She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

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She Loves God, But She's A Little Tired.

e been thinking about this woman a lot. Maybe you know her?

She loves God. She’s walked with Him for many years, but she’s tired. She’s tired of the same old relationship. She keeps trying to work her way to Him by doing all the right things. She’s diligent but utterly frustrated. Deep down she feels empty but doesn’t know what to do.

She Loves God, But He Seems Distant

She loves God, but He seems distant and she can’t figure out why. She’s gone through her mental checklist:

  • I’m serving Him by giving of my time, gifts, and finances. Check.

  • I attend church regularly. Check.

  • I throw up some prayers in the morning. Check

  • I try to get along with my husband. Check.

  • I’m raising these kids the best I know-how. Check.

  • I try to read the Bible. Check.

    Yet, after doing all these things for God, she’s not quite connecting with God. She reads her Bible, but there’s no wonder jumping off the pages. She can’t always relate to the stories or understand how they apply to her. She tries to listen for God’s voice, but mostly she hears the lies of condemnation and shame, or she hears nothing at all. This reinforces her lack, which causes her to move farther away from God.

    She’s praying about things: deep things, hard things, and yet it feels like her prayers bounce off the ceiling. She’s begged, pleaded, even bargained with God, and still, He doesn’t answer her prayers the way she wants, so she assumes He’s mad at her.

    She longs for something deeper and richer but is frustrated with how to get there. The formulas fall flat, the awe of God is gone. She feels alone, isolated, and disappointed in her relationship with God.

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I Am God's Beloved

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I Am God's Beloved

Today I’m wrapping up this six-month series on our Identity in Christ. We’ve talked about what it means to be loved, accepted, significant, forgiven, and secure. I’ve endeavored to give you an overview of who you are in Christ. There is so much more to share on this topic, and I will cover more in the future. I hope it’s left you longing to be renewed by Jesus.

Identity In Christ

A friend shared this photo of a pile of sprinkles on Instagram, and it captivates me. It’s joyful, bright, happy, and beautiful. It’s sweet and reminds me of my identity in Christ. God takes our brokenness and sprinkles it with good things like love, peace, acceptance, forgiveness, and belonging. Each attribute He gives is a reflection of Himself. He is everything good and gives good gifts. We don’t have to earn these gifts; they are free to receive.

Why is it that so many miss out on being sprinkled with His love and acceptance? Is it because we don’t know all Christ has done for us? Is it because the pain has clouded our view of God?

Broken Identity

As a child and teen, growing with a father and step-father who struggled with alcoholism, I wasn’t aware I could have a different perspective. I believe the negative labels, convinced they were my identity. In my youth, my labels are:

Rejected

Broken

Daughter of an Alcoholic

Trailer Trash

Fearful

Insecure

My experiences confirmed it, and I was certain to remain these labels forever until I met Jesus at age twenty-one. The trajectory of my life was changed forever as I began to peel back the layers of pain, and learn the truth about who I was in Christ. He taught me I was His beloved.

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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How To Feel Secure When You're Upset

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How To Feel Secure When You're Upset

As we look at what it means to be secure in Christ, we need to remember it’s not just physically, but emotionally. When the circumstances in our lives are filled with pressure and we feel trapped by pain, loss, despair, or anxiety, there’s a place we can go for sweet relief.

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.” -Psalm 18:19

Pressure

I’m feeling the weight of it all today. This diagnosis has robbed my husband, Bob, of the ability to speak clearly; his mobility is taxed and his energy drained. Bob’s anxiety shoots through the roof as he wakes up each day with different limitations. Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a thief robbing him of his ability to work, provide, and engage in everyday life.

He retreats to his bed often, spent from emotional and physical exhaustion. Normally, he would push through exhaustion. He’s hard-headed, driven to accomplish tasks, and values hard work, however, his body defies his request to produce.

I’m left carrying the load with our three small children. The days feel long. I want to return to our old lives. This medical nightmare leaves me feeling alone and misunderstood. My days are filled with cooking, cleaning, parenting, and trying to navigate this ever-changing disease with my husband. There are new pressures and stress as we look forward to a disease with no cure. We face doctors who make educated guesses on how to treat the unending symptoms of memory loss, muscle spasms, tremors, and continuous nerve damage.

Each day I sneak away to a spacious place where God rescues me from worry, doubt, and fear. It’s not my reality, but by faith, I can confirm it’s existence. It’s a quiet place where Papa and I meet. I pour out my anguish, lost dreams, and endless trials. I unload my fears for the future, as the weight begins to lift. I rehearse the promises from scripture, and I hold on to hope, even when my reality is hopeless. I meditate on God’s goodness and character.

Being with Him, in this roomy space, helps me focus less on my troubles. Isn’t that the point of this walk with God, more of Him and less of me?

See, I imagine me and Papa in this perfect, expansive spot. This boundless area is void of sorrow and trouble. In my mind, it’s a meadow, full of flowers; the sun shines bright as God whispers His love. Other days I imagine a majestic mountain top, where God has brought me to sit with Him.

He stays with me and holds me. He tells me I’m seen. He speaks of His delight in me, which I can hardly believe because I’m just trying to hold it all together. He says, “Please don’t feel you must hold it all together, that’s my job. Your job is surrender.” I sigh and once again, release control, understanding, and will.

He assures me of His love and compassion in the messy middle of hardship. When I cry, “God, I can’t do this,” He lovingly asks me the same question. “Do you trust Me?” As warm tears roll down my cheeks, I whisper, “I do.”

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How to Feel Secure

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How to Feel Secure

We are wrapping up the five core factors in our identity in Christ. So far, we have discussed how we are loved, accepted, significant, and forgiven. For the month of June, we’ll talk about how we are secure in God because of Christ. These are the five truths of our Beloved Women’s Manifesto, and I hope it’s been helpful in your understanding of your identity in Christ.

“It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.” 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

As a child, I felt unsettled in who I was. Most days I lived afraid. I was afraid of the dark, afraid of thunderstorms, afraid of animals, afraid of the basement, afraid of shadows, afraid of disappointing my mom, and afraid of my father’s drunken outbursts.

As a teen, shame told me because I was the daughter of an alcoholic, there was something inherently wrong with me. I needed to hide. I hid behind my “good girl’ persona. I lived to please and perform. I was dutiful, diligent, and hid my insecurity. People wouldn’t accept me if they knew where I came from. I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, or talented enough, and surely not from the right kind of family.

I worked hard to feel secure, but like sand through my fingertips, I could never hold on to any security. Life felt shaky, and I was lost in who I was. Was I supposed to be a good girl? I had tried that all my life, and where did it get me? Still insecure. Maybe I’d fit in on the wild side? I tried to loosen the shackles of perfectionism and performance during my freshman year of college. Sure, it was fun, but it didn’t make me feel more secure.

My footing only felt secure once I surrendered to Christ.

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A Series on Forgiveness: There Is No Condemnation

/ Pamela Henkelman Coaching/
A Series on Forgiveness: There Is No Condemnation

I hear the voice of the Accuser ringing in my ears, condemning me for my behavior, but God has something else to say. He says I’m forgiven. In Christ, there is no condemnation. Once we realize this, it’s easier to walk in our true identity as forgiven daughters of God. Thank you for joining us as we continue our discussion about forgiveness.

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Jesus.” Romans 8:1

The Accuser

I sit in the pew and long for a powerful encounter with God while rehearsing the disastrous morning I’ve had with the kids. I gather our five kids by myself as my hubby, the pastor, arrives at church hours ago. The two boys fight while the little one struggles to get dressed. The dirty dishes line the counter while endless demands weigh on me. I’m impatient, frustrated, and need some rest. I keep my cool for a while, but when the pressure mounts, I blow it. I’m bossy when I should be kind. I’m harsh when gentleness is more effective.

If only I could control my tongue. Why can’t I be calm and patient? Why did God give me this strong personality? Why is the drive to church the longest and most frustrating of the week? I’m disgusted with my lack of self-control again.

We each exit the van hoping something miraculous will transpire in the next hours. As I slump in my pew, I feel the weight of the morning. I take two minutes to focus on God and try to enter into the music part of worship, but all I hear in my head is the Accuser.

“You call yourself a Christian?

“What is wrong with you?”

“If people only knew how awful you are!”

“Do you even love God?”

“Shouldn’t you know better by now?”

I recognize the tone, and I shrink under it as piles of condemnation and shame are heaped on my head. I entertain the thoughts for a moment, but I know better. I know not to listen to this voice.

Instead, I listen for the voice of God in conviction. Conviction helps me realize I need to make changes, to move towards more godly behavior. The Holy Spirit is loving and compassionate in tone. I’m moved by God’s love to make necessary changes.

I bow my head and quietly whisper, “I’m sorry, God, please forgive me. Thank you for the blessing of being a mom. Thank you for forgiving me when I fall short. Thank you for loving me in spite of my sin. Please help me choose gentleness and compassion as I parent.”

Peace washes over me, and I rest in Papa’s love for me; I am not condemned.

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A Series About Forgiveness: You Are Forgiven

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A Series About Forgiveness: You Are Forgiven

This is a story of audacious grace and forgiveness. This is God’s story for my family.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9

Intended for Evil

They argue as the air hangs thick in the house on this steamy August day. Al, my stepdad, retreats to the bedroom; my mom broods in the living room. The bed is a familiar escape for a drunkard. Drink and then you sleep, never able to actually escape what ails you inside.

Arguing is the norm for their relationship and ordinary for most homes where alcohol is king. Darkness descends and swirls all around Al. As he falls into blackness, he releases the clip on the gun. She hears a click from the living room and instead of running away, she walks towards the sound.

As she enters the bedroom, he rolls over in a drunken haze and points the gun at her and shoots. Shock, fear, and adrenaline course through her body. She thinks, “I must escape! Run!” She races into the kitchen, out the patio door, down the deck stairs, and to a neighbor's house. She’s alert, yet in shock. The bullet has gone through her chest. How is she alive?

She calls a friend who runs and grabs me at my job as a waitress. I’m 19 years old, and when an adult runs into your work and says, “You have to come with me right now. Something terrible has happened!” you go immediately. I see the fear in his eyes. My heart stops and I hold my breath as I run out of the restaurant. What am I about to face?

We race across town to find my mom on a gurney being lifted into an ambulance. She’s talking and alert. Terror is all over her face, but she’s alive. I’m simultaneously scared to death and filled with rage for my step-dad. How can this be happening? How is this my life?

My friend drives me to the ER, and we wait. I just want my mom to be safe. I pray to a God I barely know, to beg him to watch over her. I wait in the ER for what feels like hours hoping someone will update me. Everything moves in slow motion. I’m terrified, confused, ashamed, and overwhelmed. What are we going to do? Surgeons perform surgery and are amazed the bullet has only grazed her heart. She is millimeters away from death.

But for God.

My step-dad is brought to jail. The next day he wakes up and realizes something terrible has happened, but he has no memory of it. He asks the jailer why he’s there and crumbles into a heap when the jailer says, “You shot your wife.”

While in jail, Al meets with a man from a local church. They build a relationship and gain trust with each other. After much soul searching and counsel, nearly two weeks after the shooting, Al falls to his knees in repentance; he calls out to Jesus to rescue him and deliver him, and Jesus does. Al never drinks a drop of alcohol or smokes for the rest of his days. He said to Jesus, “If you will save my wife, I’ll serve you the rest of my life.” He is changed in an instant. Now the hard work of reconciliation and restoration would take many months, but it happens, all because of the goodness of God. What happens to my family is miraculous.

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You Were Created to Do Good Things

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You Were Created to Do Good Things

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”- Ephesians 2:10

What Am I Good At?

I fidget nervously in front of everyone. My mouth is dry and I’m all awkward, lanky arms and legs in my eighth-grade speech class. I shuffle through my index cards to make sure I have them in the right order. Who do I focus on? I smile big and start my speech. Once I get going, I feel calm. “This isn’t so bad,” I think. I finish my three-minute speech and scurry back to my chair, grinning to myself, thinking, “I could do this again.”

Fast forward six years to my Oral Interpretation Class in college. An Oral Interpretation class is part speech and part theater. My handsome, young, professor is energetic and our class requires collaboration and discussion. I’m an eager student, ready to soak up all the knowledge and technique. I present a work by Edgar Allen Poe, and my professor gives me an outstanding critique. I’m hooked.

I’m not nervous in front of people now. Speaking comes natural, like riding a bike or skipping down a sidewalk. I feel at ease, confident, and completely energized. For the first time, I understand what I’m good at. I continue taking Speech courses and eventually graduate with a double major in Mass Communication and Speech Communication.

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Christ Accepts Me As His Friend

/ Pamela Henkelman Coaching/
Christ Accepts Me As His Friend

“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends since I have told you everything the Father told me.”- John 15:15

The Bond of Friendship

Rebekah is sprawled out on the couch after the 7-hour drive home. Keziah bursts through the front door and plops down next to Rebekah. They’re all arms and legs as they embrace on the couch the way sisters do. They cling to each other because of their closeness. Each is dealing with her own burden of loss. They know in each other, their tender hearts are safe.

Keziah’s a freshman in college forced to move home because of the coronavirus. She leaves all her friends and Chi Alpha community, along with her boyfriend. She’s come home to a town she barely knows since we moved here last June. Her high school friends are in another state.

Rebekah plans a visit home for her last college spring break. She’s filled with disappointment and frustration after all her college activities are canceled along with her college commencement. She’s the Executive Director of an organization that plans most of the activities on campus. She grieves the loss of events and relationships. Tears fall as they talk about their troubles.

They are more than sisters, they are friends.

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In Christ, You are A Part

/ Pamela Henkelman Blogger /Life Coach/
In Christ, You are A Part

“All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” -1 Corinthians 12:27

I Want to Belong

I survey the room looking for a warm face. Even though I’m outgoing and friendly, I hate that feeling when I enter a room and know no one. Or worse yet, I know them, but not well. If I know they’re a close-knit bunch I wonder if they’ll make room for one more. I feel self-conscious, too tall, too loud. It makes me want to shrink. I’m the girl on the outside waiting to be invited in.

I take a brave step forward and say “hi.” Win them with a big smile, I think. One person acknowledges me, but the rest carry on with their conversation. I feel awkward. Maybe I picked the wrong circle? Maybe it doesn’t have to do with me at all. My inclination is to talk fast and try to get someone involved in the conversation, so I don’t feel so stupid. I’ll offer a warm smile and hope for the best, but sometimes people don’t respond. Then I feel stupid and wish I hadn’t tried. Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point? Being a part is a risky business.

So the trick is to anticipate which group will invite me in. Which circle will include me? You know how women are. We’re not always the best at that, especially when we know each other well. We’re close, so we share our inside jokes and common interests. We can unknowingly give off the vibe of “you’re not one of us, and we don’t desire to expand our reach.” Perhaps that’s the voice of my inner critic keeping me from connection? It’s hard to tell some days. Either way, I tread lightly because I felt the sting of rejection.

Girls and women have been playing this game for years. The dance shows up in Girl Scouts, College Sororities, Mom Playgroups, Card Clubs, Coffee Clutches and Bible Studies. We want to be part of something great without fear of rejection.

You Can Be A Part

We have a need to belong and Christ invites us to be a part of His family, He calls His family the Body of Christ where He is the head and we are the parts. Each part is valuable and important. Some parts are open and visible while other parts are hidden, but not one part will be overlooked by Him.

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I Am Enough Because Christ Completes Me

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I Am Enough Because Christ Completes Me

“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”-Colossians 2:10

Am I enough? The question looms in my mind at a young age. I relentlessly try to prove I am. I want to be found complete, but I often come up short. It would be years before I understood completeness is not dependent on me but comes from what Christ has done for me.

Not Enough

Junior high gym class is the worst. I’m a thin girl with long limbs who appears athletic, but it’s all an illusion. The middle-aged gym teacher selects the two fastest, most athletic kids as captains. “It figures,” I think, as I roll my eyes in disgust. Is it their popularity or their physical strength that enables them to toy with our psyches? I’m not sure how it works, but it doesn’t matter because when the scales are read, I’ll be on the “not enough” side. I won't be chosen first.

I’ll never be enough.

Not fast enough

Not strong enough

Not popular enough

One by one the captains choose kids for their teams. Of course, all the jocks are selected first and then there’s the rest of us misfits. Should I look at the ground? Should I flash my charming smile in hopes my bubbly personality will win them over, and they will call my name? What's a girl to do?

I know what the pecking order means. Those chosen first are the brightest, most wonderful. Those who are left last are less than, deficient. Nobody wants us. You might as well print REJECT on our foreheads.

I wiggle and squirm in the uncomfortableness of the situation hoping and praying I’m not the last one standing. I have compassion for the few not yet chosen. I've always felt that way about the underdog. I hold my breath, and I want the moment to pass. Relief floods my soul as my name is called, and I’m welcomed to the team. For a moment, the sting of rejection is gone as I saunter to the field ready to play.

The phrase I am enough is heralded as the epitome of confidence in our culture. We desperately try to prove it with more hard work, more hustle, or more perfection, but inside we feel incomplete. We post our perfectly curated Instagram moments, yet when the camera is put aside, we feel hollow, lacking, and insignificant.

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

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I Am Accepted By God As His Child

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” -John 1:12

Many of us carry the scars of rejection and at our deepest core, we long to be accepted. We scan the horizon looking for proof of our acceptance only to feel rejected again. Jesus provides the way for acceptance as we become children of God.

I Am Accepted By God

The Christmas Eve program rehearsals are well underway in our tiny church. The church ladies demand respect and hard work. We rehearse the songs and study our lines well. This is no amateur show. These ladies’ reputations are on the line, and they don’t want any kids to make them look like they’re unprepared for this holiest evening.

Christmas Eve brings everyone to church even those who aren’t faithful the rest of the year. Everyone comes in their new Christmas attire and the kids gather in the basement classrooms while parents and guests are seated in the sanctuary.

The kids wait in their tiny rooms with their teachers. There is lots of excited, wiggly energy. A shy child who doesn’t want to perform clings anxiously to her mother. The Momma peels her distraught child off her leg and races upstairs in the hope the child will calm down. A flustered teacher is left to deal with the fallout of tears.

I have a special role this year. I get to play Mary, the mother of Jesus. I’m a little kindergartener, with a pixie haircut, wrapped in a white tunic with a rope belt tied around my tiny waist. The blue satin headpiece is a thing of my dreams. It’s a long rectangle piece of fabric that sits on my head and falls over my shoulders. I have to be careful when I move.

I feel pure, innocent and deeply accepted. Why would God allow me to have such an important role? I’m nobody. I sing my solo with confidence and am overwhelmed at the delight and the sense of Papa’s love for me.

It’s the very first time I sense God’s acceptance of me, and I’m overcome with joy and peace. It would be another fifteen years and a lot of heartaches before I understand I’m a child of God.

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You Are Loved by God, Part 2

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You Are Loved by God, Part 2

“I have loved you even as my Father has loved me. Remain in my love.”-John 15:9

We spend our days looking for signs of love.  Am I lovable? Do you love me? People confirm it, or we feel rejected by the perceived lack of love. There are two who love us unconditionally, forever. Jesus loves us because He is loved by His Father.  Our job is to find this love and remain in it all our days.

My First Love

My twin brother and I arrive unexpectedly six-weeks early. My young mom has no idea she’s having twins until they discover me after my brother is born.  At home, it is my older brother who is not yet one year old. We are all the same age for two weeks every July! My mom is 20 years old and has three babies and is thrilled about it. 

She’s a playful, “take charge” person. She works hard as a farmer’s wife. She tends the large garden, cooks homemade meals and treats, sews our clothing, hangs wallpaper and paints, keeps a tidy house, and serves in community groups.  She’s a bright light and the life of the party but she also works hard and is a strong disciplinarian. She has one of those, “you better listen to me when I’m talking” tones.

On snow days she lets us destroy the house with our toys, and we make fun food.  I spend my childhood as her sidekick in the kitchen. There is nothing she won’t tackle. I admire her ability to produce. She loves to play the piano or listen to record albums, as music fills our home. She’s ridiculous and funny and a great actress.  

 My mom is my comfort as I plop down on my bed,  sobbing tears of rejection. She sits with me, rubs my back and lets me cry.  We have the best heart-to-heart conversations. She holds me tight and tells me everything is going to be alright. Isn’t that what a girl needs most?  In the great big world where I perceive rejection, I have someone who tells me I’m lovely and I want to be loved. I never want to disappoint her. 

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New Year: New Identity

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New Year: New Identity

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.”

-Ephesians 17-19

When You Feel Unloved

She sits on the chair with a pillow behind her because her feet don’t touch the ground. I sit on the couch with my long legs curled under me.  We sip warm cups of coffee and chatter nonstop. We are polar opposites in temperament and physical characteristics as I usually interrupt her, because I’m impatient, whereas she’s calm, deliberate, and steady as the sunrise.

Our conversation turns to matters of the heart, as usual.  We’re both grown women with children and grandchildren who still struggle with wounds of our past.  We were both raised by alcoholic fathers. We get each other. Doesn’t it feel helpful to process the pain with a friend? 

She talks about feeling unnoticed, not valued. I ask her the same question, “What does Papa say about you?”  She sheepishly grins and says, “He says, I’m loved, I’m accepted, and I’m valuable, no matter what I feel.” I can’t resist the twinkle in her eyes as she remembers the truth about who she is in Christ. She remembers she’s God’s beloved. How soon we forget.  The conversation continues as we talk about God’s goodness and His love for us.

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

Have you ever thought about your motivation for meeting with God? Do you do it out of duty,  obligation, or is delight the reason to sit with Papa? The reason we chose to commune with God matters and when we operate out of delight, we will sense the Father’s love and in turn, feel closer to Him.

A Different Approach

This day I try something different during my morning devotions.  Instead of journaling my usual prayer requests and reading the Word, I chose to sit in God’s presence and sense His delight. It fills my heart with joy as I imagine my good Papa pleased with me. I revel in who He is and admire all the things I love about Him.  I praise Him for His goodness, faithfulness, love, peace, protection, provision, guidance, and wisdom.  

I meditate on all the beautiful qualities of His character and I rest in His love for me. In spite of my sin, bad habits, shortcomings, and failures, God delights in me and that truly makes me want to love and serve Him better. I’m amazed at the joy and peace that washes over my soul.  

This quiet morning, I don’t want anything from Him, except to be with Him. I sense His delight and my heart burst with anticipation.  I delight in Him and He delights in me. It’s the same feeling I have when I connect well with my husband or a close friend. It’s too wonderful to comprehend.

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Read the Word for Connection

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Read the Word for Connection

“The word of God is living and active…” Hebrews 4:12a

Have you ever considered your relationship with God’s Word and the correlation to your connectedness with Him?  Today we’ll learn how to read the Word for transformation instead of information. 

It was a gray winter morning as I arose early again. It was my routine to spend time with God before the busyness of the day set it. The house was quiet, as I gathered my robe around my chilled body and heart. I opened my Bible, and I was overcome with sadness. There was a deep longing for connection with God, but I didn’t know how to attain it.  I sat there sullen, bored, and uninterested. Surely this wasn’t what communion with God should feel like. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of passion.

 How could I be bored with a living God? I knew I was supposed to study and memorize the Word. I knew I was supposed to hide it in my heart, but that day reading the Word felt routine and uninspired.  Was it my fault? Could I approach the Word differently? If I did approach it differently would I feel more connected to God? I longed for closeness and intimacy with Him

Reading for Transformation

Ruth Haley Barton’s, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, would be the lifeline that would change the way I related to the Word for the rest of my days.  She talks about the difference between reading a newspaper and a love letter. A newspaper is read to gather information. We gather information and analyze and do so quickly as we master the text, but a love letter is read to gather connection with the reader. In a love letter, we read between the lines and savor every word with its hidden meaning and connection. We read it over and over rehearsing our Loves heart and intention for us. 

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List the Gifts To Feel Close to God

/ Be Encouraged/
List the Gifts To Feel Close to God

Even though we are past Thanksgiving season, I want to carry gratitude into the rest of my days because the practice of keeping a gratitude list holds the key to feel close to God. The discipline of writing down a list each day changed me.

My Gray World

I sit in the dim early morning hours frustrated, empty, prayers don’t come. God seems far away. I open the Word but nothing speaks to me. The world feels grey. Where is the joy? Am I bored? Where has my usual sunny disposition gone? I feel unsettled, so unlike myself. God seems far away and I’ve lost the wonder. What can I do? Something needs to change.

I remember the book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  There had been a buzz about it in Christian circles, and I knew I needed to read it; maybe it held a key.  I devoured the book then invited a few friends over to watch the video series with me. Her words captured me. She’s an artist and poet and spoke vulnerably of the pain she experienced, and how God showed her Himself through the act of keeping a gratitude journal. The book and practice of gratitude would change me forever and bring me closer to God.

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”-Sarah Ban Breathnach 

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Make Your Life A Prayer

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Make Your Life A Prayer

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series talking about prayer. Is prayerlessness keeping you far from God? Perhaps you have a narrow view of prayer.  Let’s talk about how to have a continual conversation with God.

“Make your life a prayer.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 TPT

My View of Prayer

I had some rigid ideas about what prayer should look like when I first met the Lord over thirty years ago. I was more concerned about myself than I was about connecting to God. I wanted to do it right and say the right words. I wanted to seem spiritual. I wrongly assumed somehow if the words weren’t right,  God wouldn’t hear me.

As a Christian, I knew the right thing to do. I was to happily rise early and have a quiet time with God, reading my Bible, and praying for people. It felt like an assignment or obligation. I needed to check it off my “Good Christian Girl” checklist so I would be approved by God. I was quite proud of myself for doing it right.

Imagine the shame I’d feel when I missed a few days. Regret. Surely God was disappointed with me, so how could I possibly read my Bible again?  It’s funny how the devil hooks us with our performance. When we believe the lie our relationship with God depends on what we do, it’s a very slippery slope.  The truth that rescues us is to remember we love Him because He first loved us. He was pursuing us long before we met Him. Doesn’t that minimize the performance pressure?

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part [of my heart] You will make me know wisdom.”- Psalm 51:6 AMP

We are continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series with the topic of vulnerability.  Do you struggle to be vulnerable with God? Does shame have the opposite effect and cause you to hide from Him?  It could be a reason you don’t feel close to Him.

I Messed Up Again

I blew it again. I wanted to be a patient, loving mom. I could be calm and gentle but if things escalated my inclination was to be bossy and brash. I demanded obedience, and my kid’s disrespect was hard to handle.  I especially felt like a failure with my son Caleb. He was an active boy with a strong will who wanted to call the shots. I felt exasperated most of the time. One frustrating morning, Holy Spirit gently asked, “why are you so angry with Caleb?”  I was shocked at first. But Holy Spirit was right, I was frustrated and I’d respond in anger, which was just escalating every interaction with my wild boy. 

I was filled with shame and regret each time I responded harshly to him.  This mothering was the one thing I was called to do and I felt like I failed every day.  I wanted to hide from God. I was humiliated and embarrassed by my behavior. After all, my kids were just little humans who deserved grace, patience, and gentle training. 

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Building A Close Relationship with God Series: Look Up

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Building A Close Relationship with God Series: Look Up

“Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always,”-1 ChroniclesFo 16:11

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship With God Series with a look at focus. 

Focus

What we focus on becomes magnified in our lives.  Focusing on pain and difficulty enlarges them, but focusing on God brings us peace.

Often God seems far off because our view of Him is clouded by our difficult circumstances.  We need to shift our focus in order to see God. It’s in the shifting we experience His presence, which helps us have the ability to get through our hard days or frustrating moments.

The rambunctious child on the playground reaches to grab the monkey bars, but he slips and comes crashing down. Tears stain his face as he surveys the playground looking for the face of his father.  Daddy swoops in and picks him up and says, “Look at me, it’s going to be okay.” Dad holds the child close and comforts him.

She’s labored for hours as waves of pain sweep through her body, so she can bring forth this life inside of her.  She knows to look up. She focuses on her husband’s face and he counts her through the contraction. She’s drawing strength and courage from him to continue her arduous task.

Each of these has learned the value of focus.  When they look to someone stronger they know they can make it through. When they shift their gaze from the pain they are experiencing, they receive comfort and care. And so it goes with our good God.

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