Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

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Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

“We come closer to God and approach him with an open heart, fully convinced that nothing will keep us at a distance from him.” -Hebrews 10:22 TPT

Honest Conversation With God

It’s late afternoon, in early spring, as I peer at the clouds outside my window. The grey day amplifies the dreariness in my heart; I cannot shake the sadness, as melancholy has is my unwelcome companion. My sunny disposition is buried in the loss of people, comfort, and health.

We are four weeks into the pandemic, and I have only left the house once a week for groceries and once a week on Sundays to go record the live stream message with my hubby, the pastor.

I crawl into my favorite chair in my office. I wrap myself in a cozy blanket, and I weep. The floodgates open as I unload my grief. I don’t even recognize it as grief, at first. I miss people. I miss connection and conversation. I’m worried about our grown kids. Will my elderly parents with fragile bodies survive this pandemic? I am also overwhelmed by the political upheaval in our nation. I pour out my sadness to Papa.

I don’t have to pretend with Papa. He already knows everything that’s going on inside. He doesn’t judge me or condemn me. I hear Him whisper, “Go ahead and cry, Honey. I’m right here. I know this is scary and unfamiliar. I know you miss all your people immensely, but I’m here, I’m with you. I’ll help you through this.”

I feel the warmth of God’s peace as real as my cozy blanket. I’m going to keep coming back to this place whenever I’m overwhelmed. Papa’s love calms me best. I’m glad I can be honest with Him. I’m thankful for His loving-kindness towards me in my pain.

God is Safe

There is nothing blocking us from being close to God because Jesus covers our shame. We are safe with God. He allows us to draw near with the full assurance of His love. The Father is happy to see us, but He’s not looking for the cleaned-up version of ourselves. He wants us to be “real.” He’s not looking for the Sunday morning, mask-wearing version. You know, the one that is polished, perfect, and says “I’m fine!” That version rarely draws near to God.

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2

As we move forward with learning to be vulnerable to God, we must talk about how shame affects our relationship with our Creator. Shame keeps us from connection with God.

My Companion, Shame

I arrive early to high school and hear a commotion in the gym. I quietly open a side door so as to not draw attention and peer inside. The gym is filled with excited students, all standing at different tables with the State signs lifted high. It’s Student Council elections and oh, how I wish I was amidst the crowd of students. I’m organized, competent, and friendly, all the qualities necessary for leadership, but no one knows that about me.

Shame won’t allow me to join. Shame has been my constant companion for many years ever taunting me, crushing my heart, and making me feel small and worthless. She’s like a heavy, itchy coat I need to take off, but she keeps me safe, ever hidden, never exposed. She also hinders my ability to connect or belong.

Shame speaks loudly and harshly, filling my mind with words of condemnation. “You’re not good enough.” “If only they knew.” Shame belittles and lies. But I’m not strong enough to recognize the lies, so I continue to wear the uncomfortable coat.

Shame shapes every interaction I have with people. It makes me afraid to try new things for fear of rejection. Oh, how I resent those who are fearless. See, shame tells me I must pretend as I plaster on the smile and the optimistic outlook. Can they see the sadness behind my eyes? Is my brokenness amplified in their brave confidence? If they knew what was hidden inside, they’d want nothing to do with me.

Shame tells me I’m flawed, there’s no good in me. I imagine these kids in the gym come from beautiful families, where a peaceful conversation is held around the dinner table. They don’t go to sleep listening to the alcoholic step-dad arguing with their mom. If they knew what my home was like, they’d reject me, so instead, I hide.

Meeting Jesus at age twenty-one changes everything. I’m told He bore my sin and shame Himself. He literally took it for me. Jesus bore my shame on the cross, so I can draw near to God. God sees me as beautiful, cherished, lovely because Jesus stands between me and God. Jesus covers the ugliness of my sin and shame. It’s the best news I ever heard.

Brene Brown says, “People who aren’t good with vulnerability are usually really good at shame.”

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

“Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”- Psalm 51:6

Vulnerability With God

As we grow in our intimate connection with God it’s important to learn to be vulnerable with God. Some believe vulnerability makes us weak or feel out of control. Others are afraid to be vulnerable with God because shame tells them they are not worthy. The truth is vulnerability is the gateway to connection.

When I was going through a particularly stressful season in our ministry life, I learned about the vulnerability of King David as described in the Psalms. David’s words are raw, honest, almost painful in their vulnerability. He pours out his heart to God like nothing I’ve ever seen. He would become the model I used for my relationship with God.

Let’s look at an example: Psalm 142:1-7

“I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him, I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge. No one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion, in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”

David is experiencing deep sorrow. He feels abandoned and in need. He feels emotionally exhausted and weak, but instead of hiding from God, he runs to God and pours it all out. There’s no hesitation, or mask. David feels seen, understood, and heard. He then goes on to declare the goodness of God. What a beautiful way to relate to God.

In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says this about vulnerability:

“Our rejection of vulnerability often stems from associating it with dark emotions like fear, shame, grief, sadness, and disappointment-emotions that we don’t want to discuss, even when they profoundly affect the way we live, love, and work. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

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Closeness With God Begins With Longing

“I stretch out my hands to you; my soul longs for you as a parched land.”- Psalm 143:6

The place we need to start in order to feel closer to God is our longing. Most of us have buried it deep beneath our overextended schedules and our religious activity. When you have the courage to bring longing out in the presence of God, you will have a beautiful connection.

Empty

I sit in the early morning, coffee in hand, Bible opened, notebook ready to record my thoughts, and I feel empty. Warm tears fall as I pay attention to my soul. I’m weary from serving everyone and everything. I’m a pastor's wife, a mother of five, a volunteer, an employee, a friend, a parent stretched from all the kid’s activities. The weight of ministry demands coupled with the busy family has wrung me out.

I don’t know how to say “ no.” I overestimate my capacity then feel bitter when I have no margin in my days. And where’s God in all this hustling? He seems far away. Our relationship has gone cold. I’ve lost the wonder of sitting at His feet and embracing His heart. I’ve become too busy doing things FOR Him instead of sitting WITH Him. I need to make some changes. Longing is stirring within and I need to pay attention.

When was the last time you felt it-your own longing, that is? Your longing for love, your longing for God, your longing to live your life as it is meant to be lived in God? When was the last time you felt a longing for healing and fundamental change groaning within you?” -Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

Honestly, if I hadn’t read Haley Barton’s book I couldn’t have told you it was a longing that was stirring. I’d pushed my longing aside. It was buried deep, and I left no room for it to come out. It was hidden beneath my busy schedule and my service for God. It wasn’t safe to face my longing because I wasn’t sure anything would change. I faced my longing once and nothing came of it. The thought of being disappointed again made me want to keep my desires quiet. Instead, this time, I took the brave step and brought my longing out in the presence of God, and it was life-changing.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

e been thinking about this woman a lot. Maybe you know her?

She loves God. She’s walked with Him for many years, but she’s tired. She’s tired of the same old relationship. She keeps trying to work her way to Him by doing all the right things. She’s diligent but utterly frustrated. Deep down she feels empty but doesn’t know what to do.

She Loves God, But He Seems Distant

She loves God, but He seems distant and she can’t figure out why. She’s gone through her mental checklist:

  • I’m serving Him by giving of my time, gifts, and finances. Check.

  • I attend church regularly. Check.

  • I throw up some prayers in the morning. Check

  • I try to get along with my husband. Check.

  • I’m raising these kids the best I know-how. Check.

  • I try to read the Bible. Check.

    Yet, after doing all these things for God, she’s not quite connecting with God. She reads her Bible, but there’s no wonder jumping off the pages. She can’t always relate to the stories or understand how they apply to her. She tries to listen for God’s voice, but mostly she hears the lies of condemnation and shame, or she hears nothing at all. This reinforces her lack, which causes her to move farther away from God.

    She’s praying about things: deep things, hard things, and yet it feels like her prayers bounce off the ceiling. She’s begged, pleaded, even bargained with God, and still, He doesn’t answer her prayers the way she wants, so she assumes He’s mad at her.

    She longs for something deeper and richer but is frustrated with how to get there. The formulas fall flat, the awe of God is gone. She feels alone, isolated, and disappointed in her relationship with God.

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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How To Feel Secure When You're Upset

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How To Feel Secure When You're Upset

As we look at what it means to be secure in Christ, we need to remember it’s not just physically, but emotionally. When the circumstances in our lives are filled with pressure and we feel trapped by pain, loss, despair, or anxiety, there’s a place we can go for sweet relief.

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.” -Psalm 18:19

Pressure

I’m feeling the weight of it all today. This diagnosis has robbed my husband, Bob, of the ability to speak clearly; his mobility is taxed and his energy drained. Bob’s anxiety shoots through the roof as he wakes up each day with different limitations. Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a thief robbing him of his ability to work, provide, and engage in everyday life.

He retreats to his bed often, spent from emotional and physical exhaustion. Normally, he would push through exhaustion. He’s hard-headed, driven to accomplish tasks, and values hard work, however, his body defies his request to produce.

I’m left carrying the load with our three small children. The days feel long. I want to return to our old lives. This medical nightmare leaves me feeling alone and misunderstood. My days are filled with cooking, cleaning, parenting, and trying to navigate this ever-changing disease with my husband. There are new pressures and stress as we look forward to a disease with no cure. We face doctors who make educated guesses on how to treat the unending symptoms of memory loss, muscle spasms, tremors, and continuous nerve damage.

Each day I sneak away to a spacious place where God rescues me from worry, doubt, and fear. It’s not my reality, but by faith, I can confirm it’s existence. It’s a quiet place where Papa and I meet. I pour out my anguish, lost dreams, and endless trials. I unload my fears for the future, as the weight begins to lift. I rehearse the promises from scripture, and I hold on to hope, even when my reality is hopeless. I meditate on God’s goodness and character.

Being with Him, in this roomy space, helps me focus less on my troubles. Isn’t that the point of this walk with God, more of Him and less of me?

See, I imagine me and Papa in this perfect, expansive spot. This boundless area is void of sorrow and trouble. In my mind, it’s a meadow, full of flowers; the sun shines bright as God whispers His love. Other days I imagine a majestic mountain top, where God has brought me to sit with Him.

He stays with me and holds me. He tells me I’m seen. He speaks of His delight in me, which I can hardly believe because I’m just trying to hold it all together. He says, “Please don’t feel you must hold it all together, that’s my job. Your job is surrender.” I sigh and once again, release control, understanding, and will.

He assures me of His love and compassion in the messy middle of hardship. When I cry, “God, I can’t do this,” He lovingly asks me the same question. “Do you trust Me?” As warm tears roll down my cheeks, I whisper, “I do.”

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How to Feel Secure

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How to Feel Secure

We are wrapping up the five core factors in our identity in Christ. So far, we have discussed how we are loved, accepted, significant, and forgiven. For the month of June, we’ll talk about how we are secure in God because of Christ. These are the five truths of our Beloved Women’s Manifesto, and I hope it’s been helpful in your understanding of your identity in Christ.

“It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.” 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

As a child, I felt unsettled in who I was. Most days I lived afraid. I was afraid of the dark, afraid of thunderstorms, afraid of animals, afraid of the basement, afraid of shadows, afraid of disappointing my mom, and afraid of my father’s drunken outbursts.

As a teen, shame told me because I was the daughter of an alcoholic, there was something inherently wrong with me. I needed to hide. I hid behind my “good girl’ persona. I lived to please and perform. I was dutiful, diligent, and hid my insecurity. People wouldn’t accept me if they knew where I came from. I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, or talented enough, and surely not from the right kind of family.

I worked hard to feel secure, but like sand through my fingertips, I could never hold on to any security. Life felt shaky, and I was lost in who I was. Was I supposed to be a good girl? I had tried that all my life, and where did it get me? Still insecure. Maybe I’d fit in on the wild side? I tried to loosen the shackles of perfectionism and performance during my freshman year of college. Sure, it was fun, but it didn’t make me feel more secure.

My footing only felt secure once I surrendered to Christ.

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A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

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A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

This is a series on the power of forgiveness. Go to last week’s post to read my family’s story. As we begin to walk in our true identity in Christ, we understand we are forgiven. Since we are forgiven, Christ also requires us to extend forgiveness to others.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

A canopy of gold and red hangs above our heads as we meet at the park on this glorious October day. I sense God’s presence as I walk into a holy moment, one that changes the trajectory of my life. The sun shines brightly against the cornflower blue sky reminding me of the goodness of God. He is our light in the darkness, and I experience this truth profoundly in the weeks following the tragedy. This is the first time I will see Al’s face since the shooting.

Just two months earlier, I’m filled with rage towards my step-dad, Al. It’s been a slow boil for years as the devastation of alcohol abuse has wrung me out. The thought of him makes my stomach churn. The endless bottles of alcohol, his slurred speech, the ensuing arguments. The sad, emptiness in his eyes, as he’s in denial about his drinking. I find his behavior weak, repulsive, and I feel justified in my anger. I’m only nineteen but both my father and step-dad succumb to alcoholism, and I’m simply fed up. I should have compassion for his brokenness, but I only feel disgusted. I mean, come on, he shot my mom. Surely that warrants hatred? I am confident in my stance.

Until God interrupts my hatred!

The only explanation I have for my parent’s reconciliation is surrender and divine intervention. My step-dad surrenders in jail, while my mom has her own “come to Jesus” moment at home recovering from surgery. A local pastor’s wife reaches out to my mom, and they build a friendship. My mom is equally exhausted from a life of co-dependence being married to two alcoholics. Her first marriage ends because of my dad’s drinking. Her father is also a recovered alcoholic, which likely contributes to the familiarity of it all. She does not want this marriage to end in divorce.

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You Were Created to Do Good Things

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You Were Created to Do Good Things

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”- Ephesians 2:10

What Am I Good At?

I fidget nervously in front of everyone. My mouth is dry and I’m all awkward, lanky arms and legs in my eighth-grade speech class. I shuffle through my index cards to make sure I have them in the right order. Who do I focus on? I smile big and start my speech. Once I get going, I feel calm. “This isn’t so bad,” I think. I finish my three-minute speech and scurry back to my chair, grinning to myself, thinking, “I could do this again.”

Fast forward six years to my Oral Interpretation Class in college. An Oral Interpretation class is part speech and part theater. My handsome, young, professor is energetic and our class requires collaboration and discussion. I’m an eager student, ready to soak up all the knowledge and technique. I present a work by Edgar Allen Poe, and my professor gives me an outstanding critique. I’m hooked.

I’m not nervous in front of people now. Speaking comes natural, like riding a bike or skipping down a sidewalk. I feel at ease, confident, and completely energized. For the first time, I understand what I’m good at. I continue taking Speech courses and eventually graduate with a double major in Mass Communication and Speech Communication.

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Christ Accepts Me As His Friend

/ Pamela Henkelman Coaching/
Christ Accepts Me As His Friend

“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends since I have told you everything the Father told me.”- John 15:15

The Bond of Friendship

Rebekah is sprawled out on the couch after the 7-hour drive home. Keziah bursts through the front door and plops down next to Rebekah. They’re all arms and legs as they embrace on the couch the way sisters do. They cling to each other because of their closeness. Each is dealing with her own burden of loss. They know in each other, their tender hearts are safe.

Keziah’s a freshman in college forced to move home because of the coronavirus. She leaves all her friends and Chi Alpha community, along with her boyfriend. She’s come home to a town she barely knows since we moved here last June. Her high school friends are in another state.

Rebekah plans a visit home for her last college spring break. She’s filled with disappointment and frustration after all her college activities are canceled along with her college commencement. She’s the Executive Director of an organization that plans most of the activities on campus. She grieves the loss of events and relationships. Tears fall as they talk about their troubles.

They are more than sisters, they are friends.

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In Christ, You are A Part

/ Pamela Henkelman Blogger /Life Coach/
In Christ, You are A Part

“All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” -1 Corinthians 12:27

I Want to Belong

I survey the room looking for a warm face. Even though I’m outgoing and friendly, I hate that feeling when I enter a room and know no one. Or worse yet, I know them, but not well. If I know they’re a close-knit bunch I wonder if they’ll make room for one more. I feel self-conscious, too tall, too loud. It makes me want to shrink. I’m the girl on the outside waiting to be invited in.

I take a brave step forward and say “hi.” Win them with a big smile, I think. One person acknowledges me, but the rest carry on with their conversation. I feel awkward. Maybe I picked the wrong circle? Maybe it doesn’t have to do with me at all. My inclination is to talk fast and try to get someone involved in the conversation, so I don’t feel so stupid. I’ll offer a warm smile and hope for the best, but sometimes people don’t respond. Then I feel stupid and wish I hadn’t tried. Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point? Being a part is a risky business.

So the trick is to anticipate which group will invite me in. Which circle will include me? You know how women are. We’re not always the best at that, especially when we know each other well. We’re close, so we share our inside jokes and common interests. We can unknowingly give off the vibe of “you’re not one of us, and we don’t desire to expand our reach.” Perhaps that’s the voice of my inner critic keeping me from connection? It’s hard to tell some days. Either way, I tread lightly because I felt the sting of rejection.

Girls and women have been playing this game for years. The dance shows up in Girl Scouts, College Sororities, Mom Playgroups, Card Clubs, Coffee Clutches and Bible Studies. We want to be part of something great without fear of rejection.

You Can Be A Part

We have a need to belong and Christ invites us to be a part of His family, He calls His family the Body of Christ where He is the head and we are the parts. Each part is valuable and important. Some parts are open and visible while other parts are hidden, but not one part will be overlooked by Him.

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” -John 1:12

Many of us carry the scars of rejection and at our deepest core, we long to be accepted. We scan the horizon looking for proof of our acceptance only to feel rejected again. Jesus provides the way for acceptance as we become children of God.

I Am Accepted By God

The Christmas Eve program rehearsals are well underway in our tiny church. The church ladies demand respect and hard work. We rehearse the songs and study our lines well. This is no amateur show. These ladies’ reputations are on the line, and they don’t want any kids to make them look like they’re unprepared for this holiest evening.

Christmas Eve brings everyone to church even those who aren’t faithful the rest of the year. Everyone comes in their new Christmas attire and the kids gather in the basement classrooms while parents and guests are seated in the sanctuary.

The kids wait in their tiny rooms with their teachers. There is lots of excited, wiggly energy. A shy child who doesn’t want to perform clings anxiously to her mother. The Momma peels her distraught child off her leg and races upstairs in the hope the child will calm down. A flustered teacher is left to deal with the fallout of tears.

I have a special role this year. I get to play Mary, the mother of Jesus. I’m a little kindergartener, with a pixie haircut, wrapped in a white tunic with a rope belt tied around my tiny waist. The blue satin headpiece is a thing of my dreams. It’s a long rectangle piece of fabric that sits on my head and falls over my shoulders. I have to be careful when I move.

I feel pure, innocent and deeply accepted. Why would God allow me to have such an important role? I’m nobody. I sing my solo with confidence and am overwhelmed at the delight and the sense of Papa’s love for me.

It’s the very first time I sense God’s acceptance of me, and I’m overcome with joy and peace. It would be another fifteen years and a lot of heartaches before I understand I’m a child of God.

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You are Loved by God, Part 1

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You are Loved by God, Part 1

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.- Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

One of the surest ways to understand our identity in Christ is to start with love. We can be completely assured of God’s love based on what the scripture says. When we know, understand, and experience God’s love, we are changed. 

My daddy doesn’t scoop me up when he sees me. Our time together is limited, as he carries the heavy burden of farming and raising pigs. Deep lines, a furrowed brow, and sadness are often reflected on his face.  

He introduces me to weird foods like smoked fish, blue cheese, and sardines. I enjoy our time together in the kitchen because it’s rare. I love to see the warmth in his eyes and a grin on his face in these fleeting moments. 

He calls me unusual nicknames, like “Quackgrass” or “Sowthistle.” It probably makes sense to him since he’s a farmer. But honestly, why would you think it’s cute to nickname your daughter after a weed?

The dinner table isn’t a place for a joyful family banter. Instead, quiet obedience is required. We never know what kind of mood dad will be in. He seems upset a lot, and we do not want to make things worse.

The cares of farming, family, my mom, and probably things he doesn’t understand weigh on him. He escapes the pain by running to alcohol, as the smell lingers on his breath. It’s how we know when we have to be extra cautious and quiet so as not to upset him.

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New Year: New Identity, To Know Christ

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New Year: New Identity, To Know Christ

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death.” -Philippians 3:10

In order for us to understand our identity in Christ, we need to know Him. The most powerful tool to use to know Christ is His Word.

An Awakening

It’s my first Mother’s Day on a perfect spring day, and I’m excited to open my present. Our first-born son is three weeks old, so I’m still healing from a c-section and deep into sleepless nights. We are in that newborn fog of parenting, each of us tries to make sense of our new roles. My hubby works long hours at the car dealership, needing to be the number one salesman each month, and I’m happy to be home with our newborn.

I excitedly open the gift and inside is a beautiful new Bible. It is pink with flowers and filled with lovely devotionals written by Godly women interspersed between the books of the Bible. I’m excited to dig in.

I’ve walked with God for four years, but something happens this spring as I open my new Bible and pour over its contents. I can’t wait for our newborn to nap so I can read the Word. I create a cozy spot on our front porch and sit in the sunshine and read. Tears pour down my cheeks and a longing in my soul is quenched as I read the Word. I know reading the Bible is important, but this is the first time in a long time I feel it’s life-giving power renew my weary soul. 

I’m hungry to know Christ, I want to understand God’s character. I want the Word to change me, to shape me into the person God has created me to be. I sense God’s nearness and His love for me overwhelms me. I never want to feel far from Him again.

Often we don’t understand our identity in Christ because we neglect our devotion to His Word. 

“Even among worship attendees less than half read the Bible daily. The only time most Americans hear from the Bible is when someone else is reading it.”-Lifeway Research

Our Bibles lay unopened and unread as we wonder why Christ seems so far off. We don’t experience our true identity in Christ because we don’t know our identity in Christ as it’s laid out in His Word.

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

‘For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”-Colossians 3:3 NLT

Once we accept Christ as Savior, He holds our life. We become hidden in Christ with God, and we belong to Him always. It’s the sweetest promise of belonging as a daughter of God. 

I walk into my new school, twelve years old, my parents newly divorced. I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.  My mom needed to leave my dad because he chooses the bottle of whiskey over us. It’s a relief to be out from under the tyranny of it all. As an underdeveloped 12-year-old with a pixie, I know I’m not going to win any popularity contest, for sure.  Navigating the new school is a challenge. I didn’t know living in a trailer court was a bad thing. I naively thought it was fun to have friends close by if you wanted someone to hang out with.

I quickly learned not to tell anyone about my address at the trailer court after the first reaction I received.  Disgust. It was written all over her face as I tell her where I live. This moment is where I first learn to pretend; put up the facade then no one will know how disgusting I am. It wouldn’t take long before I understood the term, “trailer trash.”  Be nice, be kind, but don’t tell anyone where you live. Shame has been my companion for a while already. I just want to belong.

This need to belong, to have a place, is a universal need. Sometimes we like to convince ourselves life would be easier alone. We resort to this thinking often when we’ve been hurt. Being alone leads us to self-reliance, the opposite of what Christ requires. He is delighted when we depend on Him alone. 

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New Year: New Identity, Life In Christ

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New Year: New Identity, Life In Christ

“Living within you is the Christ who floods you with the expectation of glory. This mystery of Christ, embedded within us, becomes a heavenly treasure chest of hope filled with the riches of glory for his people, and God wants everyone to know it!” Colossians 1:27

As we begin this journey about identity, let’s look at how culture defines identity. Our culture tells us our worth stems from what we do, or who we are. Success, talent, money, a try-hard attitude, health, beauty, and the approval of others dictate our value. If we do all these things well, we are seen as valuable. If we lack these characteristics, we are seen as invaluable. 

When we are in Christ our identity flows from His goodness and is not dependent on us or others. He is the source of our identity. To understand what Christ has done for us, we need to start from when Christ first comes to dwell with us.

The Sweetest Surrender

The young pastor preaches passionately for a large group of wiggly teens in Calvin Klein jeans and Reeboks. This is the first time I’m exposed to the message of salvation in Christ. At church youth group, I feel out of place and different from everyone there. I sense God drawing me to Himself, but there is a wall of shame and brokenness I hide behind and not even God’s love can penetrate it. I’m not good enough or worthy to be near God. I feel like an outcast in this group of squeaky clean church kids. From the outside, I seem alright, but my home life is difficult with my stepfather’s alcoholism. If they only knew.

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New Year: New Identity

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New Year: New Identity

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.”

-Ephesians 17-19

When You Feel Unloved

She sits on the chair with a pillow behind her because her feet don’t touch the ground. I sit on the couch with my long legs curled under me.  We sip warm cups of coffee and chatter nonstop. We are polar opposites in temperament and physical characteristics as I usually interrupt her, because I’m impatient, whereas she’s calm, deliberate, and steady as the sunrise.

Our conversation turns to matters of the heart, as usual.  We’re both grown women with children and grandchildren who still struggle with wounds of our past.  We were both raised by alcoholic fathers. We get each other. Doesn’t it feel helpful to process the pain with a friend? 

She talks about feeling unnoticed, not valued. I ask her the same question, “What does Papa say about you?”  She sheepishly grins and says, “He says, I’m loved, I’m accepted, and I’m valuable, no matter what I feel.” I can’t resist the twinkle in her eyes as she remembers the truth about who she is in Christ. She remembers she’s God’s beloved. How soon we forget.  The conversation continues as we talk about God’s goodness and His love for us.

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

Have you ever thought about your motivation for meeting with God? Do you do it out of duty,  obligation, or is delight the reason to sit with Papa? The reason we chose to commune with God matters and when we operate out of delight, we will sense the Father’s love and in turn, feel closer to Him.

A Different Approach

This day I try something different during my morning devotions.  Instead of journaling my usual prayer requests and reading the Word, I chose to sit in God’s presence and sense His delight. It fills my heart with joy as I imagine my good Papa pleased with me. I revel in who He is and admire all the things I love about Him.  I praise Him for His goodness, faithfulness, love, peace, protection, provision, guidance, and wisdom.  

I meditate on all the beautiful qualities of His character and I rest in His love for me. In spite of my sin, bad habits, shortcomings, and failures, God delights in me and that truly makes me want to love and serve Him better. I’m amazed at the joy and peace that washes over my soul.  

This quiet morning, I don’t want anything from Him, except to be with Him. I sense His delight and my heart burst with anticipation.  I delight in Him and He delights in me. It’s the same feeling I have when I connect well with my husband or a close friend. It’s too wonderful to comprehend.

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Read the Word for Connection

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Read the Word for Connection

“The word of God is living and active…” Hebrews 4:12a

Have you ever considered your relationship with God’s Word and the correlation to your connectedness with Him?  Today we’ll learn how to read the Word for transformation instead of information. 

It was a gray winter morning as I arose early again. It was my routine to spend time with God before the busyness of the day set it. The house was quiet, as I gathered my robe around my chilled body and heart. I opened my Bible, and I was overcome with sadness. There was a deep longing for connection with God, but I didn’t know how to attain it.  I sat there sullen, bored, and uninterested. Surely this wasn’t what communion with God should feel like. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of passion.

 How could I be bored with a living God? I knew I was supposed to study and memorize the Word. I knew I was supposed to hide it in my heart, but that day reading the Word felt routine and uninspired.  Was it my fault? Could I approach the Word differently? If I did approach it differently would I feel more connected to God? I longed for closeness and intimacy with Him

Reading for Transformation

Ruth Haley Barton’s, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, would be the lifeline that would change the way I related to the Word for the rest of my days.  She talks about the difference between reading a newspaper and a love letter. A newspaper is read to gather information. We gather information and analyze and do so quickly as we master the text, but a love letter is read to gather connection with the reader. In a love letter, we read between the lines and savor every word with its hidden meaning and connection. We read it over and over rehearsing our Loves heart and intention for us. 

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