a key.  I devoured the book then invited a few friends over to watch the video series with me. Her words captured me. She’s an artist and poet and spoke vulnerably of the pain she experienced, and how God showed her Himself through the act of keeping a gratitude journal. The book and practice of gratitude would change me forever and bring me closer to God.

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”-Sarah Ban Breathnach 

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Make Your Life A Prayer

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Make Your Life A Prayer

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series talking about prayer. Is prayerlessness keeping you far from God? Perhaps you have a narrow view of prayer.  Let’s talk about how to have a continual conversation with God.

“Make your life a prayer.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 TPT

My View of Prayer

I had some rigid ideas about what prayer should look like when I first met the Lord over thirty years ago. I was more concerned about myself than I was about connecting to God. I wanted to do it right and say the right words. I wanted to seem spiritual. I wrongly assumed somehow if the words weren’t right,  God wouldn’t hear me.

As a Christian, I knew the right thing to do. I was to happily rise early and have a quiet time with God, reading my Bible, and praying for people. It felt like an assignment or obligation. I needed to check it off my “Good Christian Girl” checklist so I would be approved by God. I was quite proud of myself for doing it right.

Imagine the shame I’d feel when I missed a few days. Regret. Surely God was disappointed with me, so how could I possibly read my Bible again?  It’s funny how the devil hooks us with our performance. When we believe the lie our relationship with God depends on what we do, it’s a very slippery slope.  The truth that rescues us is to remember we love Him because He first loved us. He was pursuing us long before we met Him. Doesn’t that minimize the performance pressure?

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part [of my heart] You will make me know wisdom.”- Psalm 51:6 AMP

We are continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series with the topic of vulnerability.  Do you struggle to be vulnerable with God? Does shame have the opposite effect and cause you to hide from Him?  It could be a reason you don’t feel close to Him.

I Messed Up Again

I blew it again. I wanted to be a patient, loving mom. I could be calm and gentle but if things escalated my inclination was to be bossy and brash. I demanded obedience, and my kid’s disrespect was hard to handle.  I especially felt like a failure with my son Caleb. He was an active boy with a strong will who wanted to call the shots. I felt exasperated most of the time. One frustrating morning, Holy Spirit gently asked, “why are you so angry with Caleb?”  I was shocked at first. But Holy Spirit was right, I was frustrated and I’d respond in anger, which was just escalating every interaction with my wild boy. 

I was filled with shame and regret each time I responded harshly to him.  This mothering was the one thing I was called to do and I felt like I failed every day.  I wanted to hide from God. I was humiliated and embarrassed by my behavior. After all, my kids were just little humans who deserved grace, patience, and gentle training. 

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Building A Close Relationship with God Series: Look Up

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Building A Close Relationship with God Series: Look Up

“Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always,”-1 ChroniclesFo 16:11

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship With God Series with a look at focus. 

Focus

What we focus on becomes magnified in our lives.  Focusing on pain and difficulty enlarges them, but focusing on God brings us peace.

Often God seems far off because our view of Him is clouded by our difficult circumstances.  We need to shift our focus in order to see God. It’s in the shifting we experience His presence, which helps us have the ability to get through our hard days or frustrating moments.

The rambunctious child on the playground reaches to grab the monkey bars, but he slips and comes crashing down. Tears stain his face as he surveys the playground looking for the face of his father.  Daddy swoops in and picks him up and says, “Look at me, it’s going to be okay.” Dad holds the child close and comforts him.

She’s labored for hours as waves of pain sweep through her body, so she can bring forth this life inside of her.  She knows to look up. She focuses on her husband’s face and he counts her through the contraction. She’s drawing strength and courage from him to continue her arduous task.

Each of these has learned the value of focus.  When they look to someone stronger they know they can make it through. When they shift their gaze from the pain they are experiencing, they receive comfort and care. And so it goes with our good God.

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Building A Close Relationship With God Series: Overcome Religious Lies

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Building A Close Relationship With God Series: Overcome Religious Lies

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”-John 8:32

One of the main reasons people don’t feel close to God is because they believe a religious lie, often picked up in childhood.  Have you ever thought about what you believe about God? Could you believe a lie? It may be the reason you feel far from Him.

Ann Believed a Religious Lie

Ann grew up in the church and remembers feeling a connection to God as a child, but as an adult, she feels God is far off. She can never measure up to all the Christian do’s and don’ts, and the standards are just too hard for her to keep.  She feels disappointed in herself when she doesn’t read her Bible enough or want to go to church. It’s hard for her to feel a connection to God when she’s in church, so she figures, what’s the point?

She likely believes a lie that in order to be loved by God she has to perform perfectly. She believes she needs to earn His love, and when she makes a mistake or doesn’t follow through with the perceived do’s and don’ts of Christian living, God doesn’t love her.

She is absolutely wrong because God’s love isn’t earned, it’s given freely based on His goodness, not ours.

We all have different views of God and most of us are likely living out some distorted view of Him based on our personal experience, our family, and our church dynamics. The hardest part is most of us never question the distorted views of God we carry.

I’m convinced none of us escapes this ploy as the Enemy lies to us about God. The Bible explains the role the devil plays like this, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”-John 8:44 A major tactic of the Enemy is to lie to us about God to prevent us from moving closer to him

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Building a Close Relationship with God Series: Be Still

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Building a Close Relationship with God Series: Be Still

“He says, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’” Psalm 46:10

Building a close relationship with God takes time. Relationships grow as they are tended to and often we have to overcome the obstacles which make God seem far off. I don’t want to offer you more religious activity to work your way closer to God. Instead, I want to help you pay attention to some different ways of relating to God and this will help you have a stronger connection. How close do you want to be?

  It doesn’t matter if you’ve walked with God for years or have just begun a relationship with Him, we can all build more intimacy with our Creator. God is willing to move closer to us, but He longs to be invited near. Join me on this journey as we discover ways to build a close relationship with God.

I stood at the sink finishing up dinner dishes, overwhelmed with my “to do” list.  Appointments and activities with the kids, a project at work, and things to do at the church all raced through my mind.  Juggling parenthood, ministry life, and managing the house seemed overwhelming and left me in a constant state of motion.  It had become the norm for my adult life, ever pushing forward, keep working, continue going, always producing.

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

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Refining Series: A Mother's Grief

We are wrapping up our Refining Series today with a powerful story about grief. I met Bekah in an online writing group called Hope*writers and was part of the launch team for her newly published book, Can’t Steal My Joy: The Journey To A Different Kind of Brave. Bekah shares the story of her two sons’ diagnosis with an incurable genetic disorder. In a matter of months, she lost her firstborn, Titus and now battles the disease with her son, Ely. Her book is the most honest portrayal of pain juxtaposed with the hope of Christ. I read her book in one sitting and came away inspired and challenged by her courage through a devastating loss. It’s an honor to share Bekah’s story.

Bekah’s Story

I grew up in the southeastern desert of Idaho at the base of a beautiful mountainscape. And I loved the mountains, but some of my favorite memories growing up came from our vacations to the central coast of California where my grandparents lived. When we visited, we knew we were always in for a fish fry, a Santa Maria BBQ, and trips to the beach.

And oh, how I loved the trips to the beach! We would catch sand crabs and put them in a bucket, watching them burrow back down to safety. I loved walking along watching for the little bubbles that would tell you to start digging because a crab was sure to be under there. I also loved building things out of the sand. Sandcastles, covering ourselves in the sand, making animals. It was all fun. And then we’d watch as the tide would swish in, slowly and surely taking apart whatever we built. I had no idea as a kid, I would one day feel like my life was one such sandcastle getting tormented and destroyed by waves with no control over the matter.

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

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Refining Stories: A Toxic Marriage

I have two stories left to share to conclude the Refining Series.

I was especially touched by Debra’s story. She endured a toxic marriage for many years in hopes he would change. I believe God can restore any marriage if people are willing to change and partner with God. Unfortunately, there are toxic people who don’t want to change. Debra experienced years of pain in her marriage yet allowed God to refine her in the midst of her heartache. It is an honor to share Debra’s story today.

Debra’s Story:

Ten years into my marriage of 22 years, I became aware of my husband’s sexual addiction, same-sex attraction, and acting out.  Through it all, he had kept up an appearance of godliness while engaging in a pursuit of sinfulness. As a Christian, I know “God hates divorce”,  so I would not give up hope of restoring our marriage. I continued to offer grace and forgiveness while facing each disappointment. 

 As years passed, I persevered through the lies and deception.  I always wanted to believe my husband was getting the help he needed and making progress, desiring to heal the brokenness of our marriage. Each time I believed we were on the road to a restored marriage, I would discover more of his ongoing deception.  We continually needed to start over, rebuilding from “ground zero”.  

While attending counseling, small group sessions, marriage classes, and intensive weekend therapy sessions, my nightmare remained a well-kept secret from family and friends. Experiencing the hurt, pain, embarrassment, shame and betrayal of someone, who I thought loved me and loved God, was paralyzing. I remained isolated.  Bearing it alone was a heavy burden, but I continued believing God would heal and restore the marriage, keeping our family intact.  

 My kids were unaware of the issues. They were ages 3 and 8 when things began.  Feeling zombie-like from endless sleepless nights, I was determined to provide stability and wholeness for them.  I worked to keep up the facade of being a happy mom, while on the inside experiencing anxiety and depression. 

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,”                                                                                                                                    -James 1:4

As we wrap up this series, I wanted to talk about one of the most important byproducts of refining: perseverance.  Perseverance does not come naturally, and it’s built into our character by the practice of not giving up. It’s a challenge to persevere because we long for a life of ease and comfort. It’s why we struggle with exercise, keeping our house clean, paying off debt, or working on broken relationships because they all require hard work and perseverance. We can learn to persevere through practice.

My husband and I had been in a health-related trial for many months. My husband was sick, and there was no cure in sight.  I was watching the news one evening and a report came on about pit bulls. The dog owner held up a braided rope with a large braided ball at the end.  The owner hovered it over the pit bulls head and it jumped up and latched onto the ball with its powerful jaws and did not let go. The pitbull hung mid-air latched on to the rope with all its might.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “I want you to be just like that pit bull. You hold on to Me and never let go.” It was a beautiful image of tenacity, and it would become the theme of my days.

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

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Refining Stories: We Don't Have to Hide Negative Emotions From God

I have three more stories to share this month as we wrap up our Refining Series. My hope in sharing these stories is to help you not feel alone while being refined. The refining process is for all of God’s kids and it’s not meant to be seen as a punishment but rather training.

Ally talks about how it was difficult for her to bring negative emotions to God. I think we’ve all felt the need to tidy ourselves up a bit before we come to God, have we not? But she learned a valuable tool to help her move forward and to get a revelation about how God saw her. I’m honored to share Ally’s story today.

Ally’s Story

In 2006, I met a boy at a party. I was a freshman in the first week of college; he was a sophomore engineering student. A few days after we met, he asked if I want to go for a walk. We started walking every day. To class. To the Arboretum. To TCBYs. We were inseparable. He liked showing me off to his friends, telling them I was his perfect girl. His friends became my friends. He took months to kiss me- I remember thinking"This is what gentlemen do".

I don't know when the comments started. I did not notice at first because I read the world as black and white. The red flags I knew to beware were the obvious ones: are they pressuring you? Are they flat out mean to you? Those aren't your friends. His comments weren't like that, though. "You would look really good in that dress... If you lost like 5 pounds." "Do you really want to eat the whole cookie/the whole sandwich/the whole meal? I'm just looking out for you." "Do you really need to go spend time with your friend? I wanted to see you. I studied last night so I could keep tonight free for you". Always guilt. Always my fault. Always ways I could be better. 

Two years later, standing in the rain outside of his apartment after an argument, I broke up with him. For real this time.

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

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Refining Series: Fear Bows to God's Faithfulness

Today on the blog we’re going to address fear. First off let’s remove the shame because we all struggle with fear. Fear comes in many forms: anxiety, worry, alarm, panic, distress, dread, unease. The challenge is God wants to set us free from it and He will use trials to prove His faithfulness. Even when the worst-case scenario happens, God is near and able to help us in our distress.

“They will not live in fear or dread of what may come, for their hearts are firm, ever secure in their faith. Steady and strong they will not be afraid, but will calmly face their every foe until they all go down in defeat.” Psalm 112:7-8

I had a recurring dream for most of my adult life.  I dreamt I’d given birth to a tiny, premature baby, and the helpless babe would evaporate in front of my eyes.

Gone. My baby was gone.  

I’d wake up after each nightmare convinced I had just delivered a baby. It was otherworldly and scared me to death and filled me with dread. 

Fear is like that: it lurks in our dreams.

Imagine my horror when I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks with our third child.  These were no Braxton Hicks contractions; it was the real deal, and I was terrified. I raced to the doctor's office, and they placed me on a monitor immediately.  The readings confirmed my deepest fear. I was going to deliver a tiny infant. It was too soon. Images from my nightmares flooded my head and paralyzed me. I had never told anyone about the nightmares, and that day I was sure they would come to pass.

I was hospitalized to be monitored and strong drugs were administered to stop the contractions.  The irony was that I was to remain still, while the medicine made my heart race like I was running a marathon.  

The doctors performed tests to see what was causing the extra amniotic fluid.  The Doctor spoke in hushed tones as serious potential outcomes were discussed about the health of our baby. I was sent home for six weeks of bed rest as the goal was to get me to 37 weeks gestation.

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

As part of my Refining Series, I’m sharing Refining stories; stories of women who have wrestled with God, through difficult situations and let Him refine them. They felt the sting of disappointment and have run to God with their pain. In turn, God has revealed more of His character to them.

Today I share a story many are familiar with, the refining from an injury. As much as we wish we wouldn’t get injured or hurt, it happens because we live in a fallen world. But God offers us Himself in these seasons. I pray her words bring you comfort. I am honored to share Rebekah’s story with you.

Rebekah’s Story:

One day early in basketball season, during my junior year of college, a group of teammates talked about how awful an injury, especially a torn ligament, would be.

“That would be awful,” one said. “I don’t know how I’d keep going,” said another.

I don’t know how I’d respond, I thought to myself. I haven’t been injured longer than a day or two.

It wasn’t my experience yet, but it was coming, and I would have a lot to learn in the process.

Midway through that season, during our holiday tournament, I had played well in Game 1, and my performance early in Game 2 set me up well for all-tournament honors. Toward the end of the second game, however, I took one wrong step. No contact from another player, no accident. Just a step and my knee buckled.

I wanted to deny it, but my knee continued to swell, and all the telltale signs were there. I heard the results of my MRI the day after Christmas: I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in my left knee.

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Refining Series: When You Feel Utterly Alone

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Refining Series: When You Feel Utterly Alone

When you pass through the deep, stormy sea, you can count on me to be there with you. When you pass through raging rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through persecution like fiery flames, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you, for I am your Savior, Yahweh, your mighty God, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 43:2-3a

The sun was barely up as I plopped my weary body into my “Jesus Chair.”  My friend, Karen, named it that because it was the chair I sat in every morning to meet with Jesus.  It was a cozy space I created to pray and read the Word each day, but this day instead of feeling warm, I felt alone, utterly lost.  

Persistent Pain

The pain had kept me up again another night.  It wasn’t a new thing. The pain bore through my neck and upper back.  It was relentless in its pursuit. It persisted and was a result of a car accident I had years before.  I quit talking about pain. I quit asking others for prayer, and I quit asking God myself because honestly, it didn’t seem like my Jesus was interested.  I had gone through seasons of pouring over the healing scriptures, praying them, and believing for them, but still, the pain persisted. I was exhausted and spent.

I begged God to show me what He wanted me to learn? Was there something I was doing wrong?  The rule follower in me wanted to know what I could fix. My prayers looked like this: “Jesus, just tell me and I’ll fix it!  I’ll change! I’ll do whatever you want!” It all seemed desperate and futile. What was the point of all this physical pain?

Sweetly and gently, the Holy Spirit whispered, “You may feel alone, but you're actually not alone.  I’m right here with you. I’ve been with you every moment and I’ll be with you until the end of time.”

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

As part of my Refining Series I will share Refining Stories. Stories of women who have wrestled with God and let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting on disappointment and have allowed God to refine them.

Today I’m excited to share Andrea’s story. It’s a story about the pain of rejection and haven’t we all felt it at one time or another? I pray her words bring your comfort. i am honored to share Andrea’s story with you.

Andrea’s Story:

My pulse raced with excitement as I walked into the sanctuary for the congregational meeting. Nerves were present, but it was mostly an alive sort of feeling. This vote could set me on the course of something I felt driven and called to do! This was forever going to change the trajectory of my life, my career and my faith! I just hadn’t imagined how much it would.

A couple months prior to that moment, I had found myself spending almost all of my free time serving as a worship leader and a youth leader for a little church in my town. Was I officially trained for any of that? Nope. Civil engineering was my full-time day job. Music was just a hobby, and teenagers were honestly kind of a mystery. However, music was what made my heart come alive and was what I could spend hours doing without fatigue. 

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